Articles tagged with: celebrities in jail
15 Months In Jail For Manwhore-Chaining Boy George
Remember how Boy George once cameoed on The A-Team, a show about men jailed for a crime they didn't commit? Well now Boy George has more in common with them than ever. Because he too has been jailed for a crime that... oh no, wait, Boy George did chain that Norwegian prostitute up and threaten to kill him, didn't he? In that case, ignore everything we just said. Boy George has been sentenced to 15 month in jail for falsely imprisoning a manwhore. Logic states that he'll be out in seven for good behaviour, but reality states that he probably won't because he's a dickhead.
Remember how Boy George once cameoed on The A-Team, a show about men jailed for a crime they didn't commit? Well now Boy George has more in common with them than ever. Because he too has been jailed for a crime that... oh no, wait, Boy George did chain that Norwegian prostitute up and threaten to kill him, didn't he? In that case, ignore everything we just said. Boy George has been sentenced to 15 month in jail for falsely imprisoning a manwhore. Logic states that he'll be out in seven for good behaviour, but reality states that he probably won't because he's a dickhead.
Blake Wants To Divorce Amy Winehouse, Who Is Allegedly Making Sweet Love Elsewhere
A good marriage is like a delicate recipe - if you pour in too much salt you're gonna eff up all your pastries. And you know what happens then? The only person who'll eat 'em is that one crazy uncle that lost most of his tongue to a series of mouth cancers. If your experience is anything like ours, that's one uncle you don't want to invite over too much. He tries to float the conversation when really there's only one thing we want to talk about - the portion of jagged lip that sticks out from under his moustache. Back to marriage though - good ones, even in Hollywood, take work. And that work occasionally involves bopping other men while you're husband is wasting away deep inside a prison. Say, that sounds just like Amy Winehouse's marriage - at least according to the man who's moving to divorce her.
A good marriage is like a delicate recipe - if you pour in too much salt you're gonna eff up all your pastries. And you know what happens then? The only person who'll eat 'em is that one crazy uncle that lost most of his tongue to a series of mouth cancers. If your experience is anything like ours, that's one uncle you don't want to invite over too much. He tries to float the conversation when really there's only one thing we want to talk about - the portion of jagged lip that sticks out from under his moustache. Back to marriage though - good ones, even in Hollywood, take work. And that work occasionally involves bopping other men while you're husband is wasting away deep inside a prison. Say, that sounds just like Amy Winehouse's marriage - at least according to the man who's moving to divorce her.
OJ Simpson’s Appealing (No, Not Like That)
So that's that, then - the next time you see OJ Simpson will be somewhere in the tiny window between 2017 and 2041. On Friday OJ Simpson was sentenced to anything between nine and 33 years in jail for his part in last year's bewildering hotel room armed robbery. If he serves the full term, we're looking forward to reading the book that 94-year-old OJ Simpson will publish on his release, tentatively titled If I Did It, Wait, What's My Name Again? Who Are You? Are These My Trousers? They Smell Funny. That's unless OJ Simpson's appeal is successful. Oh, didn't we mention that part?
So that's that, then - the next time you see OJ Simpson will be somewhere in the tiny window between 2017 and 2041. On Friday OJ Simpson was sentenced to anything between nine and 33 years in jail for his part in last year's bewildering hotel room armed robbery. If he serves the full term, we're looking forward to reading the book that 94-year-old OJ Simpson will publish on his release, tentatively titled If I Did It, Wait, What's My Name Again? Who Are You? Are These My Trousers? They Smell Funny. That's unless OJ Simpson's appeal is successful. Oh, didn't we mention that part?
Will OJ Simpson Get Chucked In The Slammer Forever Today?
OJ Simpson should be doing all his favourite things today - it might be his last day of freedom forever. Obviously that won't happen - OJ Simpson's favourite things include writing books about murdering people he used to be married to, robbing strangers at gunpoint and making bewildering hidden-camera DVDs, and they all take ages - but it's his last chance. Later today, OJ Simpson will be sentenced to anywhere between six years and life for masterminding his calamitous hotel room armed robbery last year. OJ's lawyers are pleading for leniency - after all, it's not like he killed his wife or anything, is it?
OJ Simpson should be doing all his favourite things today - it might be his last day of freedom forever. Obviously that won't happen - OJ Simpson's favourite things include writing books about murdering people he used to be married to, robbing strangers at gunpoint and making bewildering hidden-camera DVDs, and they all take ages - but it's his last chance. Later today, OJ Simpson will be sentenced to anywhere between six years and life for masterminding his calamitous hotel room armed robbery last year. OJ's lawyers are pleading for leniency - after all, it's not like he killed his wife or anything, is it?
Boy George Guilty Of Chaining Up That Whore Of His
Bald, fat, previously androgynous 1980s homosexual popstars, let this be a lesson - no beating up manwhores with a chain. We're being serious. It doesn't go down well at all. Boy George, king of the bald, fat, previously androgynous 1980s homosexual popstars, has been found guilty of handcuffing a Norwegian male prostitute to a wall, beating him with a chain and threatening to kill him, and now he's probably going to jail for it. It just goes to show - never copy Boy George. It was true when you decided to decided to grow those nasty white-boy dreadlocks and it's true now.
Bald, fat, previously androgynous 1980s homosexual popstars, let this be a lesson - no beating up manwhores with a chain. We're being serious. It doesn't go down well at all. Boy George, king of the bald, fat, previously androgynous 1980s homosexual popstars, has been found guilty of handcuffing a Norwegian male prostitute to a wall, beating him with a chain and threatening to kill him, and now he's probably going to jail for it. It just goes to show - never copy Boy George. It was true when you decided to decided to grow those nasty white-boy dreadlocks and it's true now.
Prison’s Simply Too Ghastly For Poor Raffaello Follieri
Three weeks ago Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri was sent to jail for defrauding strangers out of their savings. And get this - he's not enjoying it. Apparently the prison service didn't get Raffaello Follieri's memo about the goose-feather pillows, double-quilted toilet roll or how he wanted a cell with a veranda overlooking the lake and, well, he's thrown a bit of a strop about it. According to reports, Raffaello Follieri has already requested to move jails because the one he's in is unsanitary and he's got blood in his urine. We don't know exactly how Raffaello got blood in his urine, but since he's sharing a windowless dormitory with 120 criminals and he looks exactly like the gruesome lovechild of Piers Morgan and Zach Braff, we'd probably guess that he's been beaten up a bit.
Three weeks ago Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri was sent to jail for defrauding strangers out of their savings. And get this - he's not enjoying it. Apparently the prison service didn't get Raffaello Follieri's memo about the goose-feather pillows, double-quilted toilet roll or how he wanted a cell with a veranda overlooking the lake and, well, he's thrown a bit of a strop about it. According to reports, Raffaello Follieri has already requested to move jails because the one he's in is unsanitary and he's got blood in his urine. We don't know exactly how Raffaello got blood in his urine, but since he's sharing a windowless dormitory with 120 criminals and he looks exactly like the gruesome lovechild of Piers Morgan and Zach Braff, we'd probably guess that he's been beaten up a bit.
Amy Winehouse Cheered Up By Release Of BLAAAAAYKE!
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
If you've been traumatised by all those photos of Amy Winehouse looking ill and close to death and alone recently, fear not. Because Amy Winehouse isn't going to be ill and close to death and alone any more - she's going to be ill and close to death with Blake Fielder-Civil, her hat-wearing berk of a husband who was released from jail yesterday, where he'd been since getting arrested for smashing a man's face in with his feet and then lying about it. But don't expect a happy reunion between Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil just yet - after leaving prison, Blake went directly to rehab alone, where he'll either be treated for substance abuse or violent shower-room bumming depending on how well his sentence went.
Drug-Smooshed Barenaked Ladies Chap Avoids Jail
It's obvious that the world would be a much safer place if all the members of Barenaked Ladies were detained in a high security jail for eternity. But that's not going to happen. None of the Barenaked Ladies - not the one who looks like Kevin Bacon, not the one who looks like a weather-damaged Backstreet Boy, not even the schlubby fat one who seems to have dipped his chin in dogmuck - are going to jail. And especially not Steven Page, even though it looked like he might for a while. After being arrested for cocaine possession back in July, Steven Page from Barenaked Ladies has been staring down a jail sentence. Yesterday, though, he avoided that fate - but only if he promises to go to rehab and stay clean for six months. Stupid courts, everyone knows that when you're letting a Barenaked Lady avoid jail, you're supposed to slip in a clause banning them from ever making any more bad music ever again. Idiots.
It's obvious that the world would be a much safer place if all the members of Barenaked Ladies were detained in a high security jail for eternity. But that's not going to happen. None of the Barenaked Ladies - not the one who looks like Kevin Bacon, not the one who looks like a weather-damaged Backstreet Boy, not even the schlubby fat one who seems to have dipped his chin in dogmuck - are going to jail. And especially not Steven Page, even though it looked like he might for a while. After being arrested for cocaine possession back in July, Steven Page from Barenaked Ladies has been staring down a jail sentence. Yesterday, though, he avoided that fate - but only if he promises to go to rehab and stay clean for six months. Stupid courts, everyone knows that when you're letting a Barenaked Lady avoid jail, you're supposed to slip in a clause banning them from ever making any more bad music ever again. Idiots.
