Articles tagged with: celebrity weddings
Fergie To Only Urinate Herself As A Married Woman Now
Fergie from Black Eyed Peas goes by many names - Fergie, Stacey Ferguson, The Duchess, The Poundstretcher Madonna. But now she's also Mrs Duhamel. On Saturday Fergie married dangerously minor actor Josh Duhamel during a beautiful ceremony in Malibu. So, you know, if you thought you'd heard the story about how Fergie took crystal meth as a kid too often, have a little sympathy for Josh Duhamel - he'll have to hear it every day until he dies. Best of all though, every single D-lister who's ever walked the earth saw Fergie and Duhamel get married. Oh Sarin, you're never there when you're needed.
Fergie from Black Eyed Peas goes by many names - Fergie, Stacey Ferguson, The Duchess, The Poundstretcher Madonna. But now she's also Mrs Duhamel. On Saturday Fergie married dangerously minor actor Josh Duhamel during a beautiful ceremony in Malibu. So, you know, if you thought you'd heard the story about how Fergie took crystal meth as a kid too often, have a little sympathy for Josh Duhamel - he'll have to hear it every day until he dies. Best of all though, every single D-lister who's ever walked the earth saw Fergie and Duhamel get married. Oh Sarin, you're never there when you're needed.
Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt Continue To Waste Our Time
Remember when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills got married and everyone wondered if it was the biggest non-event in all of history? Guess what - it wasn't! According to all sorts of horribly depressing reports, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren't going to legally formalise their Mexican wedding! It was all a great big waste of everyone's time! But, really, Heidi and Spencer should know that fake weddings are so passe - next time they want headlines they should try something more original, like getting caught in a bear trap or developing asbestos poisoning or playing frisbee with some landmines or something.
Remember when Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills got married and everyone wondered if it was the biggest non-event in all of history? Guess what - it wasn't! According to all sorts of horribly depressing reports, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt aren't going to legally formalise their Mexican wedding! It was all a great big waste of everyone's time! But, really, Heidi and Spencer should know that fake weddings are so passe - next time they want headlines they should try something more original, like getting caught in a bear trap or developing asbestos poisoning or playing frisbee with some landmines or something.
Heidi Montag’s Ma Goes Batpoo About Spencer Pratt Wedding
And now a public service announcement: Kids, if you're thinking about getting married, remember to always invite your mother. But don't invite your mother to your wedding just because the eternal bond of love you share makes you want her to share the happiest day of your life. Do it because if you don't she'll publicly will your marriage to fail and suggest that you only got married in the first place because your husband drugged you. Because that's what Heidi Montag's mother did after Heidi married Spencer Pratt. Lady, there's a seat warm at hecklerspray whenever you want it.
And now a public service announcement: Kids, if you're thinking about getting married, remember to always invite your mother. But don't invite your mother to your wedding just because the eternal bond of love you share makes you want her to share the happiest day of your life. Do it because if you don't she'll publicly will your marriage to fail and suggest that you only got married in the first place because your husband drugged you. Because that's what Heidi Montag's mother did after Heidi married Spencer Pratt. Lady, there's a seat warm at hecklerspray whenever you want it.
Wait, Now Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt AREN’T Married?
We thought Heidi Montag didn't tell her family about her marriage to Spencer Pratt because of a deep sense of burning shame. But we were wrong. It turns out that Heidi Montag didn't tell her family about her marriage to Spencer Pratt because they didn't actually get married. Apparently Heidi and Spencer did had a wedding ceremony in Mexico, but it doesn't count because it was only a symbolic wedding and no official permits were filled in. So Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were just attention seeking by getting married; something completely out of character for both of them. It's hard to know how to react to this news, other than fighting the urge to hit both Spencer and Heidi in the nose with a symbolic cricket bat, then push them down a symbolic flight of stairs and then set some symbolic dogs on them. Remember, it doesn't count if it's symbolic.
We thought Heidi Montag didn't tell her family about her marriage to Spencer Pratt because of a deep sense of burning shame. But we were wrong. It turns out that Heidi Montag didn't tell her family about her marriage to Spencer Pratt because they didn't actually get married. Apparently Heidi and Spencer did had a wedding ceremony in Mexico, but it doesn't count because it was only a symbolic wedding and no official permits were filled in. So Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were just attention seeking by getting married; something completely out of character for both of them. It's hard to know how to react to this news, other than fighting the urge to hit both Spencer and Heidi in the nose with a symbolic cricket bat, then push them down a symbolic flight of stairs and then set some symbolic dogs on them. Remember, it doesn't count if it's symbolic.
Heidi Montag Marries Spencer Pratt, Apparently On Purpose
Hey Nostradamus fans, you know that prophesy about the world ending after the union of the objectionable self-regarding nitwits? Yeah, go ahead and check that one off. It's happened - Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills have run away to Cabo and got married, on the day that future historians will look back on and pinpoint as the greatest crash of humanity's genetic stock market since scientists worked out that incest wasn't very healthy. But that shouldn't detract from the happiness that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt feel in the wake of their marriage. Heidi and Spencer do suit each other remarkably well, after all, and we're sure it won't be long before we start hearing the pattering of tiny, um... what is it that cockroaches have instead of feet? Hooves? The sound of pattering cockroach hooves? No, that doesn't sound right.
Hey Nostradamus fans, you know that prophesy about the world ending after the union of the objectionable self-regarding nitwits? Yeah, go ahead and check that one off. It's happened - Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt from The Hills have run away to Cabo and got married, on the day that future historians will look back on and pinpoint as the greatest crash of humanity's genetic stock market since scientists worked out that incest wasn't very healthy. But that shouldn't detract from the happiness that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt feel in the wake of their marriage. Heidi and Spencer do suit each other remarkably well, after all, and we're sure it won't be long before we start hearing the pattering of tiny, um... what is it that cockroaches have instead of feet? Hooves? The sound of pattering cockroach hooves? No, that doesn't sound right.
Angelina Jolie Will Marry Brad Pitt Just To Shut The Kids Up
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's attitude to marriage is simple - only gay marriage or Jennifer Aniston being really narked off will allow it. Or at least that's what we thought. Now, as part of her confusing 'go against everything she's ever said, done or thought' promotion for The Changeling, Angelina Jolie has admitted that she will inevitably get married to Brad Pitt, but only to stop her children from pestering them for a wedding. It just goes to show how persuasive a small army of multinational children can be. If they can make Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get married, just think what else the Jolie-Pitt kids could achieve if they harnessed their pester power properly. They could even aim for the impossible. You know what we mean - if they all work in unison, they could convince Angelina Jolie to make a film that doesn't stink like a corpseful of turds for once.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's attitude to marriage is simple - only gay marriage or Jennifer Aniston being really narked off will allow it. Or at least that's what we thought. Now, as part of her confusing 'go against everything she's ever said, done or thought' promotion for The Changeling, Angelina Jolie has admitted that she will inevitably get married to Brad Pitt, but only to stop her children from pestering them for a wedding. It just goes to show how persuasive a small army of multinational children can be. If they can make Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get married, just think what else the Jolie-Pitt kids could achieve if they harnessed their pester power properly. They could even aim for the impossible. You know what we mean - if they all work in unison, they could convince Angelina Jolie to make a film that doesn't stink like a corpseful of turds for once.
George Takei To William Shatner: The Equally Baffling Counter-Spaz
George Takei and William Shatner have seen so much together - like new planets, new civilisations and possibly Uhura's labia. But despite their 40-year professional obligations to each other, George Takei and William Shatner are still happy to take chunks out of each other in public. Like yesterday, for instance, when William Shatner went on the internet to endlessly bitch about how psychotic George Takei was for not inviting him to his wedding. At the time, George Takei told everyone that actually he had invited William Shatner to his wedding but, just in case anyone missed it, he's decided to reassert his claim - while throwing in some new jabs about Shatner's stability for good measure. On television. Honestly, this is just like that movie Grumpy Old Men, only worse because neither of them are dead yet.
George Takei and William Shatner have seen so much together - like new planets, new civilisations and possibly Uhura's labia. But despite their 40-year professional obligations to each other, George Takei and William Shatner are still happy to take chunks out of each other in public. Like yesterday, for instance, when William Shatner went on the internet to endlessly bitch about how psychotic George Takei was for not inviting him to his wedding. At the time, George Takei told everyone that actually he had invited William Shatner to his wedding but, just in case anyone missed it, he's decided to reassert his claim - while throwing in some new jabs about Shatner's stability for good measure. On television. Honestly, this is just like that movie Grumpy Old Men, only worse because neither of them are dead yet.
William Shatner: George Takei Loves His Husband But Hates Me (With Video)
When you invite William Shatner to your wedding, you only give yourself two possible outcomes. The first outcome involves him trying to convince the big, white cake he really is a lawyer - and that he absolutely understands all the legal jargon and everything - for the complete duration of your first dance. The second possible outcome involves him crashing a life-size mock-up of the Starship Enterprise through the beautiful gazebo your grandfather lovingly finished building for you the day before his last heart attack. We heard that last one he actually did to Leonard Nemoy. Seriously - there were tractor beam parts all over the roof, gutters, guest cars and lawn. This is why, we assume, Bill Shatner was not invited to Helmsman Sulu's big gay history-book wedding. Shatner doesn't understand this though, and he seems kinda pissed about his lack of an invite.
When you invite William Shatner to your wedding, you only give yourself two possible outcomes. The first outcome involves him trying to convince the big, white cake he really is a lawyer - and that he absolutely understands all the legal jargon and everything - for the complete duration of your first dance. The second possible outcome involves him crashing a life-size mock-up of the Starship Enterprise through the beautiful gazebo your grandfather lovingly finished building for you the day before his last heart attack. We heard that last one he actually did to Leonard Nemoy. Seriously - there were tractor beam parts all over the roof, gutters, guest cars and lawn. This is why, we assume, Bill Shatner was not invited to Helmsman Sulu's big gay history-book wedding. Shatner doesn't understand this though, and he seems kinda pissed about his lack of an invite.
