The outfit made a clear definition of the shape of her breasts and bottom. One source who attended the gig told hecklerspray:

It was disgusting. I was standing there, wanting to have an innocent boogie to some of the finest pop-music this millennium has had to offer when, all of a sudden, 15-year-old Miley appears, looking beautiful and slightly sexually arousing, and now I feel like a paedophile. This has got to stop. This would never have happened if Al-Qaeda were in control; either get the girl a hijab and let me boogie in unaroused peace, or burn her.

A week has now passed since Miley momentarily interrupted the earth’s orbit by getting her filthy underage back out for Annie Leibovitz’s camera.

The world didn’t know what to do with itself. It asked questions like ‘is this pornography?’ and ‘how could a Disney sweetheart be such a slut?’ and ‘what is the point in living anymore?’

The reason the world asked such questions is because it is an incredibly stupid place, which God will soon have his merry way with.

Pornography is defined as ‘sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal ‘ and as we can all see, the primary purpose of those photos was to get the idiots of the world barking about Miley’s integrity until she became the biggest celebrity in the world.

Hats off.

Come on world, we’re living in a day and age when people like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan are the most idolised figures on you. The youth of today wants to be like these people. And how did Paris, Britney and Lindsay get there? By acting like sluts. If you’re offended by it then stop bloody paying them attention!

Miley said to the crowd last night:

I hope you had an awesome time. I saw a sign back there that said, ‘Miley, I’m praying for you.’ I could not be more appreciative. Thank you guys for all your support. Without you, none of this would be possible. I love everyone of you and I could not be more appreciative. God bless you.

Dear God,

Please look down kindly upon Miley Cyrus. We’re all terribly worried for her, despite the fact she’s the most successful 15-year-old in the world and, rather than praying for you to help the far more urgent state of our intelligence, we’d like to ask you to make sure that Miley continues in her battle to take over the world, at least until her inevitable horrific decline.

Amen.

Read More – Miley Thanks Fans For Support – People

Thank God for that. We can once again look at Miley Cyrus without feeling like the spirit of Josef Fritzl has entered into our souls.

Now all we need do is wait a few months until her sixteenth birthday and, abracadabra, we can gawp at her naked tweeny flesh without society judging us as perverts. God bless the American legal-system and its confused morals!

Oh, sweet Cyrus, it’s all cosy now. You’re America’s golden child and the whole country has got your back. But soon you’ll want your freedom; you’ll want to go out to clubs and meet male people who’ll want to introduce you to Mr Winky!

You’ll probably find that you’re naturally inclined to like Mr Winky too, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, Miley, but you will be ashamed – because you’re the Disney girl.

Disney girls don’t do sex, they get impregnated by swirling kisses, their babies delivered to them by stalks, and as the DUIs and the rehab visits steadily increase as you fail to deal with the forever blossoming fact that nobody lives happily ever after in this horrible world, we’ll still be here, gawping at you and gawping at you, safe in the knowledge that your resultant disintegrating, achey-breaky heart was exactly what we were after.

That’s one potential future at least.

In the new pictures, she is standing fully-clothed in between Mickey and Minnie Mouse, all three of them with post-coitus-ish smiles stretched across their face.

We are not suggesting for one moment that Mickey, Minnie and Miley had a Disneyfied three-way – why would you even think that? The style of their smile is merely a coincidence. Not that we wouldn’t wish it upon Mickey – God knows he must be bored after a centuries worth of fucking that particular squeaky dullard. We bet he dreams of Minnie taking part in an Annie Leibovitz photoshoot!

God damn it Minnie! Rip that soccer-mom dress off, open up your spindly-kegs, show Mickey the rat of the mouse and finally give him something worthwhile to write home to Pluto about.

There were rumours that Disney wanted to cease all links with Miley after she showed her back breasts to the world, but they’re pretty much ended now with this photo-shoot, along with her upcoming performance at the Walt Disney World Resort in Orlando on Saturday.

Stay tuned for all the latest Miley Cyrus news, coming to you from a world called hecklerspray.

Read more – Miley Cyrus back in squeaky-clean mode after topless shoot – Telegraph

However, there is another solution to the question. You see, Katie Price has two names. We’d like to point out that she’s not schizophrenic and doesn’t pick between Jordan and Kate Price depending on if its warm enough to strap on a bikini.

In the early days (aka – the nineties) when she had the body for it, Jordon would get her boobies out for men’s magazines across the land. But they weren’t just any set of knockers. They were mega melons! As big as your head and the weight of seven small puppies.

Then Jordan grew up. Married a dire popstar and wanted people to call her by her real name to be taken more seriously. This approach has landed her a film role. And no, it’s not porn related!

For a glamour model, we do oddly enough believe that Katie Price is one of the only tit-baring ladies that grace the papers to have made a proper career.

Most married men and all women know that eventually, plump and well-rounded breasts don’t last forever. Eventually, things go south, saggy and really horrible to look at. After having more surgery on her tits then Michael Jackson has had on his wonky face, she is apparently happy with them after cracking out a few stupidly-named children.

But what’s a girl to do when your career path is over? After handing the baton over to apparently sexy females such as Megan Fox, she did what any other self-respecting fame-grabbing person would do: Sell out big style and not stop until the whole world knows about you.

We know everything about her and sodden Peter Andre’s spicy sex love secrets and her endless shock stories about her struggle with motherhood. God bless the trashy world of women’s magazine literature.

Despite having a car crash reality TV show which shows us the wacky goings on of the family, this isn’t enough for Katie Price. Like an out-of-control monster, she wants to gobble up as much as she can and become the biggest media whore known to man.

She’s kind of done that in the UK and has now set her beady eyes to Hollywood: The home of botox, shattered dreams and never ending sense of guilt.

According to a deluded source:

“It’s a very good time to be British in Hollywood and you can’t fail to notice Jordan.”

That’s quote couldn’t be more true. Not only does Jordon resemble the middle colour in a set of traffic lights, but her ample chest may also help. It’s an unwritten rule of the world that the bigger the boob, the better opportunity get.

It’s just a shame the producers haven’t seen her appearance on I’m A Celebrity or tried to get their eyes round some of her books.

Still they want her to take part in the making of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark and play a vampire. Quite an odd roll to star as for your first Hollywood job, but it will suit Katie Price. She is quite good at sucking the life out of any opportunity.

Read More – Katie Price ‘to star in vampire movie’ – Digital Spy

As we all know, there are only two things that perpetuate the spinning of the earth on its axis these days – celebrities and naked girls.

They are everywhere, constantly vying for our attention. It’s a daily clash of the titans; one day naked girls will get a unanimous victory, only for celebrities to get their sweet revenge soon after, leaving a bloody pool of tits, ass and ego all over the streets in their wake.

The only time peace can be found is when the two of them merge their awesome powers together, creating that all powerful attention-grabbing freak of nature that is: the naked-girl-celebrity.

The bigger the celebrity the better, and the more naked the better, so this time we’d like to whole-heartedly thank Britney Spears for offering us her celebrity, and semi-thank her the nakedness she merged with it.

As part of Britney’s ongoing comeback, she has returned to the gym in an effort to return her body to the former glories that once made her famous, so that the next time she strides knickerless out of a car door, it will be more like the way a million boys had once dreamt it, and not the bald, playdough fun-killing-factory it turned out to be in reality.

So, if anyone wants to compare their bikini bodies to or knock one off in the name of naked-girl-celebrity, then follow the link below to see pictures taken by some paparazzi fella who was stalking her on the beach.

See Pics Here

Read More – Britney Spears Bodacious Body, Back Taxes – Gossip Girls

The outrageous harlot has dared to declare that the musical talent of our Paris Hilton and our Lindsay Lohan is not quite her cup of tea.

How dare she? Just who does she think she is? Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have a put a lot of good, honest, hard-work into getting where they are today, yet where is the respect? Do you think those cocks suck themselves?

No, of course they don’t. If they did humanity would have become extinct a long, long time ago.

It takes a good deal of effort to say ‘ah’ for that amount of time and with that amount of people. There are literally girlfriends out there, all over the world right now (possibly even reading this), who wouldn’t even say ‘ah’ to their own boyfriends for much more than a minute each week.

Sometimes less.

It is because of this abhorrent crime to humanity that Scarlett can say what she damn well wants, but the fact remains that Paris and Lindsay are a rare breed indeed, and hecklerspray will continue to salute these pioneers in all of their artistic ventures, futile as they may be.

(In order for you to believe what we’ve just said, it is strongly advised that you don’t click on the following links. Not this one, nor this one.)

Scarlett told Spin Magazine:

I have no relationship with either Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton, even as far as my lifestyle or the music I listen to. They probably made music that fits with their lifestyle – ‘Wouldn’t it be great if I were dancing to my own song in the club?’ My album is more suited to my lifestyle. I live a very low-key life.

Yeah, you better hope you do, Johansson, or else you’ll be joining 50 Cent on hecklerspray’s hit-list.

One difference between our girls and Scarlett though, is that Scarlett (who is soon to release ‘Anywhere I Lay My Head’ – a Tom Waits cover album – making her little more than jumped up karaoke singer) has received at least one rave review about her musical ability from someone, albeit that someone being Jessica Simpson – someone who wouldn’t know good music if she was grinding her for-hire-arse up against it – who told Esquire magazine:

I really respect her, and I think she’s an unbelievable talent at a young age. And she is unbelievably beautiful. Plus, she gets to work with the best of the best.

Is she really that unbelievable? Granted, her boobs are unfathomable, but do any of you really find that watching Scarlett Johansson act makes you question your whole belief system regarding the upper-limits of human talent?

What Jessica actually offers is a nice, but essentially trite, and ultimately invalid, appraisal. You’re gonna have to come up with better than the child-talk of Jessica Simpson, Johansson, to pull hecklerspray away from the lure of reporting Paris and Lindsay’s day to day activities.

If you want to receive our support, then it’s time to do what any self respecting female artist would do: Toss your artistic integrity into the abyss and open wide.

All else is a perversion. Madonna’ll back us up.

Read More – Scarlett Johansson slams the Dlist girls – M&C

The news has no doubt brought a tear to the eye of a million lonely lads who, if Dina is to be believed, will have to make do with what Lindsay has put out for their consumption already – as if that wasn’t enough.

But who cares about those wankers? Spare a thought for the producers of the film: you jerk-offs have only lost out on another chance to be titillated – the producers have lost the entire plot to their film!

According to Access Hollywood, their reporter Billy Brush received an e-mail from Dina Lohan simply saying:

“No, she is not.”

So, that may all but end the chuff-shot speculation, but try and take a positive spin on things here, guys. For example, she hasn’t yet confirmed or denied that Lindsay is actually going to star in this film, just as she hasn’t confirmed or denied that Lindsay’s breasts may make an appearance, meaning it is still possible that you’ll get to see her boobies on a giant cinema screen!

It’s about as common a sight these days as the back of your hand, but still, boobs is boobs, and Lindsay’s bare mammaries are a sight that even Mumma Lohan is a fan of. Though not so much her Dad, of course, the poor bastard. Let us have a minute’s silence for that broken man.

There. We hope he felt that. Michael, you’re forever in hecklerspray’s thoughts.

Read More – Mom Dismisses Lohan Film Nudity Reports – NBC

That’s right, according to MTV UK, Lindsay Lohan is going to take all of her clothes off. She is going to get completely naked – can you imagine that??

Of course you can. Everybody can. At just the mention of her name your mind’s eye was no doubt engulfed with images of her inflated bosoms hovering around you.

She might as well just put her tits on NASDAQ. The shares would surely rocket faster than her movie career has, or her music career , for that matter.

Her list of sex-related shenanigans stretches further than her labia does during a knickerless stride out of a car door. Recently, we’ve had the sex tape rumours, less recently we had the Marylin Monroe effigies, and a whole host of other tit-related articles.

One magazine claims she will pocket $75,000 for the role in the new film – the character being a sex-mad waitress. Fair play to her we suppose – she's sticking to what she knows.

According to parallel universe theory, the world we live in is just one alongside an infinite number of other worlds. And there are no doubt worlds much fairer and kinder than our one, where she probably actually ended up a sex-mad waitress, a billion times over, and each of them a more successful attempt at a career than this one.

Read More – Lindsay Lohan Strips For Film – MTV UK 

Alright, maybe pure evil is a bit of an overstatement – it's not like they're responsible for more than maybe five or six global atrocities – but you can't deny that Dolly Parton's breasts are a right old couple of bastards. 

Why? Because Dolly Parton's boobs are so big that they've knackered her back and forced her to cancel an entire tour. Where are we supposed to get our fix of ancient, massive-boobed, rootin'-tootin' country and western music now? Keith Urban?

Ever since Whitney Houston rerecorded her song I Will Always Love You, Dolly Parton hasn't had to do anything, apart from directing the 16 money trucks that visit her house every day to the giant abandoned quarry she uses as a royalty landfill. Sure, Dolly Parton gets out now and again to see what Rotherham looks like or to hear Jessica Simpson massacre one of her songs, but mainly she doesn't do a whole lot these days.

However, Dolly Parton is an artist, and from time to time a fire is lit beneath her to create brand new country music and travel around America playing it to the crosseyed and toothless truckers who'll appreciate it most. But as much as Dolly Parton would like to go on tour, there are a couple of things trying to hold her back.

Her boobs.

As well as the songs and the big hair and the semi-successful movie career and the theme-park, Dolly Parton is probably best known for having breasts like two lead-filled dinosaur eggs. While the obvious upside to Dolly Parton's titanic knockers is that creepy weirdos still think "Woar, Dolly Parton!" even though she's now 62 years old, the downside is that the epic gravitational pull of her boobs have twisted Dolly Parton's spine into something that looks like a question mark drawn by a horse with a paintbrush in its mouth.

And that means that Dolly Parton's tour is off, as Reuters reports:

Dolly Parton's breasts may be two of the wonders of the entertainment world, but the country music icon says they are a pain in her back. Parton, 62, said on Monday she would postpone her upcoming North American tour after doctors told her to take it easy for six to eight weeks to rest her sore back. "Hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems," the folksy singer-songwriter said in a statement.

It's a double shame, because Dolly Parton's tour was to help promote Backwoods Barbie, her first new proper country album for 17 years. But it isn't all bad, because the tour should be back on the road in a couple of months. And then we'll get to hear Dolly Parton debut her new songs like Ow My Back, Breasty But Hump-Backed and the poignant tear-jerker You Stupid Tits, I Oughta Chop You Off.

Read more:

Dolly Parton postpones tour, blames breasts – Reuters