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celebrity lawsuit

Phil Spector’s Trial-Hotel To Sue Phil Spector At Trial

by Shawn Lindseth

When Phil Spector needed a place to stay that wasn’t a prison, a jail, or a cot next to the furnace in a friend of a friend’s unfinished basement, The Westin Bonaventure kindly took him in, giving him something called ‘heavenly beds’ and possibly a continental breakfast. But Spector (enter dark looming clouds) didn’t like [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Saved From Fur Coat Lawsuit By Kindly Alcohol Industry

by Stuart Heritage

Here’s the thing – Lindsay Lohan only learns by being punished. Would Lindsay Lohan have gone to rehab if she hadn’t got arrested all the time? No.

Sadly, this is something that needs to be explained to the owner of a New York bar and nightclub. Although Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a student who claims Lindsay stole her $11,000 fur coat from someone else’s bar, John JE Englebert has decided to not only pay the lawsuit settlement on Lindsay Lohan’s behalf, but to also buy her a fur coat identical to the one she allegedly stole.

There’s a cavaet to this deal, though – if Lindsay Lohan accepts his offer, she has to give up this silly ‘recovery’ business of hers. Without Lindsay Lohan’s prodigious alcoholism to buoy his businesses up, he’s had to start farming his children’s internal organs to Russian street gangs just to pay for the sawdust that his family has been reduced to eating these days.

Here's the thing - Lindsay Lohan only learns by being punished. Would Lindsay Lohan have gone to rehab if she hadn't got arrested all the time? No. Sadly, this is something that needs to be explained to the owner of a New York bar and nightclub. Although Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a student who claims Lindsay stole her $11,000 fur coat from someone else's bar, John JE Englebert has decided to not only pay the lawsuit settlement on Lindsay Lohan's behalf, but to also buy her a fur coat identical to the one she allegedly stole. There's a cavaet to this deal, though - if Lindsay Lohan accepts his offer, she has to give up this silly 'recovery' business of hers. Without Lindsay Lohan's prodigious alcoholism to buoy his businesses up, he's had to start farming his children's internal organs to Russian street gangs just to pay for the sawdust that his family has been reduced to eating these days.
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Lindsay Lohan Sued By Someone Equally As Idiotic As Her

by Stuart Heritage

You know what we like? Stories where every single party involved ends up looking like the worst kind of twat.

So you can imagine our delight when we heard that the woman who accused Lindsay Lohan of stealing her fur coat has now made things official and has hit Lindsay with an actual lawsuit even though the coat was returned to her some months ago.

We know we don’t live in New York, but can anyone swing it for us to be the judge for this one? And while you’re at it, can you can also change the law so that we’re allowed to find both Lindsay Lohan and this Masha Markova woman guilty of being needless spaz-wipes and punish them by throwing them and their stupid coat into an active volcano forever while we dance around it wearing ghoulish animal masks? It’d mean a lot, thanks.

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Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley & Arun Nayar Win A Load Of Lawsuit Cash

by Stuart Heritage

If you see Hugh Grant or Liz Hurley, you’re bound to want to take a picture of them.

That’s just basic logic at work – your choices are essentially limited to taking a picture of Hugh Grant or Liz Hurley or approaching them and saying “Hi, I really loved you in Music And Lyrics/ Passenger 57.” And only the very worst kind of pathological liar would think to do that last one.

But wait – don’t go taking pictures of Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley without their permission, because they’ll sue you and win £58,000, which is what happened yesterday after a photo agency took their picture on holiday. The moral of this story is that Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley value their privacy, although clearly not enough to stop making films and doing modelling jobs. Even though everyone sort of wishes they would.

If you see Hugh Grant or Liz Hurley, you're bound to want to take a picture of them. That's just basic logic at work - your choices are essentially limited to taking a picture of Hugh Grant or Liz Hurley or approaching them and saying "Hi, I really loved you in Music And Lyrics/ Passenger 57." And only the very worst kind of pathological liar would think to do that last one. But wait - don't go taking pictures of Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley without their permission, because they'll sue you and win £58,000, which is what happened yesterday after a photo agency took their picture on holiday. The moral of this story is that Hugh Grant and Liz Hurley value their privacy, although clearly not enough to stop making films and doing modelling jobs. Even though everyone sort of wishes they would.
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Rob Lowe Nanny Lawsuits: Now With Cockrings!

by Stuart Heritage

That’s it, we’re giving up this stupid blogging lark to become nannies at Rob Lowe’s house – it sounds brilliant there.

Why? Because a new chapter has been opened in the supremely entertaining he said/ she said lawsuits between Rob Lowe and his former nannies. Now a second former nanny has sued the Lowes, but funnily enough Rob Lowe’s name doesn’t really come up.

Instead it’s Rob Lowe’s wife Sheryl Lowe who’s been hit with the brunt of accusations, and they’re ones you’ll want to read. Assuming, that is, you like hearing about a sexually-curious naked woman describing the size of her childrens’ penises and showing Rob Lowe’s cockrings to whoever happens to be passing. You do like that, don’t you?

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JK Rowling: That Unauthorised Harry Potter Book Is ‘Theft’

by Stuart Heritage

As if yesterday’s thrilling installment of That Court Case Where JK Rowling Gets Upset Because Someone Else Wrote A Harry Potter Book wasn’t enthralling enough, there’s more.

That’s because yesterday JK Rowling made it into court to speak about her outrage that a third-party Harry Potter reference book, The Lexicon Of Harry Potter, was being published without her say-so.

“We all know I’ve made enough money. That’s absolutely not why I’m here,” JK Rowling told the courtroom. And that sounds fair – quite often the mega-wealthy lose the thrill of making money and replace it with a new interest. Bill Gates has his epic philanthropic organisation, for example, and JK Rowling now has crushing the dreams of people who aren’t as rich as her.

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Nanny: ‘Rob Lowe Waggled His Love Sausage At Me’

by Stuart Heritage

As if the business of Rob Lowe suing three former employees for extortion wasn’t complicated enough, now there’s a doozy of a countersuit.

And we mean it’s a doozy. Rob Lowe’s 24-year-old former nanny Jessica Gibson has hit back at Lowe with a lawsuit of her own that claims Rob Lowe kept exposing himself to her, tried repeatedly to shove his hands down her knickers and grabbed her buttocks in all kinds of different ways.

This quarrel between Rob Lowe and his nanny is turning into an expensive game of he said/she said that’ll leave no reputations intact whatsoever. Having said that, though, perhaps it’s all a mix-up – perhaps Rob Lowe was only grabbing Jessica Gibson’s buttocks so he could see how dreamy it made his forearms look. That’d certainly make more sense.

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JK Rowling Vs Harry Potter Book: Let The Dull Legal Battle Commence!

by Stuart Heritage

JK Rowling knows everything there is about Harry Potter – her brain is literally a soggy, pulsating Harry Potter encyclopedia.

And JK Rowling wants to pass on her unbeatable knowledge of Harry Potter to the fans by cutting the top of her skull off, smooshing her brain into a billion tiny globs and selling them on to Harry Potter fans for a million pounds each. Or she wants to write a Harry Potter encyclopedia and sell that instead. We forget which.

Anyway, a new third party Harry Potter encyclopedia that’s coming out soon has got JK Rowling worried – not only will it scupper sales of the official JK Rowling-written encyclopedia, but it’ll also be an inferior product because it won’t make JK Rowling any money. Anyway, JK Rowling’s great big lawsuit has begun. And it’s either really exciting or quite dull. We forget which.

JK Rowling knows everything there is about Harry Potter - her brain is literally a soggy, pulsating Harry Potter encyclopedia. And JK Rowling wants to pass on her unbeatable knowledge of Harry Potter to the fans by cutting the top of her skull off, smooshing her brain into a billion tiny globs and selling them on to Harry Potter fans for a million pounds each. Or she wants to write a Harry Potter encyclopedia and sell that instead. We forget which. Anyway, a new third party Harry Potter encyclopedia that's coming out soon has got JK Rowling worried - not only will it scupper sales of the official JK Rowling-written encyclopedia, but it'll also be an inferior product because it won't make JK Rowling any money. Anyway, JK Rowling's great big lawsuit has begun. And it's either really exciting or quite dull. We forget which.
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Heath Ledger Was Framed?

by Paul Sorrenti

Heath Ledger Was Framed?A lawsuit filed in Los Angeles yesterday, by an unidentified freelance reporter from People magazine, claims that Heath Ledger was plied with cocaine and secretly filmed by a pair of undercover paparazzi.

It is claimed photographers Eric Munn and Darren Banks, back in January 2006, tricked Heath into thinking they were guests at the Chateau Marmont Hotel. Once they’d gained his trust the three men went into the room of unspecific People magazine reporter, where Eric gave Heath a ‘packet’ of cocaine.

Now you, dear hecklerspray reader, are no doubt like us, your dear hecklerspray team, in as much as you wouldn’t know a packet of cocaine if it was shoved up your arse by some dishevelled local upon a family outing to Botoga.

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George Lucas Shoots Storm-Trooper Legal Laser

by Shawn Lindseth

If The Empire Strikes Back had culminated with Luke Skywalker suing in a court of law to get his hand back, then that movie would have been more of a legal drama than a sci-fi fantasy. That’s just something we’ve been thinking about.

The jury could have been made up of those blue guys that play the flute and maybe a cute banana with eyeballs that roll back in his head when he’s hungry or scared. Now picture that banana on a lunch pale. Money. That’s money right there.

We’re 90% sure that’s going to be the premise for the upcoming live action Star Wars TV series. Luke finally gets his hand back in the second season and from then on he stores it safely in a split-open tauntaun. We just ruined the season-one cliff-hanger finale for you. 1000 apologies.

A cliff-hanger we won’t ruin for you is that the guy George Lucas is currently suing some guy for making Storm Trooper armor and selling it without permission – well that guy ends up being George’s father.

Sorry. 1000 apologies.

If The Empire Strikes Back had culminated with Luke Skywalker suing in a court of law to get his hand back, then that movie would have been more of a legal drama than a sci-fi fantasy. That's just something we've been thinking about. The jury could have been made up of those blue guys that play the flute and maybe a cute banana with eyeballs that roll back in his head when he’s hungry or scared. Now picture that banana on a lunch pale. Money. That's money right there. We’re 90% sure that’s going to be the premise for the upcoming live action Star Wars TV series. Luke finally gets his hand back in the second season and from then on he stores it safely in a split-open tauntaun. We just ruined the season-one cliff-hanger finale for you. 1000 apologies. A cliff-hanger we won’t ruin for you is that the guy George Lucas is currently suing some guy for making Storm Trooper armor and selling it without permission – well that guy ends up being George’s father. Sorry. 1000 apologies.
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