As sure as night follows day and the drinking of cheap supermarket cider instills a sense of self-loathing, so Mondays will forever herald the arrival of a brand new hecklerspray Celebrity Haiku Competition. At least until we get bored of it. Or until those of you who take this contest far too seriously begin stalking us, glistening kitchen knife in hand as you ramble on about syllables and syntax and how mummy kept you locked in the cupboard between the ages of seven and nine.

Until that day, let the slightly pointless fun continue.

This week we're looking at pop starlet Joss Stone and her new job as a chocolate saleswoman. Before that, though, let's take a sneaky peek at last week's winner...