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celebrity sex

Lindsay Lohan Back On The Sauce Again, Again

by Stuart Heritage

As a recovering addict, Lindsay Lohan knows that the moment even an atom of booze passes her lips she’ll fill her trousers with cocaine and go and crash her car somewhere stupid.

But still, that threat alone hasn’t stopped Lindsay Lohan from impinging on her Year Of Sex, because it’s been reported that Lindsay Lohan recently went out, rubbed herself up and down two different men, chugged a bunch of cocktails and then had a fight with some photographers.

Yeah yeah, allegedly. Jeez.

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Cheryl Cole Ridiculously Still With That Husband Of Hers

by Stuart Heritage

It hasn’t been a good weekend for Cheryl Cole – it started on Friday with news that her husband Ashley Cole had dicked a woman and ended yesterday with news that Ashley Cole had dicked another woman.

In fact, the way things are going, there’s a chance that Ashley Cole has probably had sex with you, too, in your sleep or when he walked past you when you were climbing up a ladder. But none of it matters, because Cheryl Cole has vowed to stand by her apparently marauding husband.

Funny, we always thought that Sarah Harding was the stupid one from Girls Aloud.

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Lindsay Lohan Gets Off With All Of Italy

by Stuart Heritage

Lindsay Lohan is nothing if not a people person, so long as those people are male, Italian, slightly demented by lust and in possession of a tongue that they can waggle around inside Lindsay’s gob.

Lindsay Lohan, you see, was in Capri recently for a film festival – something that she celebrated by snogging the arse off almost all of the island’s men. Well, three of them at least – if accounts are to be believed, Lindsay Lohan managed to smooch waiter Alessandro Di Nunzio and actors Dario Faiella and Eduardo Costa all within the space of 24 hours. So it seems that Lindsay Lohan’s type is Italian men from Capri. Well, Italian men. Well, men. Well, humans. Well, any living creature of any kind, really. Or objects. Any living creature or any inanimate object. We hope that’s narrowed it down a little.

Lindsay Lohan is nothing if not a people person, so long as those people are male, Italian, slightly demented by lust and in possession of a tongue that they can waggle around inside Lindsay's gob. Lindsay Lohan, you see, was in Capri recently for a film festival - something that she celebrated by snogging the arse off almost all of the island's men. Well, three of them at least - if accounts are to be believed, Lindsay Lohan managed to smooch waiter Alessandro Di Nunzio and actors Dario Faiella and Eduardo Costa all within the space of 24 hours. So it seems that Lindsay Lohan's type is Italian men from Capri. Well, Italian men. Well, men. Well, humans. Well, any living creature of any kind, really. Or objects. Any living creature or any inanimate object. We hope that's narrowed it down a little.
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Lindsay Lohan & Heath Ledger Doing The Boinky Boink?

by Stuart Heritage

Another day, another man to cross off our ever-dwindling list of men who Lindsay Lohan hasn’t got round to shagging yet – this time, it’s Heath Ledger.

Reports are coming in that recently-single Lindsay Lohan and recently-single Heath Ledger have fallen into the sort of fairytale state of love that makes every waking moment feel as if they’re riding through candy clouds on winged unicorns made out of gumdrops. Either that or Lindsay and Heath keep doing it with each other in a vaguely squalid way all the time. Either way, we can totally get what Heath Ledger sees in Lindsay Lohan – with the new Batman movie coming out in a few short months, Heath’s going to need to really ratchet up the crazy for the promotion drive, and if he manages to absorb even 10% of Lohan’s crazy he’ll be scaring all the children for years to come.

Another day, another man to cross off our ever-dwindling list of men who Lindsay Lohan hasn't got round to shagging yet - this time, it's Heath Ledger. Reports are coming in that recently-single Lindsay Lohan and recently-single Heath Ledger have fallen into the sort of fairytale state of love that makes every waking moment feel as if they're riding through candy clouds on winged unicorns made out of gumdrops. Either that or Lindsay and Heath keep doing it with each other in a vaguely squalid way all the time. Either way, we can totally get what Heath Ledger sees in Lindsay Lohan - with the new Batman movie coming out in a few short months, Heath's going to need to really ratchet up the crazy for the promotion drive, and if he manages to absorb even 10% of Lohan's crazy he'll be scaring all the children for years to come.
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Samantha Janus Officially Not Into Drug-Filled Lesbian Orgies

by Stuart Heritage

Say what you like about Samatha Janus – actually, no, don’t say what you like about Samantha Janus, especially if it’s about how much Samantha Janus likes having lesbian orgies on drugs, because she’ll just end up suing you.

And more than that, she’ll end up winning – because Samantha Janus definitely, officially, legally doesn’t like to have massive lesbian orgies on drugs, because that’s what The Sunday Sport said about her and she’s just won a giant load of damages for it. And let’s hope that Samantha Janus’ disinterest in having massive sweaty lesbian orgies on drugs also stretches to the rest of her EastEnders TV family, because that way we know that the frankly rather sickening mental images we’ve been having of Phil Mitchell all red-faced in the middle of a three-hour massive sweaty lesbian sex orgy on drugs will never manifest themselves physically.

Say what you like about Samatha Janus - actually, no, don't say what you like about Samantha Janus, especially if it's about how much Samantha Janus likes having lesbian orgies on drugs, because she'll just end up suing you. And more than that, she'll end up winning - because Samantha Janus definitely, officially, legally doesn't like to have massive lesbian orgies on drugs, because that's what The Sunday Sport said about her and she's just won a giant load of damages for it. And let's hope that Samantha Janus' disinterest in having massive sweaty lesbian orgies on drugs also stretches to the rest of her EastEnders TV family, because that way we know that the frankly rather sickening mental images we've been having of Phil Mitchell all red-faced in the middle of a three-hour massive sweaty lesbian sex orgy on drugs will never manifest themselves physically.
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