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celebrity divorces

Christie Brinkley & Peter Cook: No, They Still Haven’t Shut Up

by Stuart Heritage

Despite all the endless boneheaded kerfuffle over it, Peter Cook’s big 20/20 interview about Christie Brinkley hasn’t actually been broadcast yet.

The interview is to be broadcast tonight – a fact which has got Christie Brinkley into a flap. Christie Brinkley has tried to take a restraining order out against Peter Cook because he’s due to have their children this weekend, and she’s worried that he’ll spend that entire weekend showing them his interview.

But a judge has rejected the restraining order, partly because Peter Cook plans to take the children on a trip this weekend. But what Christie Brinkley doesn’t know is that the trip is to the television department of an electrical goods store, where the children will see their father explaining what a cold-hearted witch their mother is on 50 giant HDTV screens at once, and all in crystal-clear surround sound. Eat that, Uptown Girl!

Despite all the endless boneheaded kerfuffle over it, Peter Cook's big 20/20 interview about Christie Brinkley hasn't actually been broadcast yet. The interview is to be broadcast tonight - a fact which has got Christie Brinkley into a flap. Christie Brinkley has tried to take a restraining order out against Peter Cook because he's due to have their children this weekend, and she's worried that he'll spend that entire weekend showing them his interview. But a judge has rejected the restraining order, partly because Peter Cook plans to take the children on a trip this weekend. But what Christie Brinkley doesn't know is that the trip is to the television department of an electrical goods store, where the children will see their father explaining what a cold-hearted witch their mother is on 50 giant HDTV screens at once, and all in crystal-clear surround sound. Eat that, Uptown Girl!
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Christie Brinkley: The Utterly Redundant Peter Cook Comeback

by Stuart Heritage

Imagine your ex-husband was on TV doing a wobbly-voiced interview about how his affair with an 18-year-old wasn’t his fault.

Imagining that? Congratulations, you’re now Christie Brinkley. And now, Christie Brinkley, given that your ex-husband Peter Cook has just shown himself to be an egomanical attention-div of the highest order by writhing around in the gutter in front of the world like this, what’s the absolute last thing you should probably do?

That’s right – dive into the gutter with him. But that’s what Christie Brinkley has just done. Christie’s released a statement that further slags off Peter Cook, even though it’s basically just another reminder for her daughter that her parents are no longer capable of rational thought. The poor girl’s already called Sailor, for Christ’s sake. How much more do you want her to resent you?

Imagine your ex-husband was on TV doing a wobbly-voiced interview about how his affair with an 18-year-old wasn't his fault. Imagining that? Congratulations, you're now Christie Brinkley. And now, Christie Brinkley, given that your ex-husband Peter Cook has just shown himself to be an egomanical attention-div of the highest order by writhing around in the gutter in front of the world like this, what's the absolute last thing you should probably do? That's right - dive into the gutter with him. But that's what Christie Brinkley has just done. Christie's released a statement that further slags off Peter Cook, even though it's basically just another reminder for her daughter that her parents are no longer capable of rational thought. The poor girl's already called Sailor, for Christ's sake. How much more do you want her to resent you?
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Peter Cook Blames Christie Brinkley For Him Shagging That Girl

by Stuart Heritage

This just in – Peter Cook is a legend. An absolute dyed-in-the-wool cast iron legend that every man on Earth should regard as a hero.

Why? Because even though Peter Cook’s supermodel wife Christie Brinkley recently divorced him after he a) had it off with a teenager he met in a toystore and b) started spending $3,000 a month on internet pornography, Peter Cook says that the divorce was absolutely not his fault at all.

Better still, Peter Cook blames the divorce squarely on Christie Brinkley, because she didn’t thank him for being him as much as he wanted. Peter Cook said all this in an interview with Barbara Walters in an effort to stop him being branded as a “scumbag pervert.” And we’re pretty sure he’s got his wish – we believe the term is “egomaniac scumbag pervert dimwit” now.

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Dennis Quaid Wants Meg Ryan To Shut Her Stinking Piehole

by Stuart Heritage

Hey everyone, super hot news in from eight poxy years ago – Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan, like, totally hate each other!

You might have already been under the impression that Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan didn’t especially get on, what their bitter divorce eight years ago and all, but they don’t get on. In fact, so incessant is the bickering between Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan that we’re starting to remember why we stopped letting either of them be famous for so long.

We’ll go into this latest spat of bickering between Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid in a moment, but for those of you in a hurry it can best be summed up by Meg Ryan going “ner ner-ner ner ner ner,” in public and then Dennis Quaid being all like “Oh why I oughta…” about it. Hopefully that’s cleared it all up for you.

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A-Rod Settles His Divorce, Which Is No Fun At All

by Stuart Heritage

Hands up who wanted the Alex Rodriguez dissolve into pointless messy public accusations and talk of sordid sex with Madonna – oh, right, you all did.

Well tough luck, because Alex Rodriguez doesn’t care about what you want at all. In fact, Alex Rodriguez hates you so much that rather than drag the divorce from his estranged with Cynthia out for months and months of hateful squabbling, he’s decided to quickly and privately reach a confidential settlement with her instead. The great big tosspot.

Still, at least now that Alex Rodriguez is properly divorced he’s free to chase after his soulmate Madonna. Or, if Madonna still hasn’t left Guy Ritchie yet, the nearest alternative – the wizened old lady who lives near him and sits on the park bench playing with herself all day. Go hit that, A-Rod.

Hands up who wanted the Alex Rodriguez dissolve into pointless messy public accusations and talk of sordid sex with Madonna - oh, right, you all did. Well tough luck, because Alex Rodriguez doesn't care about what you want at all. In fact, Alex Rodriguez hates you so much that rather than drag the divorce from his estranged with Cynthia out for months and months of hateful squabbling, he's decided to quickly and privately reach a confidential settlement with her instead. The great big tosspot. Still, at least now that Alex Rodriguez is properly divorced he's free to chase after his soulmate Madonna. Or, if Madonna still hasn't left Guy Ritchie yet, the nearest alternative - the wizened old lady who lives near him and sits on the park bench playing with herself all day. Go hit that, A-Rod.
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Chris Kattan & New Wife Apparently Decide 8 Weeks Is Long Enough

by Shawn Lindseth

One of the shortest marriages we’ve ever heard of happened when our Uncle Tom married an entire litter of golden retrievers. Ends up the puppies were far too young to competently make a decision like that, and a judge ruled the ceremony invalid. With that, the puppies eagerly returned to their bachelorhood, and Uncle Tom [...]

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Donnie Wahlberg (You Know, The Less Attractive Wahlberg) Not Hanging So Tough with Marriage

by hecklerspray staff

Hey, there, New Kids on the block fan(s?)! Good news! Your favourite band member that isn’t Jordan or Joey or Jonathon or Danny is on the market again, and just in time for the NKOTB reunion tour. That’s right. Donnie Wahlberg is available now that he’s getting a divorce. Word is that he wants to [...]

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A-Rod D-nates C-ash T-o M-dona C-rity. Madonna, That is. Not Maradona.

by Ian Dransfield

What’s the last thing you want to do when you’re publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while at the same time dealing with a particularly expensive divorce? If you said ‘the last thing you would want to do when you’re publicly denying any kind of relationship with another high-profile person, while [...]

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Morgan Freeman Gets More (More) Bad News

by Ian Dransfield

Morgan Freeman has been struck by the evil curse of The Dark Knight yet again. So we may have been a little sceptical about the whole ‘curse’ thing ever since the term started getting bandied around, but on this evidence it’s hard not to think that maybe, just maybe there are nefarious forces at work. [...]

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A-Rod’s E-Vorce From C-Rod Progressing in a Dull Fashion

by Ian Dransfield

Divorce is never a fun thing – a lot of us have experienced it either first hand or through parents. So it’s a good thing that celebrity divorces are full of such fun and delights to keep us all entertained, helping us forget that the whole experience can be physically and mentally exhausting, as well [...]

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