Posts tagged as:

celebrity sons

Minnie Driver Has A Baby, Bewilderingly Names It Story

by Stuart Heritage

When it comes to curly-haired British minor actresses, it goes without saying that Minnie Driver is definitely in our top two or three hundred.

That’s why we’re just so thrilled that Minnie Driver has managed to successfully give birth to her first baby. It’s been reported that Minnie Driver gave birth to her son on Friday, and she’s even named it Henry Story Driver. Story. It’s almost as if Minnie Driver is playing along at being a celebrity, isn’t it? It’s sweet.

Not too much is known about Minnie Driver’s baby, but fingers crossed that it hasn’t inherited Minnie’s humongous jaw and, if it has, that it wasn’t a natural birth. Delivering a baby can be painful enough at the best of times, so imagine how bad it’d be to have an industrial jack holding your clodge apart so you baby’s giant mandible doesn’t get snarled up in it. Congratulations Minnie!

When it comes to curly-haired British minor actresses, it goes without saying that Minnie Driver is definitely in our top two or three hundred. That's why we're just so thrilled that Minnie Driver has managed to successfully give birth to her first baby. It's been reported that Minnie Driver gave birth to her son on Friday, and she's even named it Henry Story Driver. Story. It's almost as if Minnie Driver is playing along at being a celebrity, isn't it? It's sweet. Not too much is known about Minnie Driver's baby, but fingers crossed that it hasn't inherited Minnie's humongous jaw and, if it has, that it wasn't a natural birth. Delivering a baby can be painful enough at the best of times, so imagine how bad it'd be to have an industrial jack holding your clodge apart so you baby's giant mandible doesn't get snarled up in it. Congratulations Minnie!
3 comments Read more >>>

Christina Aguilera In ‘Quite Likes Own Baby’ Shocker

by Stuart Heritage

Probably the last taboo of motherhood is admitting that you feel affection towards your baby, because it’s crass and almost definitely a lie.

But Christina Aguilera is all about shattering taboos – she shattered the one about not honking like a wounded moose in song for starters – and that’s why ChristinaAguilera has just made history as the first woman ever to publicly say that she actually enjoys spending time with her baby. Of course, ChristinaAguilera’s comments happen to neatly tie in with the launch of her new fragrance, so there’s every chance she was just being deliberately controversial to stoke up sales.

Incidentally, we heard that the new Christina Aguilera perfume is inspired by her first few months of motherhood, which is why it smells like a mixture of yellow poo and her own tears.

Probably the last taboo of motherhood is admitting that you feel affection towards your baby, because it's crass and almost definitely a lie. But Christina Aguilera is all about shattering taboos - she shattered the one about not honking like a wounded moose in song for starters - and that's why ChristinaAguilera has just made history as the first woman ever to publicly say that she actually enjoys spending time with her baby. Of course, ChristinaAguilera's comments happen to neatly tie in with the launch of her new fragrance, so there's every chance she was just being deliberately controversial to stoke up sales. Incidentally, we heard that the new Christina Aguilera perfume is inspired by her first few months of motherhood, which is why it smells like a mixture of yellow poo and her own tears.
1 comment Read more >>>

Dr Dre’s Dead Son Gets A Toxicology Test

by Stuart Heritage

The death of Andre Young Jr – the 20-year-old son of Dr Dre – has shocked many, mainly because nobody seems to know why he even died.

Andre Young Jr was found dead on Saturday morning. However, the auopsy carried out on his body offered no clues into his cause of death. And that means that everyone involved will have to go through an uncomfortable wait while a toxicology test is carried out.

As sad as this obviously is, the parralels between Dr Dre’s son and Anna Nicole Smith are painfully clear. In short this story will probably go on forever, with weird scary clown facepaint videos and a lengthy investigation into the paternity of Andre Young Jr’s bab… no, wait, it’s nothing like Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Sorry.

7 comments Read more >>>

Gwen Stefani Fires Another Baby Into The Ever-Increasing Bag of Celebrity Babies

by Ian Dransfield

Gwen Stefani has gone and done what everyone else in the world of celeb-o-vision has been doing recently. Yes, she’s had a baby with that bloke from over here. You know, that one who used to be semi-famous for that one song his band did. Gavin… something. From Bush. Anyway, whoever he is and Gwen [...]

4 comments Read more >>>

50 Cent Loves His Son And Doesn’t Take Drugs, The Big Girl

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone knows what they want from 50 Cent – and that’s gritty, hardcore tales of violent life on the streets.

However, don’t be surprised if 50 Cent’s next CD is a concept album about the art of making quiches and other assorted fancy continental pastry dishes, because 50 Cent, so help us god, has turned soft.

How soft? Get this – 50 Cent wanted to take his little boy on vacation so much that he took, and passed, a court-ordered drug test. Not taking drugs? Caring for his own children? Really, 50 Cent, what kind of role model do you call yourself? Quickly, go and mug a pensioner or shoot a policeman before it’s too late. Yeeuch.

10 comments Read more >>>

Matthew McConaughey Unironically Names Baby After Biblical Figure

by Stuart Heritage

As the world slowly comes to terms with the fact that Matthew McConaughey has successfully spawned, fears over what he’d name his baby have gradually taken hold.

But it’s OK – Matthew McConaughey isn’t like all these other ridiculous celebrities with their weird predilictions for nutty baby names. Instead Matthew McConaughey has chosen a simple, humble name for his new son – Levi Alves McConaughey – after his favourite character in the Bible.

By naming his baby Levi, Matthew McConaughey must secretly hope that the boy grows up to be the equal of the biblical figure – an astrologist who once stabbed the entire male population of a city to death because one of them might have raped his sister. Still, rather that than making romantic comedies for a living like his dad, eh?

2 comments Read more >>>

Matthew McConaughey Takes All The Credit For His New Baby

by Stuart Heritage

Alright, we get it, you celebrities are fertile, well done – now do you think you can stop firing babies out of your mimsies, please?

We’re only asking because Matthew McConaughey has just become a father for the first time, and everyone knows that Matthew McConaughey kills fads as soon as he so much as looks at them.

Matthew McConaughey announced the birth of his new son via an embarrassingly self-congratulatory statement making much about the fact that he managed to stand next to his girlfriend the whole time. McConaughey’s right to crow, though, because he knows for certain that the baby is definitely his – when it was born it was shirtless, naturally bald and kept making this irritating “Waaah waaah” noise all the time. Sounds like a perfect match to us.

0 comments Read more >>>

Jim Carrey Marches For Boy-Love Or Something

by Stuart Heritage

Imagine how awesome it’d be if Jim Carrey was your dad. Wait, did we say ‘awesome’? We meant ‘soul-draining’.

We’d imagine that Jim Carrey would be the sort of parent who makes your friends say “Wow, your dad is so cool!” forcing you to explain to them that waking up every morning knowing that you’re about to be subjected to a tedious 45-minute comic improvisational display involving a spoon and pair of slippers has made your life a sheer unrelenting hell on earth.

Anyway, Jim Carrey does have a son – a six-year-old autistic boy called Evan. And even though Evan isn’t his and he’s not married to the woman who gave birth to Evan, Jim Carrey’s just gone on a march and told a magazine that Evan has ‘taught him how to love’, something that must bring tears of joy to the eyes of Jim Carrey’s 20-year-old biological daughter.

Imagine how awesome it'd be if Jim Carrey was your dad. Wait, did we say 'awesome'? We meant 'soul-draining'. We'd imagine that Jim Carrey would be the sort of parent who makes your friends say "Wow, your dad is so cool!" forcing you to explain to them that waking up every morning knowing that you're about to be subjected to a tedious 45-minute comic improvisational display involving a spoon and pair of slippers has made your life a sheer unrelenting hell on earth. Anyway, Jim Carrey does have a son - a six-year-old autistic boy called Evan. And even though Evan isn't his and he's not married to the woman who gave birth to Evan, Jim Carrey's just gone on a march and told a magazine that Evan has 'taught him how to love', something that must bring tears of joy to the eyes of Jim Carrey's 20-year-old biological daughter.
0 comments Read more >>>

Hulk Hogan’s Son In Solitary, Not Exactly Thrilled About It

by Stuart Heritage

Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you’re not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates.

Hulk Hogan’s son Nick Bollea isn’t getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he’s in solitary.

Because his jail can’t accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can’t be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he’s only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.

Being in jail can be a miserable experience, especially when you're not allowed vital bonding time with the assorted rapists and murderers that count as your new flatmates. Hulk Hogan's son Nick Bollea isn't getting any of that at the moment, despite being sentenced to eight months in jail for crashing his car and putting his friend in a care home forever. Sure, Nick Bollea is actually in jail at the moment, but he's in solitary. Because his jail can't accommodate minors properly, Nick Bollea has to spend all day on his own in a tiny cell where his meals are passed to him through a slot in the door. It can't be much fun for Nick Bollea to be kept alone with his thoughts, mostly because he's only ever had one thought and that was in 1998 and, to be fair, it was more of a nonspecific gurgle than anything you could say was grounded in cognitive perception.
5 comments Read more >>>

50 Cent Still To Call Smoke-Damaged Son After House Fire

by Stuart Heritage

Typical – first 50 Cent releases an album and it’s upstaged by Kanye West’s album, and now his house fire’s been upstaged by the Universal Studios fire.

Not that a little thing like the Back To The Future clocktower burning down will stop people from being curious about the 50 Cent house fire, though – especially as it came right in the middle of an ugly public feud between 50 Cent and his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins, who was living in the house at the time.

And now the mystery has got a little deeper, because Tompkins is claiming that 50 Cent hasn’t bothered to call their 10-year-old son Marquise after the fire, even though he was treated for smoke inhalation. But you know what they say – better to have no contact at all than to record a mawkish vom-inducing Eminem-style ‘Daddy loves you’ track about it.

Typical - first 50 Cent releases an album and it's upstaged by Kanye West's album, and now his house fire's been upstaged by the Universal Studios fire. Not that a little thing like the Back To The Future clocktower burning down will stop people from being curious about the 50 Cent house fire, though - especially as it came right in the middle of an ugly public feud between 50 Cent and his ex-girlfriend Shaniqua Tompkins, who was living in the house at the time. And now the mystery has got a little deeper, because Tompkins is claiming that 50 Cent hasn't bothered to call their 10-year-old son Marquise after the fire, even though he was treated for smoke inhalation. But you know what they say - better to have no contact at all than to record a mawkish vom-inducing Eminem-style 'Daddy loves you' track about it.
3 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →