Celebrity Apprentice - HecklerSpray

Joan Rivers Is The New Facially Immobile Celebrity Apprentice

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

What is the one thing The Apprentice has taught us? That’s right, that emotion has no place in the business environment.

And that’s probably why Joan Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice last night – thanks to all the plastic surgery she’s had, the only emotion she can ever properly display is a kind of constant resigned shock. But let’s stick to the point here – Joan Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice last night.

So congratulations, Joan Rivers – you’re now officially as good as Piers Morgan. Please celebrate this fact in the appropriate way, by which we mean either sobbing relentlessly or haplessly attempting suicide.

New Celebrity Apprentice Season Continues To Defy Trade Description

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

You have to love Donald Trump – he has a ‘never say die’ that holds firm even in the face of something as persuasive as common sense.

That’s why Donald Trump is wheeling out another season of Celebrity Apprentice. And, boy, are there some names this year. None of them are famous, you understand, but they do have names.

Apparently the media were informed about the Celebrity Apprentice contestants back in October, but were sworn to secrecy until now. Presumably this was because they needed three and a half months to Google the contestants to see who any of them actually were.

Heather Mills Wants NBC Contractually Obligated To Let Her Win A Season Of The Apprentice

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

For as long as mankind has had any level of self-awareness, we’ve all enjoyed watching one-legged middle aged women flip, twirl, and rhythmically pounce all about.

That’s why even if it had aired ten thousand years ago, that Dancing With The Stars season wherein Heather Mills was featured would have scored real high in the Nielsen ratings. Think of the advertising rates cavemen would have been willing to pay!

Donald Trump, at least momentarily, thought it would be a pretty good idea to have Mills sitting in his Celebrity Apprentice boardroom. We don’t blame him – she’d scuff the carpet 50% less than anyone else, vastly elongating the life of whatever carpet is involved. That’s why Trump’s a millionaire – he thinks about the little things like that.

Ends up though that Mills isn’t welcome on that show. According to rumour, she demanded a contractual stipulation that said if she appeared on the show, she’d be guaranteed a spot in the finale.

Heather Mills To Be Celebrity Apprentice?

August 5th, 2012 By C J Davies

It's difficult to imagine what sort of corporate environment Heather Mills would flourish within – Widely Despised Monoped GoldDiggers Inc, perhaps, or Beatle Fleecers PLC.

That hasn't stopped suspiciously-haired zillionaire Donald Trump from name-dropping Ms. Mills in relation to the new series of US show The Celebrity Apprentice, however.

After the last batch of episodes featured such luminaries as Lennox Lewis, Piers Morgan, Gene Simmons and that bloke who was shot on a boat in The Sopranos, Trump has confirmed that several wannabes have been angling for a slot in the new run… and that the ex-Ms. McCartney was among them.

OJ Simpson Takes A Stab At Next Celebrity Apprentice

March 24th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

The only reality show we want to see Donald Trump star in is one where he and Rosie O’Donnell are trapped for a week in a commercial elevator together, with nothing but multiple wet, sticky lollipops covering their privies.

Also there’d be live sugar-craving geese in there with them – pecking away at unspecified things.

That show would be great indeed – and we’d watch it too. It’s a tragedy then, that it will never get made. Because in the next Celebrity Apprentice, D. Trump will come face to face with a murderer! We meant with an accused murderer! And might be killed himself! But probably not!

Keep in mind that nothing’s been finalised, but rumor has it that OJ Simpson wants him a slice of Apprentice.

Somebody re-word that last bit.

Celebrity Apprentice Missing Quite A Few Actual Celebrities

March 25th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

With the writers' strike still wiping out shows on a daily basis, television will soon rely completely on reality shows – and what's more realistic than a giant crazy-haired windbag jabbing his finger at people who are, at best, only semi-famous?

Basically, what we're saying is thank heavens for Celebrity Apprentice – the all-star version of the Donald Trump bellowing vehicle that's going to single-handedly save all of American television from imploding in on itself. Or at least that's what Celebrity Apprentice would do if, you know, it actually had any celebrities in it. The line-up for Celebrity Apprentice has been announced, and the two biggest names involved are Gene Simmons from obsolete rock band Kiss and Lennox Lewis from the RAC direct insurance adverts, with 12 other nonentities added to make up the numbers.

We hear the Celebrity Apprentice producers wanted to up the show's mean level of celebrity, but the old man who was in one episode of Casualty for three seconds with a broken finger in 1989 was too busy to take part.