Articles tagged with: celebrity divorces
Chris Kattan & New Wife Apparently Decide 8 Weeks Is Long Enough
One of the shortest marriages we've ever heard of happened when our Uncle Tom married an entire litter of golden retrievers. Ends up the puppies were far too young to competently make a decision like that, and a judge ruled the ceremony invalid. With that, the puppies eagerly returned to their bachelorhood, and Uncle Tom got store credit from his internet priest. Another short marriage we've heard of was Uncle Tom and an iguana he called Kippie. That one didn't even make it through the cake cutting. As family lore has it - Tom was still rebounding from Patches, Bowser, Benji, Taffy & Mr. Cuddles. Another marriage that's very much in contention for the shortest ever title is Chris Kattan's. He strolled down the aisle just 8 weeks ago and already he and his wife are going their sexy, yet separate ways.
One of the shortest marriages we've ever heard of happened when our Uncle Tom married an entire litter of golden retrievers. Ends up the puppies were far too young to competently make a decision like that, and a judge ruled the ceremony invalid. With that, the puppies eagerly returned to their bachelorhood, and Uncle Tom got store credit from his internet priest. Another short marriage we've heard of was Uncle Tom and an iguana he called Kippie. That one didn't even make it through the cake cutting. As family lore has it - Tom was still rebounding from Patches, Bowser, Benji, Taffy & Mr. Cuddles. Another marriage that's very much in contention for the shortest ever title is Chris Kattan's. He strolled down the aisle just 8 weeks ago and already he and his wife are going their sexy, yet separate ways.
Donnie Wahlberg (You Know, The Less Attractive Wahlberg) Not Hanging So Tough with Marriage
Hey, there, New Kids on the block fan(s?)! Good news! Your favourite band member that isn’t Jordan or Joey or Jonathon or Danny is on the market again, and just in time for the NKOTB reunion tour. That’s right. Donnie Wahlberg is available now that he’s getting a divorce. Word is that he wants to be unfettered for the band’s reunion, which is totally smart because you never know when some chick is going to mistake you for your hot, drastically more successful younger brother. And you gotta be ready for that, man.
Hey, there, New Kids on the block fan(s?)! Good news! Your favourite band member that isn’t Jordan or Joey or Jonathon or Danny is on the market again, and just in time for the NKOTB reunion tour. That’s right. Donnie Wahlberg is available now that he’s getting a divorce. Word is that he wants to be unfettered for the band’s reunion, which is totally smart because you never know when some chick is going to mistake you for your hot, drastically more successful younger brother. And you gotta be ready for that, man.
A-Rod D-nates C-ash T-o M-dona C-rity. Madonna, That is. Not Maradona.
What's the last thing you want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce? If you said 'the last thing you would want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce would be to donate $500,000 to said high-profile person's charity' then you would be correct. You would also have used an overly wordy response. But you would be right, and we won't take that away from you. It would seem that this was yet another lesson in the world of today that Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez was never taught, seeing as he's only ruddy well gone and agreed to donate half a million dollars to Madonna's charity, Raising Malawi, while he's both rumoured to be more than friends with Madge and is part way through E-vorcing his wife. Which is costing him a lot of money. He could at least have waited a bit, the big, silly, baseball man.
What's the last thing you want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce? If you said 'the last thing you would want to do when you're publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce would be to donate $500,000 to said high-profile person's charity' then you would be correct. You would also have used an overly wordy response. But you would be right, and we won't take that away from you. It would seem that this was yet another lesson in the world of today that Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez was never taught, seeing as he's only ruddy well gone and agreed to donate half a million dollars to Madonna's charity, Raising Malawi, while he's both rumoured to be more than friends with Madge and is part way through E-vorcing his wife. Which is costing him a lot of money. He could at least have waited a bit, the big, silly, baseball man.
Morgan Freeman Gets More (More) Bad News
Morgan Freeman has been struck by the evil curse of The Dark Knight yet again. So we may have been a little sceptical about the whole 'curse' thing ever since the term started getting bandied around, but on this evidence it's hard not to think that maybe, just maybe there are nefarious forces at work. Just days after having a serious car accident, Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are to get a divorce. According to a friend of Freeman, the divorce had been in the works for a while before the accident even occurred - so don't go accusing Morgan of having a relationship with Demaris Meyer, the passenger in his car during the accident, that was anything beyond platonic friendship. We thought about it - purely for comedy effect, of course - but libel is too big a word.
Morgan Freeman has been struck by the evil curse of The Dark Knight yet again. So we may have been a little sceptical about the whole 'curse' thing ever since the term started getting bandied around, but on this evidence it's hard not to think that maybe, just maybe there are nefarious forces at work. Just days after having a serious car accident, Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are to get a divorce. According to a friend of Freeman, the divorce had been in the works for a while before the accident even occurred - so don't go accusing Morgan of having a relationship with Demaris Meyer, the passenger in his car during the accident, that was anything beyond platonic friendship. We thought about it - purely for comedy effect, of course - but libel is too big a word.
A-Rod’s E-Vorce From C-Rod Progressing in a Dull Fashion
Divorce is never a fun thing - a lot of us have experienced it either first hand or through parents. So it's a good thing that celebrity divorces are full of such fun and delights to keep us all entertained, helping us forget that the whole experience can be physically and mentally exhausting, as well as devastating on an emotional level. Thank Thor then, as it would seem that A-Rod's divorce is something of a trailblazer when it comes to this new breed of entertaining divorces, or e-vorces, as we're not really going to call them. And for once it's not all down to the involvement of Madonna.
Divorce is never a fun thing - a lot of us have experienced it either first hand or through parents. So it's a good thing that celebrity divorces are full of such fun and delights to keep us all entertained, helping us forget that the whole experience can be physically and mentally exhausting, as well as devastating on an emotional level. Thank Thor then, as it would seem that A-Rod's divorce is something of a trailblazer when it comes to this new breed of entertaining divorces, or e-vorces, as we're not really going to call them. And for once it's not all down to the involvement of Madonna.
A-Rod Divorce Now Includes Lots Of Stuff About Spies
Megastars, religion, brainwashing, oddly-placed swearwords - what else could Alex Rodriguez's divorce possibly be missing? Oh yeah, that's right - marital espionage. Luckily Alex Rodriguez's soon-to-be ex-wife Cynthia has cottoned onto this and decided to accuse Alex of having her followed and tapping her phone. If it's true and Alex Rodriguez has been spying on Cynthia's movements, it's a pretty low thing to do. Imagine if Cynthia secretly bugged Alex - he wouldn't like it very much, would he? Of course, it'd be easy for him to tell - if Cynthia was eavesdropping all the conversations between A-Rod and Madonna, then she'd have ended up being brainwashed into joining a spurious-looking religion as well. Foolproof.
Megastars, religion, brainwashing, oddly-placed swearwords - what else could Alex Rodriguez's divorce possibly be missing? Oh yeah, that's right - marital espionage. Luckily Alex Rodriguez's soon-to-be ex-wife Cynthia has cottoned onto this and decided to accuse Alex of having her followed and tapping her phone. If it's true and Alex Rodriguez has been spying on Cynthia's movements, it's a pretty low thing to do. Imagine if Cynthia secretly bugged Alex - he wouldn't like it very much, would he? Of course, it'd be easy for him to tell - if Cynthia was eavesdropping all the conversations between A-Rod and Madonna, then she'd have ended up being brainwashed into joining a spurious-looking religion as well. Foolproof.
Madonna Still Not Admitting Defeat About Her Hopeless Marriage
Ask anyone - anyone - to tell you a fact about Madonna and either they'll mention her grotty sex life or her much-rumoured divorce. OK, maybe not anyone. Ask Madonna and, while it's entirely possible she'll wheel out a hilarious bedroom anecdote, there's no way on Earth that she'll bring up her divorce. That's because, despite relentless gossip to the contrary, Madonna is still maintaining that she's not going to divorce Guy Ritchie. And that's fact. Madonna's brother, who hasn't really seen Madonna that much in almost a decade, said so. And facts don't get any more factier than that.
Ask anyone - anyone - to tell you a fact about Madonna and either they'll mention her grotty sex life or her much-rumoured divorce. OK, maybe not anyone. Ask Madonna and, while it's entirely possible she'll wheel out a hilarious bedroom anecdote, there's no way on Earth that she'll bring up her divorce. That's because, despite relentless gossip to the contrary, Madonna is still maintaining that she's not going to divorce Guy Ritchie. And that's fact. Madonna's brother, who hasn't really seen Madonna that much in almost a decade, said so. And facts don't get any more factier than that.
A-Rod: “Madonna’s My Effing Soulmate”
Face it, this interminable soap opera between Alex Rodriguez, Madonna and their respective spouses isn't going to end any time soon. Yesterday you might have thought that it was winding up, thanks to Madonna's firm denial of an 'affair of the heart' with Alex Rodriguez, but it's all been blown wide apart again. Alex Rodriguez, you see, has confessed his love for Madonna and called her his 'fucking soulmate'. OK, admittedly Alex Rodriguez did this months ago, but it's only just come to light. And you know what this means, don't you? It means that this is never going to end. Ever. Whatever you do for the rest of your natural life, you'll be getting it in the ear about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez. We can't help feeling that this is some form of sick cosmic punishment for a crime we don't remember - but we're sorry. Just make it stop.
Face it, this interminable soap opera between Alex Rodriguez, Madonna and their respective spouses isn't going to end any time soon. Yesterday you might have thought that it was winding up, thanks to Madonna's firm denial of an 'affair of the heart' with Alex Rodriguez, but it's all been blown wide apart again. Alex Rodriguez, you see, has confessed his love for Madonna and called her his 'fucking soulmate'. OK, admittedly Alex Rodriguez did this months ago, but it's only just come to light. And you know what this means, don't you? It means that this is never going to end. Ever. Whatever you do for the rest of your natural life, you'll be getting it in the ear about Madonna and Alex Rodriguez. We can't help feeling that this is some form of sick cosmic punishment for a crime we don't remember - but we're sorry. Just make it stop.
