Celebrity fights - HecklerSpray

Barroom Rumble Charges Dropped For Josh Brolin

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Josh Brolin – everyone’s newest favourite star of movies that people don’t actually watch – has plenty of cause to celebrate.

Why? Because he’s not going to jail. Not that Josh Brolin was ever going to go to jail in the first place or anything, but it might have been a possibility after he was arrested and charged with interfering with a police officer during a barroom brawl in Louisiana last summer.

But now prosecutors have dropped the charges against Josh Brolin, so this entire story is basically pointless. Josh Brolin didn’t do something and he won’t be punished for it. Hooray.

Lindsay Lohan & Sam Ronson Split! Probably! Unless They Don’t!

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Probably our favourite thing about Lindsay Lohan is that even her soulmates find her utterly intolerable and borderline repellent.

Just ask Sam Ronson. Reports are emerging suggesting that Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson have split up after a series of arguments and frenzied punch-attacks on New Year’s Day.

Whether Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson really have split up remains to be seen, but we hope so. That’d mean that Lindsay Lohan has now exhausted her supply of both men and women, and we’d be keen to see who she tries to have sex with next. Our guess? A bookish owl.

Nobody Charged For The Vinnie Jones Destructo-Rampage

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Vinnie Jones was glassed in the face at the most inopportune time – he was just about the to start the Merchant Ivory phase of his career.

But now that he’s had 48 stitches in his face, that’s all over. Now we’ll never have the pleasure of watching Vinnie Jones starring in would-be classics like Gimme A Room Wiv A Fackin View, ‘Owerd’s Bleedin’ Bellend and Hullabaloo Over Georgie and Bonnie’s Pictures? I’ll Give You A Hullabaloo Over Georgie and Bonnie’s Pictures Yer Filfy Nonce.

Anyway, nobody’s been charged for Vinnie Jones’ brawl. We could have said that to begin with, really.

Vinnie Jones Arrested For, Well, Being Vinnie Jones

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You may recognise Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut from X-Men 3 – but, whatever you do, you must never actually tell him that.

Seriously, don’t. There’s so much more to Vinnie Jones than being in an X-Men film, like being the mute thug in that John Travolta thriller from seven years ago, or being the ninth male lead in Eurotrip. Honestly, the man is an artist.

So don’t tell Vinnie Jones that you recognise him from X-Men because, if you do, he’ll beat you up until he gets arrested. Which seems to be more or less exactly what happened in South Dakota last week.

Can Someone Get Rosie O’Donnell To Shut Up About The View?

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

$Rosie O\'Donnell The View Barbara Walters fight$ There’s a saying in these parts: ‘You can take the lady out of The View, but you can’t stop her from screeching about it like a fat lunatic.’

And it’s true, too. Just the other week, Star Jones was screeching about The View like a fat lunatic and we don’t even know who she is. And now it’s the turn of Rosie O’Donnell to do the same, although helpfully since she acts like a fat lunatic most of the time anyway, it’s easier for her.

Rosie O’Donnell has been involved in a spat with the old Skeletor lady from The View because Rosie O’Donnell says everyone on The View hates each other and Skeletor lady says they don’t. But it’s much more interesting than that because… no, wait. It’s not more interesting than that. That’s literally as interesting as this gets. A fat lady has shouted at an old lady. As you were, everyone.

Brad Pitt Duffed Around By His Own Security

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Brad Pitt doesn’t have many requirements when choosing security – it’s nice if they’re physically intimidating and it helps if they know who Brad Pitt is.

Because if they don’t, there’s quite a big chance that something weird will happen. Something like the events of Monday night, in fact, when – at a preview of his new film The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button – Brad Pitt was grabbed and shoved around by a security guard who mistook him for a photographer.

Although manhandling the star you’ve been hired to protect at his own movie preview in a venue covered with several giant posters of his face might seem like the mother of all etiquette violations, we can’t really blame the security guard here. After all, Brad Pitt had grown a moustache for the preview, and therefore the guard probably thought he was being bumrushed by Private Walker out of Dad’s Army.

The X Factor Judges Are All Basically Children

October 10th, 2008 By Stuart Heritage

The live X Factor finals start tomorrow, which we’re giddy about because it means we get to watch the exact same thing every week until we want to die.

However, there’s just one little thing that could derail the entire show, and that’s that the X Factor judges are being great big babies. According to reports, X Factor judges Louis Walsh, Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole are all fighting because some of them don’t want to sit next to other judges and one of them has a slightly bigger dressing room than the rest.

What’s more, Cheryl Cole doesn’t like Louis Walsh because he’s got BO, and Louis Walsh doesn’t like Dannii Minogue because she keeps her lunch inside an ice cream tub instead of a real lunchbox like he does, and Dannii Minogue heard Carly Robinson from 7F tell her best friend’s cousin that Cheryl Cole had nits and was a lesbian IDST.

Stupid-Named Surfers Charged Over McConaughey Beach Thump

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Think carefully – what’s the most extreme reaction you’ve ever had towards Matthew McConaughey? A yawn? A twitch? An imperceptible shrug?

Not if you’re a surfer. Surfers see Matthew McConaughey as their hero, their dim mahogany idol. And if you mess with Matthew McConaughey you mess with the entire surfer community, as a group of paparazzi found out in June when the surfers rounded on them for taking pictures of McConaughey and shoved them around a bit.

Now two surfers have been charged for the McConaughey paparazzi flare-up. But that’s not important. What’s important are the names of the people involved in the scuffle, because they’re so stupid it’s impossible not to find the whole thing hilarious. Spoiler alert – one of them’s called Skylar.

Lily Allen Has A Ding-Dong With Elton John. Booze Involved

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Lily Allen and Elton John have a lot in common – for example, they both have funny hair and they’re both gay men.

But the thing that Lily Allen and Elton John share more than anything else is a love of a public scrap. Watch Lily or Elton for long enough and you’ll either see a) an extraordinary temper tantrum or b) nothing at all because Lily Allen’s punched your eyes off.

So it made perfect sense that, at last night’s GQ awards, the hosts were Lily Allen and Elton John. And things were going just peachy, at least until Lily Allen got hammered on free champagne and started effing and jeffing at Elton John, who then appeared to boast about how brilliant he was at drugs. Honestly, those two are just like Richard and Judy, only gayer and with one more nipple than you’d expect.

Lindsay Lohan Throws A Dad-Based Bloggy Strop Strop

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

We might be alone on this one, but does anyone else think that they picked the wrong members of the Lohan family for Living Lohan?

Seriously, there were loads to choose from and they picked Oblivious Mother Lohan, the teenage Lohan girl with a voice like a laryngitis-stricken pensioner and a little Lohan son so gaspingly anonymous that he might well be a silent figment of our imagination. Basically we’re just annoyed that Living Lohan stars neither Lindsay Lohan or her father Michael Lohan.

Why? Because Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan have had a spectacular falling out in public, with Lindsay going on her blog to call her dad a ‘bully’ and a ‘public embarrassment’. And Lindsay Lohan knows what she’s on about – she’s something of a global expert on being embarrassing in public.