Articles tagged with: celebrity arrest
We always thought that Barenaked Ladies' 1998 hit One Week could only come from a diseased, drug-ravaged mind. And now we might have been proved correct. Steven Page, the guitarist and singer of twee, humourlessly chirpy Canadian folk-rock one-too-many hit wonders Barenaked Ladies has been arrested on suspicion of cocaine possession. That's right, kids, it looks like Barenaked Ladies are on drugs. Steven Page's arrest has put us in a thoroughly bad mood - we can't believe our heroes of the awful late-1990s acoustic radio pop scene are involved in drugs. Oh, say it hasn't spread! Promise us that Sugar Ray are still clean! Look us in the eye and swear that Lyte Funky Ones don't chase the dragon!
Nelson Mandela is probably the closest thing to a living saint we've got - he's so kindly and warm, like Santa Claus, the Werther's Original grandpa and Ronald McDonald all rolled into one.
Nelson Mandela has got nothing but pure undiluted joy for every single person in the whole wide world - or at least he would have, if Naomi Campbell wasn't such a massive angry bitch all the time.
There's a big concert being held in Hyde Park for Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday tomorrow, and Naomi Campbell was on call to introduce some of the acts. However, since her recent air rage conviction it's been reported that Nelson Mandela himself has personally intervened to remove Naomi Campbell from proceedings. Hopefully there's still time to replace Naomi with a friendlier celebrity - perhaps Amy Winehouse's husband or the ghost of Saparmurat Niyazov or something.
The early to mid-90s were an excellent time for that whole 'rap' thing. Yes there was still the glamourising of violence, the drugs, the objectification of women and the explicit language - but at least it didn't involve 50 Cent or P Diddy, or whatever in God's name he's called now. It was a safer time when white kids in the suburbs could dream of their gangsta heritage without fearing for how much 'bling' they were wearing, a time when people could look forward to a Tupac release that wasn't posthumous and one when Mr Warren G had released 'Regulate'. You know the song. Everyone does. It was on the soundtrack to 'Above the Rim', which wasn't as good as 'White Men Can't Jump'. It had Bernie Mac in it, so it really was never going to compete with the might of Wesley and Woody.
Amy Winehouse has done and got herself arrested. According to Sky News, the beehived-bandit spent last night in police custody on suspicion of the minor act of girl-assault and has been released this morning with a caution. Which basically means that her punishment (for headbutting one man who was reportedly trying to help her by hailing a taxi and punching another man in the face during an argument over a pool table) is that for the next five years she’ll have to tick the largely inconsequential ‘yes I got a caution’ box when travelling through customs. And as if that wasn’t punishment enough, it also all but ends her dreams of being accepted into the police force.
OK, we take back every single bad thing we ever said about Naomi Campbell - she's finally convinced us that she's a genius. We mean it. Naomi Campbell is a genius. Only a genius could do something as flat-out berserk as what Naomi Campbell's just done. Recently Naomi Campbell was banned from flying with British Airways for life for spitting on a policeman in the middle of a violent tantrum about luggage. So, naturally, Naomi Campbell has made a huge point of boycotting British Airways, even though it's already banned her. Seriously. Indiscriminate violence and a dangerously flawed mental process? We can't figure out why nobody's married a catch like that yet.
Yesterday Shia LaBeouf was a fugitive on the run from the law, like Harrison Ford in that film Working Girl.
Not today, though - today Shia LaBeouf has faced his crimes like a man, like Harrison Ford in that film The Fugitive. Well, not 'faced his crimes' exactly - Shia LaBeouf has pleaded not guilty to the awful accusation that he smoked on a pavement once.
But at least Shia LaBeouf actually got around to entering a plea this time - up until that point he had an arrest warrant on his head for not tuning up to court at all. It's a stern lesson to all that you can't run from the law, no matter how adorably boyish your iddle widdle puppy dumpling cheeks are.
It's a good job that Shia LaBeouf has a face so adorable that it looks as if it's been pieced together with moonbeams and kitten-fluff.
That's because Shia LaBeouf is just about the crummiest law-breaker that the world has ever seen. After his recent arrest for standing a pharmacy for too long, Shia LaBeouf has now got in trouble for smoking cigarettes as well.
Worse still, Shia LaBeouf now has an arrest warrant on his head after skipping his smoking-based court appearance, something which stands to jeopardise his next fiendishly evil ruse - scrumping apples from Old Man McGee's orchard to bake and sell a selection of delicious yet unlawful pies from his mother's drive.
Barron Hilton hasn't got a lot going for him - not only does he have the spazzy hair and pudgy face of a rejected Just William character, but he's also staring down the barrel of a vicious DUI charge.
Following his arrest last month, Paris Hilton's 18-year-old brother has been formally charged with DUI by the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and faces arraignment in April.
It just goes to show how quickly Barron Hilton is becoming his sister. Now that they've both been charged with DUI, Barron only has to be in a shitty reality TV show and wank a bloke off on the internet until he ends up with jizz all over his tits and Barron will have caught up with Paris Hilton completely.
