Posts tagged as:

celebrity marriage

Kylie Minogue Back With That Bloke She Dumped

by Stuart Heritage

In the history of the world, there’s never been a more magical couple than Kylie Minogue and that French bloke, whatever his name is.

But sadly Kylie Minogue and Oliver Martinez – that’s his name – split up last year, instantly killing our hopes that they’d eventually have a half-French midget baby with unexplainably tight facial skin.

However, now it looks like Kylie Minogue and Olivier Martinez are back together, and the baby plans are back on. And not a moment too soon – we want to see if Kylie Minogue’s range of one and a half facial expressions is genetic.

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Cheryl Cole Ridiculously Still With That Husband Of Hers

by Stuart Heritage

It hasn’t been a good weekend for Cheryl Cole – it started on Friday with news that her husband Ashley Cole had dicked a woman and ended yesterday with news that Ashley Cole had dicked another woman.

In fact, the way things are going, there’s a chance that Ashley Cole has probably had sex with you, too, in your sleep or when he walked past you when you were climbing up a ladder. But none of it matters, because Cheryl Cole has vowed to stand by her apparently marauding husband.

Funny, we always thought that Sarah Harding was the stupid one from Girls Aloud.

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Did Sienna Miller Bugger Up Sean Penn’s Marriage?

by Stuart Heritage

Now, being married to Sean Penn must be crap at the best of times – it’d be like living with an intense, chainsmoking tramp who won’t stop ranting away in the background about the war from morning until night.

But imagine if you’re married to Sean Penn and all of a sudden Sienna Miller starts openly flirting with him. Would you smash Sienna’s pointless little face in? Would you just be thankful that he’d stopped the war-ranting for a handful of joyous seconds? Or would you just divorce Sean Penn?

Sean Penn’s wife did the last one, apparently. Lazy bitch – she could have at least tried the first one while she was at it.

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Eddie Murphy Splits With Wife After Two Whole Weeks

by Stuart Heritage

By getting married to Tracey Edmonds on New Year’s Day, Eddie Murphy proved to the world that he was a responsible, mature adult and not the prize bell-end that everyone thought.

And now that the he’s proved that to the world, Eddie Murphy’s chucked her.

Yes, two whole weeks after getting married, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have split up. Eddie Murphy must be distraught – he didn’t even get the chance to knock Tracey up, let alone angrily deny that he had anything to do with the pregnancy.

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