When you think of famous rock and roll antics, a few famous names spring to mind, like Ozzy Osbourne literally shoving anything down his throat. Drugs, ants, doves, Sharon Osbourne - anything.

In more modern times, the rock stars of today aren’t as wild as their counterparts. The most compelling things our heroes do is throw a TV out of a hotel window. Though they later pay for any damage and, through teary eyes, plead to Travel lodge not to give them get a lifetime ban. Now, however, it seems that someone wants to go one weaker in the rock and roll stakes. Chad Kroeger – the husky singer from weak Canadian act Nickelback - has been in trouble with the law. Firstly for drink driving back in June 2007 and now for not showing up to his court hearing. We bow down to this man's antics.

We'd have loved to be a fly on the wall at the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce ruling - and not just so we could puke on everyone's food and make them ill.

No, in short we'd like to have been a fly on the wall at the Paul McCartney/ Heather Mills divorce ruling because it sounds like Heather Mills went properly berserk.

Although it's common knowledge that Heather Mills tipped a bunch of water over Paul McCartney's lawyer's head in court, it's now been claimed that Heather Mills also started slashing her fingers across her throat at Fiona Shackleton in court. And, as all schoolchildren know, that's literally the worst threat you can give. Fiona Shackleton is lucky that Heather Mills didn't mean business, or she's be fishing her pencil case from on top of the woodwork block by now.

Today is a momentous day - it's the day that Paul McCartney and Heather Mills finally discover their divorce deal, putting an end to their long-winded divorce forever.

Well, OK, maybe not forever - we're pretty sure that by teatime Heather Mills will have decided to take the whole thing to an appeal court because she's not happy with the tens of millions of pounds that she's been awarded - but for a bit at least.

How much money will Paul McCartney be ordered to pay Heather Mills? At the moment, newspaper reports are saying £25 million which, going on the accuracy of previous reports, means that in truth the real total could be anywhere between one pence and sixteen hundred jillion quid and a floating space-palace made out of kitten-breath.

The Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline child custody case has been going on forever, mainly because most people agree that the kids would be better off being looked after by a pack of hungry bears than either of them.

But, although the custody case must be emotionally hard for both Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, it's only financially hard for Britney Spears because she's paying all the legal bills.

And now Britney Spears wants that to stop. Britney's lawyers have been in court trying to get Kevin Federline to hire a lawyer with his own funds, but Kevin's not scared. If Britney wins this legal fight then he'll just have to find the best lawyers that a scrunched-up $5 bill and half a packet of Funyuns will buy.

There's an old saying that goes 'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day, but give a redneck a waffle and he'll smack you on the head with a chair'.

Unless he didn't smack anyone over the head with a chair. And yesterday, Kid Rock pleaded not guilty to that exact thing.

Kid Rock appeared before an Atlanta court yesterday to plead not guilty to five counts of battery and one count of simple battery following his alleged involvement in a Waffle House in October. If found guilty, not only will Kid Rock face a year in jail, but it'll also give Waffle House the chance to roll out its 'Waffle House: Fuelling Shit-Thick Redneck Dust-Ups Since 2007' ad campaign it's been so excited about lately.

You may remember that attorney who claimed Britney Spears' civil rights had been removed by the way her father kept her constantly encased in a pulsating plasma forcefield and only fed her twigs.

Or something. Anyway, this attorney - Jon Eardley - had been pushing to move Britney Spears' conservatorship case to a federal court because of this apparent civil rights hoo-hah.

But it isn't going to happen. A judge has ruled that the Britney Spears case has to remain in California because the attorney isn't really Britney Spears' attorney. Interesting, huh? OK, on with your lives now.

Here's a thing - if you get sectioned for a prolonged stay in a mental hospital, turns out judges aren't that keen on letting you look after children.

That's what Britney Spears discovered yesterday, as the latest stop on her sad merry go round of court hearings ruled that she still isn't allowed to see either of her sons. This means that the last time Britney Spears saw her children was when she locked herself topless in a bathroom with one of them early last month.

Having said that, it's thought that Kevin Federline is doing all he can to get the kids to spend time with Britney Spears again, reportedly because he's fed up with the infants beating him at Simon Says all the time. 

Imagine if you had control of everything Britney Spears owns; the money, the houses, the underwea- wait, no, forget that last one.

Well Jamie Spears does have control of everything that Britney Spears owns and, thanks to a recent court order, he gets to keep control of it all for another glorious month.

A judge has extended Jamie Spears' conservatorship of Britney Spears until at least March 10. And it's an undoubtedly good thing that Jamie Spears is still holding the purse strings - not just for Britney, who can continue recovering from her meltdown under the protective care of her family, but also for anyone who wants to see the dream of Jamie Spears' Sticky Cluckin' Fried Poultry Shack become a delicious reality.