Articles tagged with: Celebrity marriages
Mr Sulu To Gay-Marry Everyone, Or Just His Boyfriend Or Whatever
Everyone loves a good homemade honeymoon sex video that's been leaked onto the internet, don't they? Which is why everyone should prepare themselves for the holy grail of honeymoon sex tapes. Or, to be more precise, the holy grail of honeymoon sex tapes featuring a 71-year-old Asian man humping his 54-year-old husband with every ounce of strength left in his feeble body. That's right - George Takei fron Star Trek is getting married! News of George Takei's wedding comes hot on the heels of California overturning its ban on gay marriage. And, as happy as we are that George Takei can formalise a relationship he's had for 21 years, maybe this new law will make it easier for other closeted gay actors to finally come out and stop living a lie. That's right, Doogie Howser, we're looking at you.
Everyone loves a good homemade honeymoon sex video that's been leaked onto the internet, don't they? Which is why everyone should prepare themselves for the holy grail of honeymoon sex tapes. Or, to be more precise, the holy grail of honeymoon sex tapes featuring a 71-year-old Asian man humping his 54-year-old husband with every ounce of strength left in his feeble body. That's right - George Takei fron Star Trek is getting married! News of George Takei's wedding comes hot on the heels of California overturning its ban on gay marriage. And, as happy as we are that George Takei can formalise a relationship he's had for 21 years, maybe this new law will make it easier for other closeted gay actors to finally come out and stop living a lie. That's right, Doogie Howser, we're looking at you.
Ashlee Simpson Gets Married, Turns Out She’s Pregnant
Hooray for love and life! Ashlee Simpson has married Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz and has a little celebrity hybrid leeching on her insides.
They swapped declarations of love and commitment in front of close friends and family yesterday during a fairytale wedding ceremony (it was Alice in Wonderland themed) and Ashlee chose to reveal her pregnancy to everyone at the reception, OK! Magazine reported.
Barely a month has passed since Ashlee announced her engagement to Wentz. Barely a month has passed since the pregnancy rumours started. Back then Pete Wentz said this:
There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood. This is all news to me. Oh yeah, hecklerspray knows how to hunt down a witch!
Ellen & Portia To Sob About Puppies As Properly Married Couple
You know what's hotter than lesbian sex? Lesbian sex rendered listless and infrequent by marriage! And it turns out that's exactly what Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will soon get to experience for themselves because - thanks to California overturning its ban on gay marriage - Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossie are totally getting married. With the door opened for gay marriages in Hollywood, no doubt Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will want to be among the first lesbians to formalise their civil partnership. Because that way they'll exponentially increase the chances of being the first lesbians to undertake a messy, bitterness-filled girl-on-girl celebrity divorce. We can't wait!
You know what's hotter than lesbian sex? Lesbian sex rendered listless and infrequent by marriage! And it turns out that's exactly what Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will soon get to experience for themselves because - thanks to California overturning its ban on gay marriage - Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossie are totally getting married. With the door opened for gay marriages in Hollywood, no doubt Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will want to be among the first lesbians to formalise their civil partnership. Because that way they'll exponentially increase the chances of being the first lesbians to undertake a messy, bitterness-filled girl-on-girl celebrity divorce. We can't wait!
Papoose Apparently Tries To Bust Remy Ma Out Of Prison
How many rap superstars have gone to prison in the past few years? 100? 200? Well we don’t have an exact count, but we heard that in Atlanta they make up more than half of the incarcerated population. Further rumor has it that while in there they all join together making beautiful music banging tin coffee cups on their cell bars and slapping out dope beats by smacking soap-on-a-rope into the bare bottoms of their cell mates. It's all melody they tell us. And on the chain gang they sing into their pickaxes. It’s just what we heard. Whatever stories you’ve heard about rappers in prison before – forget them. They pale in comparison to this one. That’s because this one involves Remy Ma getting smuggled a possible means of escape by her rhyme-loving groom.
How many rap superstars have gone to prison in the past few years? 100? 200? Well we don’t have an exact count, but we heard that in Atlanta they make up more than half of the incarcerated population. Further rumor has it that while in there they all join together making beautiful music banging tin coffee cups on their cell bars and slapping out dope beats by smacking soap-on-a-rope into the bare bottoms of their cell mates. It's all melody they tell us. And on the chain gang they sing into their pickaxes. It’s just what we heard. Whatever stories you’ve heard about rappers in prison before – forget them. They pale in comparison to this one. That’s because this one involves Remy Ma getting smuggled a possible means of escape by her rhyme-loving groom.
Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz Totally Getting Married On Saturday
Everyone loves a nice wedding, don't they? Or failing that, a mediocre wedding. Or failing that, a wedding between Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. And it's a good job that everyone loves that, because it's been reported that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are going to get married this very Saturday. We know! It clashes with Norwegian Constitution Day! We're so torn! But what about the details of this Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz marriage extravaganza? Has it been officially confirmed? No. Where will it be held? We don't know. Does this mean that Pete Wentz definitely knocked Ashlee Simpson up? Probably. What if he hasn't? Then they're both idiots. How long will this marriage last, anyway? Probably like a week, maybe.
Everyone loves a nice wedding, don't they? Or failing that, a mediocre wedding. Or failing that, a wedding between Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. And it's a good job that everyone loves that, because it's been reported that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are going to get married this very Saturday. We know! It clashes with Norwegian Constitution Day! We're so torn! But what about the details of this Ashlee Simpson/ Pete Wentz marriage extravaganza? Has it been officially confirmed? No. Where will it be held? We don't know. Does this mean that Pete Wentz definitely knocked Ashlee Simpson up? Probably. What if he hasn't? Then they're both idiots. How long will this marriage last, anyway? Probably like a week, maybe.
Mariah Carey Marries That Bloke, Which Is Mental
An apology: yesterday we said that Mariah Carey would never marry Nick Cannon because they've only just met and nobody's that stupid. We now solemnly swear to never underestimate the stupidity of another celebrity again. And that's because Mariah Carey has got married to Nick Cannon. According to various reports, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married earlier this week in the Bahamas after knowing each other for just over a month. Nothing's been officially confirmed by either Mariah or Nick yet, though, which sort of makes this a repeat of the Jay-Z and Beyonce wedding, if Beyonce was a bloke we'd never heard of and Jay-Z was an annoying woman who had a mental breakdown quite recently.
An apology: yesterday we said that Mariah Carey would never marry Nick Cannon because they've only just met and nobody's that stupid. We now solemnly swear to never underestimate the stupidity of another celebrity again. And that's because Mariah Carey has got married to Nick Cannon. According to various reports, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon got married earlier this week in the Bahamas after knowing each other for just over a month. Nothing's been officially confirmed by either Mariah or Nick yet, though, which sort of makes this a repeat of the Jay-Z and Beyonce wedding, if Beyonce was a bloke we'd never heard of and Jay-Z was an annoying woman who had a mental breakdown quite recently.
Jay-Z & Beyonce Really Married After All, Then
Nobody really knows for sure if Jay-Z and Beyonce got married recently - sure, there may be unquestionable proof that they did, but nobody knows for sure. Admittedly Mary J Blige said that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married, plus they both applied for a marriage license right before the alleged wedding, plus the woman who did the flowers for the wedding said that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married and they've both been seen wearing giant wedding rings, but nobody can really say for sure if they're actually married or not. And, yes, admittedly Jay-Z and Beyonce have also just filed their marriage license and a town clerk has confirmed that they are definitely married, but look inside your heart, people. Is it telling you that Jay-Z and Beyonce are really married? It is? It is? Oh, well in that case they probably are married, then. Carry on.
Nobody really knows for sure if Jay-Z and Beyonce got married recently - sure, there may be unquestionable proof that they did, but nobody knows for sure. Admittedly Mary J Blige said that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married, plus they both applied for a marriage license right before the alleged wedding, plus the woman who did the flowers for the wedding said that Jay-Z and Beyonce were married and they've both been seen wearing giant wedding rings, but nobody can really say for sure if they're actually married or not. And, yes, admittedly Jay-Z and Beyonce have also just filed their marriage license and a town clerk has confirmed that they are definitely married, but look inside your heart, people. Is it telling you that Jay-Z and Beyonce are really married? It is? It is? Oh, well in that case they probably are married, then. Carry on.
Wait, Ashlee Simpson Really Is Pregnant Now?
Forget war or paedophile priests or Tibetan freedom protests, the only thing the world wants to know about today is the state of Ashlee Simpson's uterus. If you thought the rumours about Ashlee Simpson's pregnancy were put to bed when her fiance Pete Wentz called them 'crazy' earlier in the week are true, then think again. It's been reported that Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant all along and that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson want to get married as soon as possible before she gets all swollen and crap. But why did Pete Wentz say Ashlee Simpson wasn't pregnant when she really was? Was he telling the truth, making up a barefaced lie or is he just a bit stupid? We wouldn't like to say, but let's not forget that he is in Fall Out Boy, so the stupidity option probably shouldn't be discounted.
Forget war or paedophile priests or Tibetan freedom protests, the only thing the world wants to know about today is the state of Ashlee Simpson's uterus. If you thought the rumours about Ashlee Simpson's pregnancy were put to bed when her fiance Pete Wentz called them 'crazy' earlier in the week are true, then think again. It's been reported that Ashlee Simpson really is pregnant all along and that Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson want to get married as soon as possible before she gets all swollen and crap. But why did Pete Wentz say Ashlee Simpson wasn't pregnant when she really was? Was he telling the truth, making up a barefaced lie or is he just a bit stupid? We wouldn't like to say, but let's not forget that he is in Fall Out Boy, so the stupidity option probably shouldn't be discounted.
