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celebrity divorces

Christie Brinkley Gets All Like ‘Boo Hoo Hoo’ Over Her Divorce

by Stuart Heritage

Christie Brinkley has got divorced so many times that you’d expect her to see them through with the grim dead-eyed precision of an abattoir worker taking out livestock.

Shows what we know, huh? In fact, Christie Brinkley has turned up at the courthouse on the first day of her divorce trial looking so weepy and emotionally frazzled that we were half expecting her to literally tear her own heart out of her chest as a graphic demonstration of what her cheating husband did to her.

Christie Brinkley was so upset, she says, because she really didn’t want her divorce to reach a courtroom. We can see her point – it must be galling to have to go through a painful experience like a divorce in public. Especially when, like Christie Brinkley, you’re the one who doggedly stipulated that the trial had to be conducted in public in the first place. We’re welling up just thinking about it.

Christie Brinkley has got divorced so many times that you'd expect her to see them through with the grim dead-eyed precision of an abattoir worker taking out livestock. Shows what we know, huh? In fact, Christie Brinkley has turned up at the courthouse on the first day of her divorce trial looking so weepy and emotionally frazzled that we were half expecting her to literally tear her own heart out of her chest as a graphic demonstration of what her cheating husband did to her. Christie Brinkley was so upset, she says, because she really didn't want her divorce to reach a courtroom. We can see her point - it must be galling to have to go through a painful experience like a divorce in public. Especially when, like Christie Brinkley, you're the one who doggedly stipulated that the trial had to be conducted in public in the first place. We're welling up just thinking about it.
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Is Madonna Whacking A-Rod’s Balls Out Of The Park?

by Stuart Heritage

Now that it’s semi-official that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are on the verge of a divorce, it’s time to find out why – and apparently ‘because he’s Guy Ritchie’ isn’t a valid answer.

One theory that’s currently doing the rounds is that Madonna has been getting closer and closer to New York Yankees baseball star Alex Rodriguez. So close, in fact, that Rodriguez apparently made a secret late-night visit to Madonna’s apartment almost immediately after his wife gave birth to their second child.

If these reports are true, then it looks like Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage is done for. Still, it’s not all bad. True, Guy Ritchie will be losing the love of his life and the mother of his son forever, but at least he won’t have a veiny middle-aged woman hanging around all the time yattering away in the world’s least convincing British accent with her vagina hanging out. Swings and roundabouts, really.

Now that it's semi-official that Madonna and Guy Ritchie are on the verge of a divorce, it's time to find out why - and apparently 'because he's Guy Ritchie' isn't a valid answer. One theory that's currently doing the rounds is that Madonna has been getting closer and closer to New York Yankees baseball star Alex Rodriguez. So close, in fact, that Rodriguez apparently made a secret late-night visit to Madonna's apartment almost immediately after his wife gave birth to their second child. If these reports are true, then it looks like Madonna and Guy Ritchie's marriage is done for. Still, it's not all bad. True, Guy Ritchie will be losing the love of his life and the mother of his son forever, but at least he won't have a veiny middle-aged woman hanging around all the time yattering away in the world's least convincing British accent with her vagina hanging out. Swings and roundabouts, really.
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Madonna & Guy Richie Divorcing? Pah, Says Old Lady

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone knows that Madonna and Guy Ritchie will get divorced soon, and also that Guy’s chasing the giant gap between Madonna’s teeth in the settlement, too.

But even though there’s recently been a Holocaust-style law passed surrounding the Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce – where you go to prison if you deny it – some people are still determined to cling onto the dream that Madonna and Guy are as together as together can be.

And one of those people is Guy Ritchie’s mother. She’s refusing to believe that there’s marital strife between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, and that talk of their impending divorce is a lot of ‘absurd poppycock’. ‘Absurd poppycock’ or ‘farking bollocks’ depending on whether she’s the parent responsible for Guy’s frightfully posh side or his inexplicably cockney side. We can’t be bothered to find out which she is.

Everyone knows that Madonna and Guy Ritchie will get divorced soon, and also that Guy's chasing the giant gap between Madonna's teeth in the settlement, too. But even though there's recently been a Holocaust-style law passed surrounding the Madonna and Guy Ritchie divorce - where you go to prison if you deny it - some people are still determined to cling onto the dream that Madonna and Guy are as together as together can be. And one of those people is Guy Ritchie's mother. She's refusing to believe that there's marital strife between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, and that talk of their impending divorce is a lot of 'absurd poppycock'. 'Absurd poppycock' or 'farking bollocks' depending on whether she's the parent responsible for Guy's frightfully posh side or his inexplicably cockney side. We can't be bothered to find out which she is.
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Madonna Consulting Divorce Lawyer Who Freed Paul McCartney From One-Legged Wife

by Shawn Lindseth

Madonna is like the wind blowing across a round Irish hill, gently carving a path through its tall waving grass.

She is like one thousand butterflies gracefully fluttering their wings as they fly around a dead tree that was felled by beavers like five years or something. She is like a tiger that can’t be tamed, like a peanut butter sandwich that can’t be eaten in less than two sittings.

Also, she is like an old woman who is tired of being married by some reports, and so is consulting the same divorce lawyer that helped Paul McCartney weave his way back to single-dom.

She is like a hecklerspray article that you simply must read more of…

More…

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Christie Brinkley Divorce: Send In The Unusually Young Other Woman

by Stuart Heritage

The Christie Brinkley divorce has been such a long time coming that we were starting to think there had been an amicable settlement or something equally horrific.

Thankfully, though, there hasn’t – and next week Christie Brinkley’s soon-to-be ex-husband Peter Cook will find out that revenge is a dish best served cold. In public. That gets as legally close to indelibly branding ‘I cheated on my wealthy former supermodel wife with a girl I met in a toystore’ across his big stupid head as possible.

And what’s more, the toystore girl in question – Diana Bianchi – is ready to truthfully testify if she’s called to the divorce court. But only if she’s called at certain times of the day – you won’t get a peep out of her if the testimony clashes with Teletubbies.

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Christie Brinkley Wants A Divorce For All The World To See

by Shawn Lindseth

Divorce is a painfully-personal process that often comes with embarrassment and shame. hecklerspray's been through it like 4 times. In the first one our wives got the house, in the second one they got the cat and in the third they took the children. The fourth time through it the wives got the first-wives' house, [...]

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Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee – Together At Last! Again. Again. Again.

by Ian Dransfield

Pamela Anderson seems to wish she could return to the past – to a time before hepatitis, miscarriage, divorce, Rick Salomon and definitely, definitely before Kid Rock. The whole world wants to return to that particular time. But the particular time she seems to want to return to is the one where a drummer from [...]

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Hogan Speaks Out On His Son, While His Wife Gets Off With a 19-Year-Old

by Ian Dransfield

This time last year Hulk Hogan was probably a very happy (and large) man. He had a wife, two kids, a huge house, a reality TV show, legions of adoring fans and an incredible moustache. Life was rosy for ol’ Terry, king of the Legdrop of Doom. Then his prat of a son went and [...]

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Shania Twain: The Inevitable Heartbroken Yelp

by Stuart Heritage

All break-ups must be difficult, but it probably stings a bit more if your ugly, almost-pensionable husband leaves you for a funny-looking Swiss lady.

Which is why Shania Twain is hurting so bad at the moment, because her 14-year marriage to Mutt Lange ended when he apparently started having it off with a woman who, to all intents and purposes, looks like a fire-damaged Sandra Bernhard bobblehead doll.

But if anyone can keep Shania Twain’s spirits up it’s her fans, all of whom Shania has sincerely thanked from the bottom of her heart in a message on her website. Don’t get too excited, though, because Shania Twain makes it perfectly that her heart has been broken into tiny pieces. So she’s thanking you from the bottom of something that doesn’t even work properly. What a massive bitch.

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Bill Murray’s Wife Files for Divorce from Bill Murray

by hecklerspray staff

It must be great to be married to a comedic actor.

You would always be rolling on the floor with laughter and your text messages would be constantly filled with zany LOLs and your knee would have a constant bruise from all that knee-slapping hilarity.

That is unless you’re Bill Murray’s wife, in which case you’d be rolling on the floor after being clocked by your drunk, drugged up husband and you’d have non-hilarity induced bruises. Or at least, those are some of the things Bill Murray’s wife is saying led to her filing for divorce from Bill Murray just now.

Now what do we learn here, ladies? We learn that marrying a man for his stunning good-looks does not make for a lasting relationship.

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