celebrity weddings - HecklerSpray

Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Get Married For Real This Time

August 29th, 2014 By Rhiannon Davies

I warned you all this would happen. First, George Clooney gets engaged. Now, after NINE years of?unwed?bliss, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have gotten married. If anyone needs me,?I’ll be in the bomb shelter awaiting the end of life as we know it.?

Okay, so technically deadly plagues and the oceans turning to blood are signs of the apocalypse, but it’s 2014, celebrities will dabble in anything these days. Look at the Illuminati. Tell Jennifer Aniston to avert her eyes because it’s official – one film, three out of six kids, and nine years later, the most genetically gifted couple in the world have got hitched.

Brody Jenner Gives a Big “Eff You” to Kim Kardashian

July 14th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

Kim Kardashian and Brody Jenner are both giant reality television whores who die for playing out their “real” lives on camera, so, you’d think as step-brother and sister they’d get along just swimmingly. Well, apparently that’s not the case, as people have been assuming there was tension between them since Brody didn’t attend Kim’s over the top wedding to Kanye West in May.

However, Brody being the shameless whore he is, decided to one up his diss towards Kim. You see, even though he skipped his step-sister of 20 plus year’s wedding, he did manage to attend her ex-boyfriend, Reggie Bush’s, wedding this past weekend and post pics of it all over the internet. Check and mate.

Jay-Z and Beyonce Think They’re too Good for KUWTK (Duh)

March 10th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

So, in case you don’t live on the planet Earth, I’ll let you know that the fame-hating, super modest and humble couple, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian (Kimye), are allegedly getting married on May 24th. I’m sure it will be the least extravagant, least pretentious, least WTF wedding ever. In case you’re like my old roommate Erin, who had a bizarre inability to tell when I’m joking, I will let you know that I am, in fact, joking. Kanye will probably make this shit all “high fashion” and experimental by wearing a leather, white grown and making Kim wear a tux made out of raccoon eyelashes. Yes, I said he’d be wearing the gown.

Anyway,?sources are saying that?Kanye asked his super BFFAAPAD (best friends for ever and always plus?a day), Jay-Z, if he would be his best man, and you know what Jay-Z said? NO! Jay-Z said he would be apart of the fuckery that is Kimye’s wedding, and you know why? Because he and Beyonc? (who I like to call Bey-Z) want nothing to do with that tacky ass Keeping up with The Kardashians shit. Yeah, no duh.

Pamela Anderson’s Married So Many Guys, She’s Doubling Back On Herself

January 13th, 2014 By Rhiannon Davies

Brace yourselves, this one might take some getting used to. Pamela Anderson has actually managed to keep some part of her private life…private.?

Forget Tila Tequila, the original president of the exclusive ‘Two Sex Tapes’ club quietly remarried Rick Salomon over the holidays and we are two whole weeks into 2014, still ?with no sign of physical proof that they’ve consummated their love! Wonders never cease, guys.

Kelly Clarkson Squashes Lesbian Rumors by Marrying a Dude

October 23rd, 2013 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

It seems like just yesterday that tabloids and gossip sites alike were run rampant with rumors that American Idol sweetheart, Kelly Clarkson, was a secret lesbian (which would make sense, as all her songs about relationships with men were pretty negative). However, this past weekend Clarkson proved all of us wrong by actually marrying a guy!

When the rumors that Kelly Clarkson was gay first hit the media, I totally bought into it. Not because she seemed like a lesbian all that much, but more so because unlike her country counter parts (Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood) her love life had never been much for tabloid fodder. When a celebrity doesn’t whore out their personal relationships I either assume a) they’re gay, or b) they’re into some really weird shit.

Avril Lavigne’s Wedding Was Every 13-Year Old Emo Kid’s Dream

July 4th, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

Remember that phase you went through sometime in middle school? The one where you shopped exclusively in the ‘punk’ section of Claire’s Accessories and thought you were so?rebellious for wearing copious amounts of eyeliner and Converse All Stars? It looks like Avril Lavigne never grew out of hers.?

Do people still use the word ’emo’? Well if they do, Avril’s Canada Day wedding to Chad Kroeger, the formerly floppy haired Nickelback singer, fall firmly underneath that umbrella. of course, the official theme was ‘romantic goth’ , but no goth worth their salt would be caught dead with straggly hair extensions and poorly applied eyeliner.

Paris Hilton Was Too Busy, Or Too Important, Or Too Unimportant, Maybe, To Attend Nicole Richie’s Wedding

December 15th, 2010 By Amy Grindhouse

Paris Hilton had been best friends with Nicole Richie since the age of two – and yet did not attend the wedding of she and Joel Madden. Was Paris dying, finally, of some horrid communicable disease?

Was she otherwise busy finding the cure for her inevitable bevy of STDs? Was she washing her hair? Was she heck!

The wedding of Nicole was attended by celebrities lower on the food chain than former-best friend, Paris. There was friend, and companion on her bachelorrette party, Samantha Ronson, and Gwen Stefani, and Khloe Kardashian-Odom.

Fergie To Only Urinate Herself As A Married Woman Now

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Fergie from Black Eyed Peas goes by many names – Fergie, Stacey Ferguson, The Duchess, The Poundstretcher Madonna.

But now she’s also Mrs Duhamel. On Saturday Fergie married dangerously minor actor Josh Duhamel during a beautiful ceremony in Malibu. So, you know, if you thought you’d heard the story about how Fergie took crystal meth as a kid too often, have a little sympathy for Josh Duhamel – he’ll have to hear it every day until he dies.

Best of all though, every single D-lister who’s ever walked the earth saw Fergie and Duhamel get married. Oh Sarin, you’re never there when you’re needed.

Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt Continue To Waste Our Time

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Remember when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills got married and everyone wondered if it was the biggest non-event in all of history?

Guess what – it wasn’t! According to all sorts of horribly depressing reports, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren’t going to legally formalise their Mexican wedding! It was all a great big waste of everyone’s time!

But, really, Heidi and Spencer should know that fake weddings are so passe – next time they want headlines they should try something more original, like getting caught in a bear trap or developing asbestos poisoning or playing frisbee with some landmines or something.

Heidi Montag’s Ma Goes Batpoo About Spencer Pratt Wedding

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

And now a public service announcement: Kids, if you’re thinking about getting married, remember to always invite your mother.

But don’t invite your mother to your wedding just because the eternal bond of love you share makes you want her to share the happiest day of your life. Do it because if you don’t she’ll publicly will your marriage to fail and suggest that you only got married in the first place because your husband drugged you.

Because that’s what Heidi Montag‘s mother did after Heidi married Spencer Pratt. Lady, there’s a seat warm at hecklerspray whenever you want it.