celebrity baby - HecklerSpray

Gwen Stefani is Never Going to Have the Girl She Wanted

January 18th, 2014 By Krysta Fitzpatrick

hottie

Gwen Stefani is hands down one of the girliest chicks in music. She loves clothes, make up, shoes, you know, all that stuff that Kristen Stewart doesn’t like. But like the majorly feminine and fashionable Victoria Beckham before her, Gwen seems to only be popping out boys.

A few years ago, Victoria finally popped out a girl and all was well in the world. She finally had someone to hand down all her shoes, clothes, and accessories to. When Gwen Stefani got preggo for the third time, everyone thought this would be the chance to have a little girl, but today we found out that Gwen will probably never get that little girl since the kid growing in her womb totally has a penis.

Rebecca Romijn Squirts Out A Couple Of Baby Twins

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It only seems like yesterday that we all rubbed our eyes in disbelief because Rebecca Romijn had let Jerry O’Connell have sex with her.

And now the fruits of their disgusting union have emerged. Rebecca Romijn has given birth to twin baby girls with names – Dolly Rebecca Rose and Charlie Tamara Tulip – that make them sound like high-powered corporate fairytale legal practices.

So our sincerest congratulations to Rebecca Romijn, Jerry O’Connell and their new sprogs. Although points have been deducted for the way it’s made us imagine what Jerry O’Connell’s sweaty sex face looks like. Really, there was no need for that.

Ricky Martin Shows Off His Twins. His Actual Twins

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As the only man in history to ever father a child, Ricky Martin is in demand at the moment to explain what it’s like.

Although they were born in the summer, Ricky Martin has decided to show off his baby twins Valentino and Matteo for the first time in People, while describing exactly how spiritual he feels when they smile or cry or poo or whatever.

Ricky Martin is raising the twins alone as a single father, so they obviously won’t be breastfed. Not because Ricky is a man and therefore can’t lactate, but because his nipples are probably already manky and chewed up and stuff.

Breastfeeding Gives Angelina Jolie The Hump

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As a new mother, Angelina Jolie is being run ragged. Between hiring nannies and personal trainers and other staff to take care of everything, she must hardly get a moment to herself.

And Angelina Jolie was a busy woman to begin with anyway – deliberately enraging Jennifer Aniston can be a full-time job, you know – so rather than keep juggling everything until she keeled over exhausted, Angelina Jolie has chosen to make a few sacrifices.

In short, Angelina Jolie has decided to stop breastfeeding her two new twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline because giving milk to two babies at once is apparently incredibly hard. We should point out that Angelina Jolie isn’t a bad mother for not breastfeeding her kids – in fact, we think they’ll grow up just fine on their new diet of Mountain Dew and uncooked beef cartilage. It certainly never did us any harm.

Lisa Marie Presley Has Two Babies At Once, The Greedy Mare

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Remember ages ago when everyone was all like “Hey, Lisa Marie Presley is really fat” and Lisa Marie Presley was all like “Hey, I’m only stuffing food into my mouth quicker than I can swallow it because I’m pregnant”?

Yeah, we do too. It seems like it happened ages ago, didn’t it? But it only took place a few months ago, because Lisa Marie Presley has only just given birth to the adorable little babies who were prenatally forcing her to gorge on whatever food happened to be closest to her.

According to reports, Lisa Marie Presley gave birth to a pair of twin girls last Tuesday. However, since no names have been revealed yet – or any details other than the ones we’ve just given you, in fact – we’re not convinced. Until we see photographic evidence of these twins, we’re just going to assume that Lisa Marie Presley just did a couple of really, really big poos. It’s hereditary, we hear.

Angelina Jolie Gets Covered In Tattoos For Her Twins

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Angelina Jolie has physically changed since the birth of her twins, and not just because now you could easily drive a tractor up her birth canal.

No. Instead, Angelina Jolie has decided to change by getting two more tattoos etched onto her left arm to commemorate the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. According to reports, the tattoos come in the form of map coordinates explaining exactly where the twins were born.

They’re not the only coordinate tattoos Angelina Jolie has – in fact, she’s a long-time proponent of them. Angelina Jolie’s arm also bears the coordinates of the birthplace of Maddox, the birthplace of Zahara, the birthplace of Shiloh Nouvel, the birthplace of Pax Thien and the exact location of where Angelina Jolie decided to steal Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston forever.

Stop Everything Now: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie Return To USA

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hey, everyone! Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have arrived in America for the first time since the birth of their twins!

This is very important news, and we’ll tell you why soon. Anyway, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie arrived in New York for the first time since the birth of their last children so that Angelina can promote her new movie The Changeling.

We said we’d tell you why it was so important that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were returning to America, didn’t we? Well, alright, we will – it’s important because, um, well, Brad Pitt is, um… and Angelina sort of… no. We’ve got nothing. Literally nothing. Maybe they left the gas on or something. We genuinely couldn’t care less.

Brad Pitt Briefly Mentions Twins, Everyone Literally Goes Mental

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Brad Pitt should be busy promoting his new movie, but he’s not because he said four words that sent the entire world into a giant dribbly tizzy.

“The twins are fine.” That’s it. That’s what Brad Pitt said. The four most important words ever spoken by a human being. “The twins are fine.” Thank god, Brad Pitt has finally grown enough balls to publicly admit that the twins – while not ecstatically happy with their lives – are at least free of any major diseases, abnormal growths or traces of profound clinical depression.

That’s provided that Brad Pitt was talking about his two newborn baby twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, of course. He might have been discussing The Proclaimers. We honestly can’t be bothered to check.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Have Some Kids, Release Some Pictures: World Explodes

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

In the ongoing saga of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie ‘having some twins’, you would probably think the ridiculous media hysteria couldn’t get much worse.

Well, you’re wrong. Because they’ve finally gone and released pictures of the A-list couple’s bundle of gametes – though fortunately there doesn’t seem to be a Bono in sight. That would be too much.

Popping up on Hello! and People over the weekend, the images show… some famous people with their newborn kids. Seriously – what did you expect? Hecklerspray hoped the photos would include explosions, a car chase et al, but those hopes were well and truly dashed on their release. Typical.

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie To Inflict Bono On Twins From Birth

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

If you had to pick any celebrity to be your godfather, who would it be? Chances are right now you’re thinking “Honestly, anyone but Bono.”

Bono would be a terrible godfather. The worst. Imagine it. Instead of going to the zoo he’d take you for a day out to an audiovisual lecture on Third World tuberculosis. Imagine it. “What birthday present have you got me this year, Bono? Oh, a beehive for an African village? Another one? You shouldn’t have.”

But tell that to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – they’ve apparently asked Bono to be their newborn twins’ godfather. It might seem like a clever, worthy thing to do now, but heed this Brad Pitt – the day that little Knox Leon barges in prattling on about Burmese monks when you’re busy trying to complete Call Of Duty 4, there’ll be nobody to blame but yourself.