Posts tagged as:

celebrities in jail

Pete Doherty To Continue Making Awful Music In Prison

by C J Davies

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/doherty%20to%20work%20on%20new%20album%20from%20jail_1065453

28 comments Read more >>>

Conan O’Brien’s Stalky Clergyman Dodges Jail

by Stuart Heritage

We don’t know for sure, but we’d imagine that Jesus was a very tall man with abnormally ginger hair and a slight blueish tint to his skin.

Because we’ve looked at it from every angle, and the only explanation we can find for Conan O’Brien getting stalked by a Catholic priest is that the priest figured he was the actual son of God, which must also mean that The Masturbating Bear is John The Apostle or something, but we haven’t really thought it through that far.

Anyway, the important news is that Conan O’Brien’s stalky priest, the Rev. David Ajemian, won’t be going to jail. He has, however, been ordered to stay away from Conan O’Brien for two years, meaning that Conan’s set for quite the hefty backlog of angry threatening letters written in blood come April 2010.

1 comment Read more >>>

Pete Doherty Finally Plods Off To Jail

by Stuart Heritage

The widely-held truths about Pete Doherty are that his face looks like it’s made out of pastry, his fans wildly overreact to everything and that he never goes to jail.

However, that’s a list which will have to be revised now, because Pete Doherty has just started a 14-week jail sentence for breaching his probation with bad timekeeping, missed appointments and the continued use of various drugs. And thanks to this prison sentence, Pete Doherty has had to cancel an upcoming concert at the Albert Hall.

Wait a minute, Pete Doherty takes drugs? Crikey, that’s news to us. They’ll be telling us that Amy Winehouse smokes crack next.

11 comments Read more >>>

Remy Ma Banged Up For Belly Shooting

by Stuart Heritage

What is it with female rappers we’ve never really heard of and jail these days?

Lady rapper Remy Ma – of hits like Guilty, Crazy, Everyday I’m Fucking Him and several other songs you’re equally unlikely to have heard of that have less amusing titles – has been convicted of shooting a woman in the belly last year.

So with Remy Ma facing a 25-year jail term, Foxy Brown still locked up and Lil’ Kim’s record as an ex-con, that means the only rapping female without a criminal past is now Natasha Bedingfield. And that’ll only last until the police finally nail her for all those ivory tombstones she’s been embezzling in her teeth.

5 comments Read more >>>

The Game Gets Out Of Jail 52 Days Early

by Stuart Heritage

Talk about a breakdown of civil rights – not so long ago The Game was sentenced to 60 days in jail for threatening to kill a man with his gun.

That’s not where the loss of civil rights comes in though. No, that comes with the news that The Game has been released from jail after serving just eight days of his 60-day sentence.

Eight days? That means The Game had to spend about one eighth of his jail sentence actually in jail. Don’t these people know who The Game is? As a celebrity, his time locked up should have been strictly capped at a twelfth of the sentence, tops. Expect a really bloody angry enquiry any day now.

2 comments Read more >>>

Lou Pearlman To Possibly Discover Boy Bands In Prison

by Shawn Lindseth

When N’Sync and the Backstreet Boys were but wee lads, Lou Pearlman decided to buy them for pennies on the dollar. After his purchase he thought it might be financially wise if he turned them all into a super awesome street dancing crew or something.

The young tots grasped dance so quickly he decided to make them sing too – a wise move. At their highest, N’Sync alone was trading for over thirteen dollars a share on the NASDAQ.

Pearlman’s financial windfall made him both rich and wealthy and well-to-do. Also he got very fat and then he turned evil. That’s why when he grew bored of making young boys dance he turned to ponzi schemes to bilk people out of millions of dollars.

And now it seems he might go to prison for it.

0 comments Read more >>>

Jackass’ Steve-O Seeks Employment in Prison

by Chris Laverty

As clearly the most insane member of the Jackass clan, Steve-O has done everything from jam fireworks up his anus to stapling his scrotum to his leg. Both of which will stand him in great stead in prison.

Most people know that Steve-O is British born and once tried out for the circus. He ended up as a clown and probably spent show intervals playing the bongos on kids’ heads with his testicles. TV is where he has found his natural home: getting bitten, shot, slapped, cut, chiselled, whipped, gassed, drinking salad dressing until he passes out – you name it, Steve-O has been to casualty for it.

As for the British thing, for a man so flagrantly interested in his undercarriage and unable to function without obscene quantities of beer, what else could he be?

Having already flouted the law so many times he has his own jail cell right next door to Robert Downey Jr’s, news of Steve-O’s arrest for allegedly punching holes in his own drywall is hardly front page material. Yet when you add up his call sheet of obscenity, vandalism, drugs charges and a stint on Celebrity Love Island, this time they might just throw away the key.

As clearly the most insane member of the Jackass clan, Steve-O has done everything from jam fireworks up his anus to stapling his scrotum to his leg. Both of which will stand him in great stead in prison. Most people know that Steve-O is British born and once tried out for the circus. He ended up as a clown and probably spent show intervals playing the bongos on kids' heads with his testicles. TV is where he has found his natural home: getting bitten, shot, slapped, cut, chiselled, whipped, gassed, drinking salad dressing until he passes out - you name it, Steve-O has been to casualty for it. As for the British thing, for a man so flagrantly interested in his undercarriage and unable to function without obscene quantities of beer, what else could he be? Having already flouted the law so many times he has his own jail cell right next door to Robert Downey Jr's, news of Steve-O's arrest for allegedly punching holes in his own drywall is hardly front page material. Yet when you add up his call sheet of obscenity, vandalism, drugs charges and a stint on Celebrity Love Island, this time they might just throw away the key.
1 comment Read more >>>

The Game Gets Banged Up

by Stuart Heritage

If you want to play a game of basketball without worrying that a tattoo-faced rapper will threaten to kill you with a gun, now’s the time to do it.

Because The Game, hip-hop’s leading proponent of punching men to the ground during friendly basketball matches and then threatening to kill them with a gun, has started his 60-day jail sentence in LA.

However, it looks like The Game will get an easier ride than most other prisoners, because his jail sentence will be marked by the cushy segregation that all other celebrity inmates receive. Which is ironic, because we wouldn’t be able to recognise The Game if he held a gun to our head.

OK, maybe if he held an actual gun to our head…

1 comment Read more >>>

The Game Gets 60 Days In Jail For The Usual Gun-Waggling Stuff

by Stuart Heritage

It’s a common situation – you’re playing a backyard game of sport and all of a sudden you’re overwhelmed with the urge to punch and pull a gun on your competitor while threatening to kill him.

Can’t we all say that’s happened to us at one point or another? We know we can – and those toddlers won’t be asking for their marbles back in a hurry – and now so can The Game.

Rapper The Game has been sentenced to 60 days in jail for waving a gun around during a basketball match in a schoolyard. Good thing too – if The Game got away with it, this gun-based kill-threatening could have snuck into professional sports, and God knows Alan Smith is dangerous enough as it is without a six-shooter strapped to his thigh.

0 comments Read more >>>

Not Much Chit-Chat for Kiefer Sutherland Behind Bars

by hecklerspray staff

Have you ever wondered how much time it really takes to cultivate a parent child relationship? If you have, then you are probably not one of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan’s parental units (insert rim shot here).

At any rate, the answer is 14 minutes. 14 minutes every three days, in fact. We know because that’s how long Donald Sutherland says he was allowed to talk to his son Kiefer Sutherland when Kiefer was in the slammer for drunkity driving all around town.

2 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →