Articles tagged with: celebrity babies
Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner In ‘Fairly Decent Baby Name’ Shock
Keep this to yourself, but we're starting to get a tiny bit worried about Ben Affleck - specifically his arseholeishness. Ben Affleck's arseholeishness has been proven in his film choices, his J-Lo relationship and his fondness for schoolboy deodorant commercials. But lately there's been less arseholeishness - first he directed a film that wasn't horrible, and now he's given his new daughter a non-horrible name. Ben Affleck's new daughter is called Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. An only slightly weird name followed by two normal alternatives? We pray that Jennifer Garner chose the name - a reality where Ben Affleck isn't an arsehole is too horrible to consider.
Keep this to yourself, but we're starting to get a tiny bit worried about Ben Affleck - specifically his arseholeishness. Ben Affleck's arseholeishness has been proven in his film choices, his J-Lo relationship and his fondness for schoolboy deodorant commercials. But lately there's been less arseholeishness - first he directed a film that wasn't horrible, and now he's given his new daughter a non-horrible name. Ben Affleck's new daughter is called Seraphina Rose Elizabeth Affleck. An only slightly weird name followed by two normal alternatives? We pray that Jennifer Garner chose the name - a reality where Ben Affleck isn't an arsehole is too horrible to consider.
Charlotte Church Has Spawned Again, Just So You Know
Charlotte Church - whom many of you will recognise as a woman who used to be famous - has every reason to celebrate today. She's just had a baby. According to reports, Charlotte Church and her boyfriend Gavin Henson have just welcomed their second child, a baby boy, into the world. Although the baby hasn't been named yet, reports are suggesting that he's just like Charlotte Church. Apparently he screams a lot, often seems bewildered, constantly grasps at anything that comes close to him and has a sense of humour that seems to primarily revolve around pooing uncontrollably into his own underwear.
Charlotte Church - whom many of you will recognise as a woman who used to be famous - has every reason to celebrate today. She's just had a baby. According to reports, Charlotte Church and her boyfriend Gavin Henson have just welcomed their second child, a baby boy, into the world. Although the baby hasn't been named yet, reports are suggesting that he's just like Charlotte Church. Apparently he screams a lot, often seems bewildered, constantly grasps at anything that comes close to him and has a sense of humour that seems to primarily revolve around pooing uncontrollably into his own underwear.
OK Lisa Bonet, You Win The Stupidest Baby Name Contest
Shiloh Nouvel, Bluebell Madonna, Bronx Mowgli, Dolly Rebecca Rose - you are now, and will always be, failures. Why? Because there's a very good chance you'll be able to spell or pronounce your names by the time you're 35. That's not a luxury afforded to the brand-new child of former Cosby Show star Lisa Bonet, though, because Lisa Bonet has decided to give her baby son the worst name of any human being ever. Ready? Lisa Bonet has called her son Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. Again, that's Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. We believe it's Native American for That Kid Who Everyone Beats Up.
Shiloh Nouvel, Bluebell Madonna, Bronx Mowgli, Dolly Rebecca Rose - you are now, and will always be, failures. Why? Because there's a very good chance you'll be able to spell or pronounce your names by the time you're 35. That's not a luxury afforded to the brand-new child of former Cosby Show star Lisa Bonet, though, because Lisa Bonet has decided to give her baby son the worst name of any human being ever. Ready? Lisa Bonet has called her son Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. Again, that's Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. We believe it's Native American for That Kid Who Everyone Beats Up.
Jennifer Garner Finally Has That Baby Of Hers
It's been a week since Jennifer Garner went to hospital to give birth to Ben Affleck's baby - so what was the hold up? We're pretty sure that it was one of the following two scenarios: 1) Jennifer Garner's baby refused to come out until it was promised a helicopter and a suitcase of money, and an FBI negotiator had to talk it down to a scooter and a shiny penny, or 2) Jennifer Garner's baby realised that Ben Affleck was its father and decided to stick it out in the womb. Either way, Jennifer Garner had a baby girl yesterday. So there.
It's been a week since Jennifer Garner went to hospital to give birth to Ben Affleck's baby - so what was the hold up? We're pretty sure that it was one of the following two scenarios: 1) Jennifer Garner's baby refused to come out until it was promised a helicopter and a suitcase of money, and an FBI negotiator had to talk it down to a scooter and a shiny penny, or 2) Jennifer Garner's baby realised that Ben Affleck was its father and decided to stick it out in the womb. Either way, Jennifer Garner had a baby girl yesterday. So there.
Jennifer Garner Probably Has A Baby Or Something
Jennifer Garner has more reason than most to celebrate 2009 - and not just because it's a year potentially free of Gary Busey's pervy spittle. No, apparently Jennifer Garner is having a baby. Or she's had a baby. Or she's about to have a baby. Nobody really seems to know. Jennifer Garner checked into a hospital on New Year's Eve with Ben Affleck, and she's darned if she's not coming out without a baby. So congratulations to Jennifer Garner. And double congratulations if the baby ends up more like you than Ben Affleck. And triple congratulations if he's not the father. Happy new year!
Jennifer Garner has more reason than most to celebrate 2009 - and not just because it's a year potentially free of Gary Busey's pervy spittle. No, apparently Jennifer Garner is having a baby. Or she's had a baby. Or she's about to have a baby. Nobody really seems to know. Jennifer Garner checked into a hospital on New Year's Eve with Ben Affleck, and she's darned if she's not coming out without a baby. So congratulations to Jennifer Garner. And double congratulations if the baby ends up more like you than Ben Affleck. And triple congratulations if he's not the father. Happy new year!
Lance Armstrong Gets A Woman Pregnant, So Hooray For That
Stretching back to biblical times, Christmas has always been about screwball pregnancies - and it still is. Lance Armstrong, you see, has got his girlfriend pregnant. And since he's only got one testicle, that's impressive. It's just like that time God knocked up the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus, really, but better because God almost definitely hasn't had sex with Sheryl Crow or one of the Olsen Twins. So congratulations to Lance Armstrong and his girlfriend. Truly this is the greatest Christmas present of all. Or, more accurately, the greatest Christmas present that'll crap everywhere and grow up to resent everything you've done for it.
Stretching back to biblical times, Christmas has always been about screwball pregnancies - and it still is. Lance Armstrong, you see, has got his girlfriend pregnant. And since he's only got one testicle, that's impressive. It's just like that time God knocked up the Virgin Mary with baby Jesus, really, but better because God almost definitely hasn't had sex with Sheryl Crow or one of the Olsen Twins. So congratulations to Lance Armstrong and his girlfriend. Truly this is the greatest Christmas present of all. Or, more accurately, the greatest Christmas present that'll crap everywhere and grow up to resent everything you've done for it.
Pete Wentz Isn’t Selling Photos Of His Stupidly-Named Tot, OK?
Everyone wants to see Bronx Mowgli Wentz - because if the face matches the name then that's one ugly baby. But cool your jets, world. Pete Wentz doesn't roll like those other celebrity idiots. True, he does roll like those other celebrity idiots in that he's got a stupid haircut, a humiliatingly-named baby and he married one of the Simpson girls without really thinking it through first, but Pete Wentz definitely isn't selling his baby photos to a magazine. Bronx Mowgli's just too precious for that. Plus it'll mean that now Pete'll make a crapload from selling the reality TV show rights. A crapload.
Everyone wants to see Bronx Mowgli Wentz - because if the face matches the name then that's one ugly baby. But cool your jets, world. Pete Wentz doesn't roll like those other celebrity idiots. True, he does roll like those other celebrity idiots in that he's got a stupid haircut, a humiliatingly-named baby and he married one of the Simpson girls without really thinking it through first, but Pete Wentz definitely isn't selling his baby photos to a magazine. Bronx Mowgli's just too precious for that. Plus it'll mean that now Pete'll make a crapload from selling the reality TV show rights. A crapload.
Gossip: Gossip Girl Girl Kelly Rutherford Is Pregnant
Nothing makes us happier than when a woman from a TV show we never watch announces that she's got a bun in the oven. So congratulations to Kelly Rutherford, who we're told is a) a star of Gossip Girl and b) pregnant. We're not experts on Gossip Girl or pregnancy, but we hear one involves backache, uncontrollable mood swings, a slack bladder, nausea and rabid constipation. The other one is pregnancy. This will be Kelly Rutherford's second child, following the birth of her... really, are you still actually reading this? Are people genuinely interested in Kelly Rutherfords's pregnancy? Weirdos.
Nothing makes us happier than when a woman from a TV show we never watch announces that she's got a bun in the oven. So congratulations to Kelly Rutherford, who we're told is a) a star of Gossip Girl and b) pregnant. We're not experts on Gossip Girl or pregnancy, but we hear one involves backache, uncontrollable mood swings, a slack bladder, nausea and rabid constipation. The other one is pregnancy. This will be Kelly Rutherford's second child, following the birth of her... really, are you still actually reading this? Are people genuinely interested in Kelly Rutherfords's pregnancy? Weirdos.
