Articles tagged with: celebrity divorces
Madonna Divorce: Giant Lawyer-Monsters Hired
So, to recap - Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced, and they'll be divorced by Christmas and everyone will be happy forever. All true. Apart from the bits about the divorce being over by Christmas and people experiencing any sensation other than bitterly violent hatred. Because, for all the talk of a brief and amicable divorce settlement process, both Madonna and Guy Ritchie have hired some kickass divorce lawyers. Madonna has hired Fiona Shackleton, the divorce lawyer who stopped Heather Mills from getting the huge settlement she wanted when she divorced Paul McCartney; with Guy Ritchie plumping for Lady Helen Ward, the woman responsible for securing Britain's largest-ever divorce payout for one of her clients. What does this mean? It means that the Madonna/ Guy Ritchie divorce is going to go on for so long that we'll all feel like killing ourselves soon. But you probably knew that already.
So, to recap - Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced, and they'll be divorced by Christmas and everyone will be happy forever. All true. Apart from the bits about the divorce being over by Christmas and people experiencing any sensation other than bitterly violent hatred. Because, for all the talk of a brief and amicable divorce settlement process, both Madonna and Guy Ritchie have hired some kickass divorce lawyers. Madonna has hired Fiona Shackleton, the divorce lawyer who stopped Heather Mills from getting the huge settlement she wanted when she divorced Paul McCartney; with Guy Ritchie plumping for Lady Helen Ward, the woman responsible for securing Britain's largest-ever divorce payout for one of her clients. What does this mean? It means that the Madonna/ Guy Ritchie divorce is going to go on for so long that we'll all feel like killing ourselves soon. But you probably knew that already.
Madonna/Guy Ritchie Divorce: And There’s Your Confirmation
Well that wasn't long - just hours after Madonna and Guy Ritchie were thought to be divorcing, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. Madonna's spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg has just issued the statement we've all been waiting for - the one that says Madonna and Guy Ritchie were living a hate-filled lie and that their Christmas present to one another this year will be that they both get to legally have sex with other people because, yes, they're getting divorced. Notice, though, that the divorce statement came from Madonna's spokeswoman as opposed to a joint statement from Guy Ritchie and Madonna together. Wow. We're starting to get the feeling that those two might not actually get along.
Well that wasn't long - just hours after Madonna and Guy Ritchie were thought to be divorcing, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are divorcing. Madonna's spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg has just issued the statement we've all been waiting for - the one that says Madonna and Guy Ritchie were living a hate-filled lie and that their Christmas present to one another this year will be that they both get to legally have sex with other people because, yes, they're getting divorced. Notice, though, that the divorce statement came from Madonna's spokeswoman as opposed to a joint statement from Guy Ritchie and Madonna together. Wow. We're starting to get the feeling that those two might not actually get along.
Madonna & Guy Ritchie: Divorced By Christmas
Everyone loves photos of Madonna and Guy Ritchie clutching each other's hands in a grimly unconvincing demonstration of love, don't they. So make the most of them while you can, because you might not see any more of them. According to reports, Madonna and Guy Ritchie now hate each other so much that they only communicate through staff, and they're both keen on getting a divorce finalised by Christmas. This really is a win-win - if they're not getting divorced, we get to look at more photos of Guy Ritchie and Madonna in public trying to pretend that they like one another. And if they are getting divorced? Well, that means the rest of us have a shot at the gnarly-clawed single mother and the potato-faced idiot that have just come onto the market. Everyone's happy.
Everyone loves photos of Madonna and Guy Ritchie clutching each other's hands in a grimly unconvincing demonstration of love, don't they. So make the most of them while you can, because you might not see any more of them. According to reports, Madonna and Guy Ritchie now hate each other so much that they only communicate through staff, and they're both keen on getting a divorce finalised by Christmas. This really is a win-win - if they're not getting divorced, we get to look at more photos of Guy Ritchie and Madonna in public trying to pretend that they like one another. And if they are getting divorced? Well, that means the rest of us have a shot at the gnarly-clawed single mother and the potato-faced idiot that have just come onto the market. Everyone's happy.
Christie Brinkley & Peter Cook: No, They Still Haven’t Shut Up
Despite all the endless boneheaded kerfuffle over it, Peter Cook's big 20/20 interview about Christie Brinkley hasn't actually been broadcast yet. The interview is to be broadcast tonight - a fact which has got Christie Brinkley into a flap. Christie Brinkley has tried to take a restraining order out against Peter Cook because he's due to have their children this weekend, and she's worried that he'll spend that entire weekend showing them his interview. But a judge has rejected the restraining order, partly because Peter Cook plans to take the children on a trip this weekend. But what Christie Brinkley doesn't know is that the trip is to the television department of an electrical goods store, where the children will see their father explaining what a cold-hearted witch their mother is on 50 giant HDTV screens at once, and all in crystal-clear surround sound. Eat that, Uptown Girl!
Despite all the endless boneheaded kerfuffle over it, Peter Cook's big 20/20 interview about Christie Brinkley hasn't actually been broadcast yet. The interview is to be broadcast tonight - a fact which has got Christie Brinkley into a flap. Christie Brinkley has tried to take a restraining order out against Peter Cook because he's due to have their children this weekend, and she's worried that he'll spend that entire weekend showing them his interview. But a judge has rejected the restraining order, partly because Peter Cook plans to take the children on a trip this weekend. But what Christie Brinkley doesn't know is that the trip is to the television department of an electrical goods store, where the children will see their father explaining what a cold-hearted witch their mother is on 50 giant HDTV screens at once, and all in crystal-clear surround sound. Eat that, Uptown Girl!
Christie Brinkley: The Utterly Redundant Peter Cook Comeback
Imagine your ex-husband was on TV doing a wobbly-voiced interview about how his affair with an 18-year-old wasn't his fault. Imagining that? Congratulations, you're now Christie Brinkley. And now, Christie Brinkley, given that your ex-husband Peter Cook has just shown himself to be an egomanical attention-div of the highest order by writhing around in the gutter in front of the world like this, what's the absolute last thing you should probably do? That's right - dive into the gutter with him. But that's what Christie Brinkley has just done. Christie's released a statement that further slags off Peter Cook, even though it's basically just another reminder for her daughter that her parents are no longer capable of rational thought. The poor girl's already called Sailor, for Christ's sake. How much more do you want her to resent you?
Imagine your ex-husband was on TV doing a wobbly-voiced interview about how his affair with an 18-year-old wasn't his fault. Imagining that? Congratulations, you're now Christie Brinkley. And now, Christie Brinkley, given that your ex-husband Peter Cook has just shown himself to be an egomanical attention-div of the highest order by writhing around in the gutter in front of the world like this, what's the absolute last thing you should probably do? That's right - dive into the gutter with him. But that's what Christie Brinkley has just done. Christie's released a statement that further slags off Peter Cook, even though it's basically just another reminder for her daughter that her parents are no longer capable of rational thought. The poor girl's already called Sailor, for Christ's sake. How much more do you want her to resent you?
Peter Cook Blames Christie Brinkley For Him Shagging That Girl
This just in - Peter Cook is a legend. An absolute dyed-in-the-wool cast iron legend that every man on Earth should regard as a hero. Why? Because even though Peter Cook's supermodel wife Christie Brinkley recently divorced him after he a) had it off with a teenager he met in a toystore and b) started spending $3,000 a month on internet pornography, Peter Cook says that the divorce was absolutely not his fault at all. Better still, Peter Cook blames the divorce squarely on Christie Brinkley, because she didn't thank him for being him as much as he wanted. Peter Cook said all this in an interview with Barbara Walters in an effort to stop him being branded as a "scumbag pervert." And we're pretty sure he's got his wish - we believe the term is "egomaniac scumbag pervert dimwit" now.
This just in - Peter Cook is a legend. An absolute dyed-in-the-wool cast iron legend that every man on Earth should regard as a hero. Why? Because even though Peter Cook's supermodel wife Christie Brinkley recently divorced him after he a) had it off with a teenager he met in a toystore and b) started spending $3,000 a month on internet pornography, Peter Cook says that the divorce was absolutely not his fault at all. Better still, Peter Cook blames the divorce squarely on Christie Brinkley, because she didn't thank him for being him as much as he wanted. Peter Cook said all this in an interview with Barbara Walters in an effort to stop him being branded as a "scumbag pervert." And we're pretty sure he's got his wish - we believe the term is "egomaniac scumbag pervert dimwit" now.
Dennis Quaid Wants Meg Ryan To Shut Her Stinking Piehole
Hey everyone, super hot news in from eight poxy years ago - Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan, like, totally hate each other! You might have already been under the impression that Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan didn't especially get on, what their bitter divorce eight years ago and all, but they don't get on. In fact, so incessant is the bickering between Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan that we're starting to remember why we stopped letting either of them be famous for so long. We'll go into this latest spat of bickering between Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid in a moment, but for those of you in a hurry it can best be summed up by Meg Ryan going "ner ner-ner ner ner ner," in public and then Dennis Quaid being all like "Oh why I oughta..." about it. Hopefully that's cleared it all up for you.
Hey everyone, super hot news in from eight poxy years ago - Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan, like, totally hate each other! You might have already been under the impression that Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan didn't especially get on, what their bitter divorce eight years ago and all, but they don't get on. In fact, so incessant is the bickering between Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan that we're starting to remember why we stopped letting either of them be famous for so long. We'll go into this latest spat of bickering between Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid in a moment, but for those of you in a hurry it can best be summed up by Meg Ryan going "ner ner-ner ner ner ner," in public and then Dennis Quaid being all like "Oh why I oughta..." about it. Hopefully that's cleared it all up for you.
A-Rod Settles His Divorce, Which Is No Fun At All
Hands up who wanted the Alex Rodriguez dissolve into pointless messy public accusations and talk of sordid sex with Madonna - oh, right, you all did. Well tough luck, because Alex Rodriguez doesn't care about what you want at all. In fact, Alex Rodriguez hates you so much that rather than drag the divorce from his estranged with Cynthia out for months and months of hateful squabbling, he's decided to quickly and privately reach a confidential settlement with her instead. The great big tosspot. Still, at least now that Alex Rodriguez is properly divorced he's free to chase after his soulmate Madonna. Or, if Madonna still hasn't left Guy Ritchie yet, the nearest alternative - the wizened old lady who lives near him and sits on the park bench playing with herself all day. Go hit that, A-Rod.
Hands up who wanted the Alex Rodriguez dissolve into pointless messy public accusations and talk of sordid sex with Madonna - oh, right, you all did. Well tough luck, because Alex Rodriguez doesn't care about what you want at all. In fact, Alex Rodriguez hates you so much that rather than drag the divorce from his estranged with Cynthia out for months and months of hateful squabbling, he's decided to quickly and privately reach a confidential settlement with her instead. The great big tosspot. Still, at least now that Alex Rodriguez is properly divorced he's free to chase after his soulmate Madonna. Or, if Madonna still hasn't left Guy Ritchie yet, the nearest alternative - the wizened old lady who lives near him and sits on the park bench playing with herself all day. Go hit that, A-Rod.
