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celebrity attack

Awesome Or Off-Putting: Popobawa, The Man-Raping Winged Monster

by Shawn Lindseth

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Popobawa is a creature not necessarily nailed down in terms of solid description. Some call him a ogre, some a ghost or a shape shifter. What is clear about the creature though, is that as recently as 2006 he’s been blamed for entering men’s homes and sodomizing them in their own beds. The madness went as far as men refusing to sleep at home for fear of being victimized by the winged monster.

Many believe the creature takes human form by day, and lives among the people. Others believe he’s just a lonely, horny gay monster accidentally unleashed on the public back in the seventies. Whatever he is, we have more on him right here.

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Popobawa is a creature not necessarily nailed down in terms of solid description. Some call him a ogre, some a ghost or a shape shifter. What is clear about the creature though, is that as recently as 2006 he's been blamed for entering men's homes and sodomizing them in their own beds. The madness went as far as men refusing to sleep at home for fear of being victimized by the winged monster. Many believe the creature takes human form by day, and lives among the people. Others believe he's just a lonely, horny gay monster accidentally unleashed on the public back in the seventies. Whatever he is, we have more on him right here.
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Howard Stern’s Fat Friend Wigs Out & Resigns On Air

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve always said that the problem with radio is that not enough fat people get violently angry and try to attack people on air.

So god bless Howard Stern’s tubby and slightly psychotic-seeming sidekick Artie Lange for having an honestly disturbing argument with his assistant, before apparently trying to attack him and then resigning, all live on air. It’s what we’ve wanted to happen to Chris Moyles for years. Hats off to you, Artie Lange, you crazy, crazy bastard.

And, yes, we’ve got the whole of Artie Lange’s berserkoid meltdown after the jump.

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Naomi Campbell Cautioned For Airport Cop-Spit Fury Attack

by Stuart Heritage

Naomi Campbell has escaped serious punishment for her spazzy airport tantrum last week, possibly because the police know that no prison’s puny metal bars can contain a force of nature that terrifying.

Instead, Naomi Campbell has walked away with nothing more than a caution – the slap on the wrist usually doled out to naughty schoolboys.

But a punishment is a punishment, and Naomi Campbell will no doubt learn some very important lessons on to become a better person from it. Or she’ll try and genetically bind her DNA with that of a dilophosaurus so that the next time she spits at a policemen her acidic saliva will melt his eyes and leave him vulnerable enough for her to slash open his belly with her ferocious talons. Which is probably more likely.

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Naomi Campbell Arrested For Giant Airport Strop-Attack

by Stuart Heritage

The Heathrow Terminal 5 situation is worse than we thought – it’s managed to make Naomi Campbell angry, and nothing makes Naomi Campbell angry.

Wait, sorry, that’s a typo. That last bit should have read ‘everything makes Naomi Campbell angry. Everything. Even buttercups and pictures of big-eyed bunny rabbits. Everything.’ Sorry.

So Naomi Campbell got angry at Heathrow airport. How angry? Arrested for attacking a policeman angry. That’s good anger but not great anger, Naomi, and we’re a little bit disappointed. Next time try kicking a wing off or hiding a bomb in your shoe or something.

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EastEnders Told Off For Rubbish Violent Gang Attack Episode

by Stuart Heritage

The thing that sets EastEnders apart from all the other British soaps is how gritty and realistic it is compared to everything else.

After all, anyone who’s ever been to the east end of London knows that every five or six weeks a gang of unconvincing, slightly-too-theatrical thugs burst into the local pub for no real reason and kick a pregnant woman over.

That exact thing happened on EastEnders not so long ago, and now Ofcom has criticised the episode. Not because of the unusual and irresponsible level of pre-watershed violence, though – but because it was honestly the single most rubbish thing to appear on television in the last 12 months, other than the failed BBC2 pilot Look! Adrian Chiles In A Bikini! And because of the violence too, actually. A bit.

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Christina Ricci Raped By A Monkey

by Paul Sorrenti

OK, the headline could be a tad misleading, as it’s questionable as to whether grabbing a boob without consent constitutes rape, or indeed whether a monkey has the faculties to be accused of such an act.

Be that as it may, it is an attention-grabbing headline that we’ve used to reel you in to a comparatively unsensational story. Let’s move on.

Christina Ricci, who was already a Maimouphobiac (scared of monkeys) was sexually assaulted on the set of her latest film Penelope by Chim Chim The Chimpanzee.

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Bjork Goes Bonkers In Another Airport

by Stuart Heritage

History exists to teach us one thing and one thing alone – you don’t talk to Bjork after she’s just got off a plane.

12 years after pounding a Thai news reporter in an airport just for having the temerity to welcome her to the country, it looks like Bjork is at it again. A photographer from New Zealand is claiming that Bjork attacked him after she landed at Auckland airport on Friday, destroying his T-shirt.

Subsequently, passengers have been advised to stay away from all airports during the year 2020 regardless, unless they’re carrying mace, a taser or some kind of pixie-battering truncheon.

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Sugababe Amelle Arrested For Beating Up A Car

by Stuart Heritage

It’d be an understatement to call Sugababes personality-free, but Amelle Berrabah is the exception – but sadly she’s got the personality of Phil Mitchell.

Amelle Berrabah was arrested late last week for apparently getting angry at her sister’s house and beating up a neighbour’s car. Although this is just the latest violent controversy to occur since Amelle joined Sugababes, she’s strenuously denying these allegations.

When pushed for comment, Amelle tilted her head towards the sky, roared “Hulk smash! Hulk SMAAASH!” and threw a Land Rover into the sun.

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Tippi Hedren’s Tiger Mauls A Man

by Stuart Heritage

As the star of The Birds, Tippi Hedren developed a profound understanding with all forms of wildlife – except for her tigers, which still go around indiscriminately mauling folk.

A tiger living the animal sanctuary owned by actress Tippi Hedren – who, along with The Birds, has also starred in The Birds II and one episode of Murder She Wrote – has attacked and mauled a caretaker who was cleaning out its enclosure, leaving him in a critical condition with multiple bite wounds. Speaking of the attack, Hedren said “What makes these animals so dangerous is for no reason at all this kind of accident can happen.”

Which is funny, because we always assumed that what made tigers so dangerous is the fact that they’re sodding tigers, you massive idiot.

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Diddy Not Charged For His Nightclub Man-Smack

by Stuart Heritage

Diddy is a man of refined taste and sophisticated needs in all walks of life, so when Diddy leathers a bloke in a nightclub while screaming “I’ll kill you, punk” it has to be an especially upmarket nightclub.

Also it helps if the bloke he leathers is so fiercely against pressing charges that he stops cooperating with police and changes his story about so often that the police have no option but to drop all charges against Diddy. Which, as luck would have it, has just happened. Although he was arrested last month for apparently punching a friend of his whose ex-girlfriend he’s currently dating, Diddy has escaped from the ensuing investigation scot free. Hooray – Diddy lives to impassively mumble over an insultingly obvious Sting sample for another day.

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