Articles tagged with: Celebrities on drugs
Who Stole all of Pete Doherty’s Money?
The Sun has reported that official NME hero and tortured genius significantly lacking in genius and overcompensating in torturing, Peter Doherty, is running out of money and is in the process of assembling “a crack team of crimebusters to sniff out where (it) has gone". First of all, who knew The Sun could be so bloody, bloody funny? Crack team! Sniff! Brilliant. Daniel Kitson, Tony Law, Stewart Lee, John Hegley and Doug Stanhope combined couldn’t hope to come up with a single joke as original or brilliant.
The Sun has reported that official NME hero and tortured genius significantly lacking in genius and overcompensating in torturing, Peter Doherty, is running out of money and is in the process of assembling “a crack team of crimebusters to sniff out where (it) has gone". First of all, who knew The Sun could be so bloody, bloody funny? Crack team! Sniff! Brilliant. Daniel Kitson, Tony Law, Stewart Lee, John Hegley and Doug Stanhope combined couldn’t hope to come up with a single joke as original or brilliant.
Finally! Tatum O’Neal’s Dog Groomer Says Stuff
We’ve been wondering for days if Tatum O’Neal really did love her dog. Well, praise Jeebus, we have an answer!
We’ve been wondering for days if Tatum O’Neal really did love her dog. Well, praise Jeebus, we have an answer!
Tatum O’Neal’s dog groomer has come along to confirm that Tatum did, in fact, love her dog, and also to defend Tatum saying that her doggy’s death was the reason for her attempted cocaine buying escapades earlier this week.
This may seem like a bunch of stupid nonsense from one deluded twit about another deluded twit who used her dead dog as a deluded, twitty excuse to buy drugs, but it’s not.
We forget why, though…
Steve-O: ‘Cocaine? Guilty? Me? Why, Yes’
Steve-O might be stupid enough to staple his balls to his thigh night after night for fun and profit, but it turns out he's not that stupid. By which we mean that Steve-O is smart enough to plead guilty to cocaine possession after he filmed himself smashing up his neighbour's house on drugs and then blogged extensively about his battle to the same drugs. As a result of his guilty plea, it's been announced that Steve-O's only punishment for his March drug bust will be the rehab stint that he's already partially through. And now that he's clean, Steve-O knows that next time he staples his nuts to his leg it'll be out of genuine mental dysfunction or self-loathing rather than drug addiction. Three cheers!
Steve-O might be stupid enough to staple his balls to his thigh night after night for fun and profit, but it turns out he's not that stupid. By which we mean that Steve-O is smart enough to plead guilty to cocaine possession after he filmed himself smashing up his neighbour's house on drugs and then blogged extensively about his battle to the same drugs. As a result of his guilty plea, it's been announced that Steve-O's only punishment for his March drug bust will be the rehab stint that he's already partially through. And now that he's clean, Steve-O knows that next time he staples his nuts to his leg it'll be out of genuine mental dysfunction or self-loathing rather than drug addiction. Three cheers!
Tatum O’Neal: ‘Whew, Thank God They Arrested Me For Buying All That Crack’
If we'd just been arrested for buying a bunch of crack and powder cocaine, we'd be fairly grumpy about it - start the day without crack? We're not animals! However, Tatum O'Neal is positively thrilled that the police caught her buying crack in a sting operation. According to her it was apparently the first time she'd bought herself any crack after years of sobriety, and the arrest was like a rough, humiliating intervention from Jesus Christ himself. What's more, Tatum O'Neal says that she only turned to crack because her dog died. Seriously. Maybe this is where Amy Winehouse went so wrong - she'd have been an angelic little choirgirl if her guinea pig hadn't got the sniffles when she was six and a half.
If we'd just been arrested for buying a bunch of crack and powder cocaine, we'd be fairly grumpy about it - start the day without crack? We're not animals! However, Tatum O'Neal is positively thrilled that the police caught her buying crack in a sting operation. According to her it was apparently the first time she'd bought herself any crack after years of sobriety, and the arrest was like a rough, humiliating intervention from Jesus Christ himself. What's more, Tatum O'Neal says that she only turned to crack because her dog died. Seriously. Maybe this is where Amy Winehouse went so wrong - she'd have been an angelic little choirgirl if her guinea pig hadn't got the sniffles when she was six and a half.
Tatum O’Neal ‘Buys Crack’, Gets Nicked
Think of Tatum O'Neal and you'll probably think of the adorable 10-year-old who won an Oscar for singing Keep Your Sunny Side Up in Paper Moon. Unless you've happened to hear the news about Tatum O'Neal getting arrested for allegedly buying crack and powder cocaine in an NYPD sting yesterday, of course, in which case you probably see Tatum O'Neal as a hellish cross between Amy Winehouse and, well, Ryan O'Neal. Don't dwell on that for too long, by the way. It'll scar you. But, yes, Tatum O'Neal has been arrested for apparently buying crack. A former child star getting in trouble with drugs - honestly, wonders will never cease.
Think of Tatum O'Neal and you'll probably think of the adorable 10-year-old who won an Oscar for singing Keep Your Sunny Side Up in Paper Moon. Unless you've happened to hear the news about Tatum O'Neal getting arrested for allegedly buying crack and powder cocaine in an NYPD sting yesterday, of course, in which case you probably see Tatum O'Neal as a hellish cross between Amy Winehouse and, well, Ryan O'Neal. Don't dwell on that for too long, by the way. It'll scar you. But, yes, Tatum O'Neal has been arrested for apparently buying crack. A former child star getting in trouble with drugs - honestly, wonders will never cease.
Bill Murray’s Wife Files for Divorce from Bill Murray
It must be great to be married to a comedic actor.
You would always be rolling on the floor with laughter and your text messages would be constantly filled with zany LOLs and your knee would have a constant bruise from all that knee-slapping hilarity.
That is unless you’re Bill Murray’s wife, in which case you’d be rolling on the floor after being clocked by your drunk, drugged up husband and you’d have non-hilarity induced bruises. Or at least, those are some of the things Bill Murray’s wife is saying led to her filing for divorce from Bill Murray just now.
Now what do we learn here, ladies? We learn that marrying a man for his stunning good-looks does not make for a lasting relationship.
DMX Arrested Again, For Just About Everything
We know this is confusing, but sit tight and we'll try and explain - although DMX was arrested on Wednesday, he's now been arrested for something else entirely. Wednesday's arrest was for speeding, but his time DMX was arrested on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession after a SWAT team raided his house on Friday morning and found five pit bull puppies and half a pound of cannabis. So, to try and help east the confusion a little, we've come up with a little rhyme to help you keep track of DMX's arrests: If DMX was busted Wednesday last, he's been caught driving cars too fast; if DMX is busted on Friday morn, the partially-burnt carcasses of mistreated pets were found on his lawn. We're available for hire, you know.
We know this is confusing, but sit tight and we'll try and explain - although DMX was arrested on Wednesday, he's now been arrested for something else entirely. Wednesday's arrest was for speeding, but his time DMX was arrested on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession after a SWAT team raided his house on Friday morning and found five pit bull puppies and half a pound of cannabis. So, to try and help east the confusion a little, we've come up with a little rhyme to help you keep track of DMX's arrests: If DMX was busted Wednesday last, he's been caught driving cars too fast; if DMX is busted on Friday morn, the partially-burnt carcasses of mistreated pets were found on his lawn. We're available for hire, you know.
Amy Winehouse Arrested For That Crazy Crack Video
You might want to sit down for this - apparently Amy Winehouse has been known to occasionally take drugs. We know, we were shocked when we found out, too. But apparently it's true, because Amy Winehouse was last night arrested and bailed in connection with that secretly-filmed video of her appearing to smoke crack in her flat from earlier this year. There's a slim chance that Amy Winehouse could face jail after this arrest, which we'd actually be OK with. Hopefully her incarceration will be timed to coincide with the release of her husband Blake Fielder-Civil. That way Blake can start sleeping with a boy who looks like little Ben Mitchell from EastEnders while she's locked up, to see how she likes it. Revenge is sweet! And quite disturbing to think about!
You might want to sit down for this - apparently Amy Winehouse has been known to occasionally take drugs. We know, we were shocked when we found out, too. But apparently it's true, because Amy Winehouse was last night arrested and bailed in connection with that secretly-filmed video of her appearing to smoke crack in her flat from earlier this year. There's a slim chance that Amy Winehouse could face jail after this arrest, which we'd actually be OK with. Hopefully her incarceration will be timed to coincide with the release of her husband Blake Fielder-Civil. That way Blake can start sleeping with a boy who looks like little Ben Mitchell from EastEnders while she's locked up, to see how she likes it. Revenge is sweet! And quite disturbing to think about!
