Posts tagged as:

celebrity divorces

Travis Barker & Shanna Moakler Divorced – Remember Them?

by Stuart Heritage

Sad news, folks,Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are divorced.

Oh come on, you know who Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are – he used to be in Blink 182 and she, um, she’s Shanna Moakler. Anyway, even though Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler split up 18 months ago, they’ve only just got divorced. Still don’t really know who either of them are? No, us neither really. Let’s just pretend that we do, anyway. Ready?

Nope, still don’t care about them.

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Paul McCartney Divorcing Heather Mills Right Now

by Stuart Heritage

The warm-up has included accusations of violence, accusations of prostitution, accusations of infidelity and a set of dodgy naked photos that frankly freak us out every time we even mention them.

But now it’s time for the main event – at 10am today, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills started getting divorced.

The five-day High Court Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce is taking place behind closed doors so details will be scant, but we do know that Heather Mills is legally representing herself, so there’s a distinct chance that her entire case is going to revolve around shrieking the word ‘paedophile’ in a funny voice. Or red jelly penises.

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Cheryl Cole: Now There’s A Divorce Lawyer

by Stuart Heritage

You know how the other day Cheryl Cole left her cheating husband Ashley for a temporary period of time?

Well, it looks like Cheryl’s definition of ‘temporary’ might be ‘until the end of time itself’ because it’s emerged that she’s been having talks with a divorce lawyer, and stands to earn around £4 million if she does get divorced from Ashley Cole.

Four million quid. Factor in the thousands of ‘Cheryl’s heartbreak’ magazine deals she’ll sign and the new sad ghostwritten autobiography she’ll write, and it’s starting to look like letting her husband have all sorts of drunken vomit-sex with slappers was the best thing Cheryl Cole ever did.

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Amy Winehouse Slightly Screechy At Blake’s Court Date

by Stuart Heritage

Ask anyone what they'd least like to happen to them during a court appearance and 'Amy Winehouse turning up late with a weird haircut and loudly screeching her love' would figure pretty high. But that's what Blake Fielder-Civil had to deal with during a court date on Friday about his assault and perverting the course [...]

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Did Sienna Miller Bugger Up Sean Penn’s Marriage?

by Stuart Heritage

Now, being married to Sean Penn must be crap at the best of times – it’d be like living with an intense, chainsmoking tramp who won’t stop ranting away in the background about the war from morning until night.

But imagine if you’re married to Sean Penn and all of a sudden Sienna Miller starts openly flirting with him. Would you smash Sienna’s pointless little face in? Would you just be thankful that he’d stopped the war-ranting for a handful of joyous seconds? Or would you just divorce Sean Penn?

Sean Penn’s wife did the last one, apparently. Lazy bitch – she could have at least tried the first one while she was at it.

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Does Blake Want To Divorce Amy Winehouse?

by Stuart Heritage

To the naked eye, Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil are the perfect couple, in that while they’re together they can’t go round making slurring pikey babies with anyone else.

But there might be trouble in paradise – according to Amy Winehouse’s father, Blake has a habit of screaming things like “I want a divorce” at Amy Winehouse during arguments and now their marriage is dangerously on the rocks.

Let’s hope they’re just rumours, though, because watching Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil squabble for custody of a tatty trilby, a beehive wig that smells of gutters and enough drugs to down a herd of elephants would be quite traumatic for us.

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Pamela Anderson: Not As Infertile As Hoped

by hecklerspray staff

You gotta hand it to Pamela Anderson, folks.

Why, you ask? Because Pamela Anderson has an uncanny knack for being dysfunctional enough to keep herself in the media, but not enough to paint her face like a clown and die of drugs, or have to pee in a cup for a judge and get her kids taken away. She’s classy, alright.

And now she’s stepped it up a notch. Pamela Anderson is reportedly pregnant with her latest find of a pervert husband, Rick Solomon, which makes sense because daddy’s got to have an heir to his illustrious sex-tape fortune.

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Celebrity Divorce Betting Odds: Madonna, Jordan, Jolie & Winehouse

by Stuart Heritage

Ready for some more chances to make money from unhappy celebrities? Step right up.

We’re starting 2008 as we mean to go on, by crossing our fingers really hard and hoping that just about every celebrity couple in the land gets divorced and spends the rest of their lives wallowing about in abject near-suicidal misery just so we can make £12.50 from a lucky stab at a bet. And when we say ‘we’ we really mean ‘you’. It’s £12.50 that you didn’t have before, at least.

So here are the celebrity divorce betting odds for Jordan and Peter Andre, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Liz Hurley and Arun Nayar and Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil. Help, as ever, comes from Paddy Power…

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Celebrity Divorce Betting Odds: Cruise, Beckham & Aguilera

by Stuart Heritage

The start of a new year is a time to wipe the slate clean, to reflect on one’s past negativity and move on determined to right one’s wrongs imbued with a fresh sense of goodwill and radiant positivity.

And that’s why the very first hecklerspray post of 2008 is all about celebrity divorces. Not only that, but it’s a betting odds post, meaning that we’re effectively giving you the chance to make a crazy amount of money by exploiting the misery of others. Over the next couple of days we’re giving you the chance to bet on which celebrity couple will be the first to file for divorce in 2008. Bah, radiant positivity is overrated, anyway.

So here are the celebrity divorce betting odds for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Posh and Becks and Ashley and Cheryl Cole, with help from Paddy Power…

The start of a new year is a time to wipe the slate clean, to reflect on one's past negativity and move on determined to right one's wrongs imbued with a fresh sense of goodwill and radiant positivity. And that's why the very first hecklerspray post of 2008 is all about celebrity divorces. Not only that, but it's a betting odds post, meaning that we're effectively giving you the chance to make a crazy amount of money by exploiting the misery of others. Over the next couple of days we're giving you the chance to bet on which celebrity couple will be the first to file for divorce in 2008. Bah, radiant positivity is overrated, anyway. So here are the celebrity divorce betting odds for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman, Posh and Becks and Ashley and Cheryl Cole, with help from Paddy Power...
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David Hasselhoff Finally Sorts Out His Divorce

by Stuart Heritage

David Hasselhoff is no stranger to washing his dirty linen in public, but that’s probably because he made it dirty by either wetting himself or belching up globs of half-chewed hamburger down it.

And David Hasselhoff’s pretty swell at idiomatically washing his dirty linen in public, too – just look at the endless public squabbling between David Hasselhoff and his ex-wife Pamela Bach during and after their divorce. However, the good news is that Hasselhoff and Bach have finally reached a settlement about their post-divorce battle over their money and children. Great news for the Hasselhoff children – this settlement means they can now play their parents off each other for material gain instead of just standing around filming David Hasselhoff rolling around the floor gurgling and pushing clumps of fast food into the side of his head because that’s where he thinks his mouth is.

David Hasselhoff is no stranger to washing his dirty linen in public, but that's probably because he made it dirty by either wetting himself or belching up globs of half-chewed hamburger down it. And David Hasselhoff's pretty swell at idiomatically washing his dirty linen in public, too - just look at the endless public squabbling between David Hasselhoff and his ex-wife Pamela Bach during and after their divorce. However, the good news is that Hasselhoff and Bach have finally reached a settlement about their post-divorce battle over their money and children. Great news for the Hasselhoff children - this settlement means they can now play their parents off each other for material gain instead of just standing around filming David Hasselhoff rolling around the floor gurgling and pushing clumps of fast food into the side of his head because that's where he thinks his mouth is.
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