Nicole Kidman Thwumps Out Her Semi-Cowboy Baby

This is a joyous day, a momentous occasion that will change the world forever - it's the day when Nicole Kidman can stop whining about not having any babies.

That's right, Nicole Kidman has given birth to her baby, a little girl she's inexplicably decided to call Sunday Rose. Nicole Kidman's new daughter was born in Nashville yesterday morning, and other than that details are vague - for instance, we don't know if Sunday Rose takes after her mother and has ginger hair and an immobile face, or her father and is an alcoholic.

Best of all, we're almost completely certain that this report is 100% accurate and not an Angelina Jolie-style hoax because, well, who cares about Nicole Kidman enough to make up lies about her?

Janet Jackson Demands Babies Instantly

Janet Jackson's job basically involves muttering about how sexy she is to nobody in particular in a vaguely constipated way, which must get boring.

So thank heavens that Janet Jackson has finally got broody - she wants a baby so badly that it's all she can do not to dress up as a nurse and snatch one from a maternity ward somewhere.

That's according to Janet's boyfriend Jermaine Dupri, anyway. He says that Janet is so desperate for babies that they're going to try for one the instant she finishes her upcoming tour. But why wait? if Janet Jackson wants a baby that badly she should throw caution to the wind and just cancel her shows. The fans won't mind - if they're Janet Jackson fans they'll have grown used to the crushing feeling of disappointment anyway.

Britney Spears’ Family Gathers To Watch Baby Smoothly Slide Out Of Sister When hecklerspray's sister had a kid we thought that although it was still a beautiful thing, it was a bit different because she gave birth out of her mouth. She thought it was food poisoning - then suddenly 'plop,' there's junior puked up in the toilet bowl. Lucky for everyone involved she recognized him as a baby in desperate-need of nurturing before she reached for the silver lever. It was a wonderful day we'll not soon forget. Britney Spears is about to have the exact same experience. She's flown home to Louisiana to be with Jamie Lynn while she exorcises a baby from the general area of her ovum.

Creased or Folded? hecklerspray Tells You the Way it is The first is cool; the second is just a plain old fool. Folded: Take the personality test! (are you extraverted, introverted, insane? Find out here! Takes a while to do though – oh, and at least one of us turned up with the same Jung personality as Abraham Lincoln) Barry Norman Pickled Onions (yep, that’s right, the Barry Norman. ...

Tori Spelling Copies Alba, Has Child It's not uncommon to see a celebrity that has suffered a downturn in their career take 'inspiration' from another, more popular personality to get their life back on track. But this has to be the worst case of copycat behaviour we've ever seen. Tori Spelling, of Beverly Hills 90210 and... errm... some shit reality TV show fame, has gone and got herself one of those baby things in what experts are calling 'clearly a rip off of Jessica Alba'. The brazen attempt to hoard some publicity is sure to backfire as members of the public lash out at Tori and her derivative behaviour.

Little Girl Pulled Screaming Out Of Jessica Alba’s Naughty Bits A little girl has been coaxed out of Jessica Alba’s vagina in what scientists are referring to as a ‘birth’. According to the scientists, who have conducted ‘research’, Jessica Alba had sex with her husband, Cash Warren, approximately nine months ago and, as far as hecklerspray can deduce, this is somehow linked to the emergence of the little girl. They have decided to name the little girl Honor Marie Warren. Giving the girl a tag such as this will help to identify her when there are two or more little girls in the same room and in later life people can call out this name in order to get the girl's attention. Pretty smart when you think about it. Saves a lot of faffing.

Jack Black Has Another Baby, Nobody Cares Since Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman are getting ready to shoot babies out of their nethers, appetite for celebrity babies has never been higher. Unless you're Jack Black, of course. If you're Jack Black then nobody really gives much of a hoot about how many children you've got. For instance, it's all over the news at the moment that Jack Black and his wife Tanya have had their second baby. How do they know? Were hordes of paparazzi camped outside the maternity wards of every hospital in LA? Had midwives been secretly bribed by celebrity magazines to reveal confidential secrets? No. Jack Black had to tell them that they had the baby 'about a week ago' during a premiere. Still, the lack of interest in his baby shouldn't detract from the photo deal he's just signed - £3.50 for a half-page spread near the back of What Horsebox magazine.

Clay Aiken Impregnates 50 Year Old Woman Who’s Really Been Asking For It Gay community – red rover red rover send Clay Aiken on over! Because a woman is currently pregnant with his child. That’s right, we said a woman is currently pregnant with Clay Aiken’s baby – a female woman too, not the cheap kind with the snap-on lady parts. Not only did he render a woman with-child using nothing but the powers of his magic mind, but it’s some 50-year-old woman too – one who mathematically speaking should have been barren at least 20 years ago. But why isn’t she barren? We don’t know – but we assume it has something to do with her rubbing stereo speakers all over her woo-woo while Measure of a Man plays on repeat in the cassette player. And we want you all to know we’re serious about that too – Africa’s population is currently booming for that same Aiken woo-woo rubbing reason - it really works!