Articles tagged with: Celebrities on drugs
Cops Take Over $1m Dollars From Several Unkempt Phish Fans
If you're a fan of Phish and you're reading this through reddened eyes, you probably went to their recent reunion concert. And if you went to the reunion concert, at some point you more than likely woke up in the trunk of a car next to a spare tire and several bloodied police batons. Had you your senses about you, you'd have noticed there were 193 other unconscious people crammed in there with you - all of them wearing rainbowy shirts. That's because local police really cracked down at the show - enough so to confiscate over $1,000,000 in illegal drugs, among other things.
If you're a fan of Phish and you're reading this through reddened eyes, you probably went to their recent reunion concert. And if you went to the reunion concert, at some point you more than likely woke up in the trunk of a car next to a spare tire and several bloodied police batons. Had you your senses about you, you'd have noticed there were 193 other unconscious people crammed in there with you - all of them wearing rainbowy shirts. That's because local police really cracked down at the show - enough so to confiscate over $1,000,000 in illegal drugs, among other things.
Here’s A Dead Dog On Drugs With David Mitchell’s Voice
Over the years the government has tried many ways to get young people to stop taking drugs, but none more effective than this. It's a dead dog with a sawn-open chest screaming at a man who's having a nosebleed in the voice of David Mitchell from Peep Show. Seriously, point us towards the nearest monastery. We'll be fine there. ...
Let’s All Guess What Amy Winehouse Is In Hospital For Now
They tried to make Amy Winehouse go to hospital, but she said - well actually she was fairly unresponsive, so they took her to hospital. That's right, it's time for another installment of our four-billion-part series 'Amy Winehouse Goes To Hospital For Something That's Probably Got Something To Do With Drugs.' In this edition, Amy Winehouse goes to hospital for something that's probably got something to do with drugs. Apparently Amy Winehouse was admitted to a clinic on Sunday after reacting badly to medication, and she's been kept there to undergo tests. Sadly, those tests include the 'Here's a picture of a fan, do you sincerely thank them for their support or punch them in the face?' test and the 'Is it better to look like a human being or a cave drawing of a rampaging lizardman?' test, so it looks like Amy will remain in hospital for the foreseeable.
They tried to make Amy Winehouse go to hospital, but she said - well actually she was fairly unresponsive, so they took her to hospital. That's right, it's time for another installment of our four-billion-part series 'Amy Winehouse Goes To Hospital For Something That's Probably Got Something To Do With Drugs.' In this edition, Amy Winehouse goes to hospital for something that's probably got something to do with drugs. Apparently Amy Winehouse was admitted to a clinic on Sunday after reacting badly to medication, and she's been kept there to undergo tests. Sadly, those tests include the 'Here's a picture of a fan, do you sincerely thank them for their support or punch them in the face?' test and the 'Is it better to look like a human being or a cave drawing of a rampaging lizardman?' test, so it looks like Amy will remain in hospital for the foreseeable.
Suge Knight Charged With Being Suge Knight, Essentially
Given that he's everywhere all the time at the moment, we're starting to think that Suge Knight is the gangsta Miley Cyrus. Not completely - the day that photos of Suge Knight rolling around in his knickers are leaked to the internet is the day we cut out our eyes and, to our knowledge, Miley Cyrus has never driven around in a car allegedly punching a woman in the head - but in terms of ubiquity, the comparison just about holds up. Just about. In fact, it's this whole 'allegedly punching women in the head while driving a car' thing that's brought Suge Knight to our attention again this time. Because now Suge Knight has been charged for the last time he supposedly beat up a women in a car. And since this time the charges also include a spot of beating up a woman in a car park with a knife in his hand, Suge Knight faces eight and a half years in jail. Oh well.
Given that he's everywhere all the time at the moment, we're starting to think that Suge Knight is the gangsta Miley Cyrus. Not completely - the day that photos of Suge Knight rolling around in his knickers are leaked to the internet is the day we cut out our eyes and, to our knowledge, Miley Cyrus has never driven around in a car allegedly punching a woman in the head - but in terms of ubiquity, the comparison just about holds up. Just about. In fact, it's this whole 'allegedly punching women in the head while driving a car' thing that's brought Suge Knight to our attention again this time. Because now Suge Knight has been charged for the last time he supposedly beat up a women in a car. And since this time the charges also include a spot of beating up a woman in a car park with a knife in his hand, Suge Knight faces eight and a half years in jail. Oh well.
Heather Locklear Charged With Driving All Berserk On Drugs
Heather Locklear must have been thrilled when she was arrested for DUI - at least it distracted everyone from all her horrible sitcoms. But now, possibly, Heather Locklear might just be starting to regret allegedly getting hammered on prescription medication and then parking her car in the middle of a state highway in floods of tears in September and then having a mugshot taken that makes her look a bit like a emotionally-sensitive panda being forced to watch the 2 Girls 1 Cup video. And that's because Heather Locklear has just been officially charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence of legally prescribed drugs. Who knew that Heather Locklear possibly had an addiction to prescription drugs? We'd have thought that her existing addictions - to making cacky TV shows and marrying idiots from crappy bands that only morons like - would have been enough for anyone.
Heather Locklear must have been thrilled when she was arrested for DUI - at least it distracted everyone from all her horrible sitcoms. But now, possibly, Heather Locklear might just be starting to regret allegedly getting hammered on prescription medication and then parking her car in the middle of a state highway in floods of tears in September and then having a mugshot taken that makes her look a bit like a emotionally-sensitive panda being forced to watch the 2 Girls 1 Cup video. And that's because Heather Locklear has just been officially charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence of legally prescribed drugs. Who knew that Heather Locklear possibly had an addiction to prescription drugs? We'd have thought that her existing addictions - to making cacky TV shows and marrying idiots from crappy bands that only morons like - would have been enough for anyone.
Drug-Smooshed Barenaked Ladies Chap Avoids Jail
It's obvious that the world would be a much safer place if all the members of Barenaked Ladies were detained in a high security jail for eternity. But that's not going to happen. None of the Barenaked Ladies - not the one who looks like Kevin Bacon, not the one who looks like a weather-damaged Backstreet Boy, not even the schlubby fat one who seems to have dipped his chin in dogmuck - are going to jail. And especially not Steven Page, even though it looked like he might for a while. After being arrested for cocaine possession back in July, Steven Page from Barenaked Ladies has been staring down a jail sentence. Yesterday, though, he avoided that fate - but only if he promises to go to rehab and stay clean for six months. Stupid courts, everyone knows that when you're letting a Barenaked Lady avoid jail, you're supposed to slip in a clause banning them from ever making any more bad music ever again. Idiots.
It's obvious that the world would be a much safer place if all the members of Barenaked Ladies were detained in a high security jail for eternity. But that's not going to happen. None of the Barenaked Ladies - not the one who looks like Kevin Bacon, not the one who looks like a weather-damaged Backstreet Boy, not even the schlubby fat one who seems to have dipped his chin in dogmuck - are going to jail. And especially not Steven Page, even though it looked like he might for a while. After being arrested for cocaine possession back in July, Steven Page from Barenaked Ladies has been staring down a jail sentence. Yesterday, though, he avoided that fate - but only if he promises to go to rehab and stay clean for six months. Stupid courts, everyone knows that when you're letting a Barenaked Lady avoid jail, you're supposed to slip in a clause banning them from ever making any more bad music ever again. Idiots.
Ryan O’Neal & Son Charged With Having All The Drugs
Until now, the only time methamphetamine was linked to Ryan O'Neal was when we had to eat a bucket of it to stay awake during Love Story. But that's no longer the case. Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond have both been charged with methamphetamine possession and other drug offences stemming from time police offices searched their house and allegedly found both of them, um, in possession of methamphetamine. However, if they're found guilty of these charges, both Ryan O'Neal and his son will probably escape a prison sentence. That's because if they go to jail, they'll be less likely to stumble round their house shooting guns at each other and tying each other to banisters and hitting each other in the head with fireplace pokers. And only a monster would put an end to that sort of first-class entertainment.
Until now, the only time methamphetamine was linked to Ryan O'Neal was when we had to eat a bucket of it to stay awake during Love Story. But that's no longer the case. Ryan O'Neal and his son Redmond have both been charged with methamphetamine possession and other drug offences stemming from time police offices searched their house and allegedly found both of them, um, in possession of methamphetamine. However, if they're found guilty of these charges, both Ryan O'Neal and his son will probably escape a prison sentence. That's because if they go to jail, they'll be less likely to stumble round their house shooting guns at each other and tying each other to banisters and hitting each other in the head with fireplace pokers. And only a monster would put an end to that sort of first-class entertainment.
Maureen McCormick: Here’s The Story Of A Spazzed-Out Druggie
Looking back, the world fell in love with Marcia Brady because of her adorable hollow eyes and her wholesome trembling hyperactive paranoia. That's the reason why everyone's favourite episodes of The Brady Bunch is the one where Marcia Brady plumbs the squalid depths of addiction thanks to her years growing up in an abusive family, trading sex for drugs and being forced to deal with unwanted pregnancies. And that episode where Marcia Brady gets hammered on Quaaludes in Sammy Davis Jr's house? Oh Marcia Marcia Marcia. Wait, they're not episodes of The Brady Bunch at all - they're excerpts from Maureen McCormick's new book, Here's The Story: Surviving Marcia Brady And Finding My True Voice. You might think that Maureen McCormick has reached a new pitiful low by detailing her battles with depression and drug addiction in a book for cash, but you're wrong - she's nowhere near the pitiful low benchmark set by her participation in A Very Brady Christmas.
Looking back, the world fell in love with Marcia Brady because of her adorable hollow eyes and her wholesome trembling hyperactive paranoia. That's the reason why everyone's favourite episodes of The Brady Bunch is the one where Marcia Brady plumbs the squalid depths of addiction thanks to her years growing up in an abusive family, trading sex for drugs and being forced to deal with unwanted pregnancies. And that episode where Marcia Brady gets hammered on Quaaludes in Sammy Davis Jr's house? Oh Marcia Marcia Marcia. Wait, they're not episodes of The Brady Bunch at all - they're excerpts from Maureen McCormick's new book, Here's The Story: Surviving Marcia Brady And Finding My True Voice. You might think that Maureen McCormick has reached a new pitiful low by detailing her battles with depression and drug addiction in a book for cash, but you're wrong - she's nowhere near the pitiful low benchmark set by her participation in A Very Brady Christmas.
