Articles tagged with: celebrities and babies
As if Angelina Jolie's unborn children didn't have it good enough already, what with all that guaranteed genetic perfection and whatnot, now they get to be French too.
The mayor of Nice, where Angelina Jolie plans to give birth to her twins, has announced that he's made the unborn tots honourary citizens of the town for the rest of their lives.
What that basically means is that Angelina Jolie's unborn twins now have the right to be treated like French people wherever they are in the world. They'll feel at home no matter what they do - whether it's discussing Sartre over coffee, indulging in some of the world's finest gastronomy or walking around British historical cities really slowly in a huge crowd wearing purple trousers and garish rucksacks and refusing to get out of your way despite your obvious annoyance.
When Angelina Jolie was shipped to her maternity clinic a couple of days ago, everyone assumed that it was because she was just about to sprout babies.
No such luck, we're afraid. Yesterday Angelina Jolie's obstetrician decided to make a sudden statement on her condition. And then, just when the world was holding its breath for something along the lines of "They've been born! And they're beautiful!" what it actually got was "They're not ready yet! Come back in a few weeks!"
So Angelina Jolie isn't going to give birth any time soon, then, although she's going to be staying in her maternity ward until then anyway. We're getting a little tired of all this waiting though - Angelina's got until the end of the week to have her babies, otherwise we go to France armed with a toilet plunger and whatever it is you cut umbilical cords with. Her choice.
This is it - the moment that everyone with a slightly sinister personal investment in the lives of people they're never likely to meet has been waiting for.
That's right, Angelina Jolie has been checked into a French hospital so that she can give birth to those babies that have been clogging up her insides for what seems like a couple of years. Don't worry, though, Angelina Jolie isn't going to have her twins just yet - she's just checked in for a rest before all the gory stuff happens.
But it's still exciting. What will Angelina Jolie call her children this time? We're actually hoping that the twins are named after something specific to the region they're born in - in which case we can expect to soon be introduced to little Unshaven Female Armpit Jolie-Pitt and its sibling, Halfhearted Attitude To Work Jolie-Pitt.
Hoist the flags and sound the trumpets - Angelina Jolie has either given birth to twins or farted really, really loudly! Reports are flooding in that Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins in France. However, right now nobody seems to know how unpregnant Angelina Jolie actually is because, while the reports are mostly convincing, it appears that Angelina has given the twin girls vaguely sensible names. And if we know Angelina Jolie, we know that she'd rather stab a baby in the face than give it a name that she hasn't just made up from a random combination of letters on a whim. Anyway - Angelina Jolie! Babies! Birth! Let's go!
Now that she's got married to Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey has thrown out the celebrity rulebook. Everyone knows that the celebrity courting ritual involves an absurdly quick marriage to someone you just met, then an equally quick divorce followed by the adoption of an African kid who you decide to name Jifrizznia Grundlequack and then raise alone, filling it with a warped notion of reality that will ruin their lives when they grow up. Not Mariah Carey, though - after her absurdly quick marriage to Nick Cannon, Mariah Carey apparently wants to skip the divorce and go straight to the child section. And get this, Mariah Carey doesn't even want to adopt one - she wants to play god and grow a baby in her own stomach. Looks like it might be time for Mariah Carey to start taking her nutty pills again.
Everyone alive is sick of listening to Angelina Jolie prattle on about humanitarian issues all the time - that's a fact. That's fine - a firebrand like Angelina Jolie must be used to the criticism from strangers by now - but it has to hurt when Angelina Jolie's own unborn children start to launch violent internal attacks on her own abdominal wall just to shut her up. Because that's what's happened - during a discussion about Iraqi education policy in Washington on Tuesday, Angelina Jolie was forced to talk about her own unborn twins in public for the very first time because they wouldn't stop booting her in the gut with all their might. Heartwarming stuff, huh?
Heterosexual males and homosexual females - and anyone else who has a pulse – unite and take note: Scarlett Johansson’s relationship to actor boyfriend Ryan Reynolds may be on the rocks.
According to a ‘Stateside spy’ working under cover for the Daily Mail, their relationship has ‘hit a rough patch’. It seems Scarlett has been scared off by Ryan’s mentioning of babies and weddings. The spy said:
"Scarlett is younger and has no desire for a husband or family just yet."
What’s this? An A-list female celebrity who prioritises her career above procreation?
How refreshing.
It's been a hard month, knowing that Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins but not being able to see what they look like.
Chances are your minds have spent the last few weeks racing with worries about Jennifer Lopez's twins - do they have their mother's eyes? Do they have the right amount of fingers? Is one of them a bear? Were either of them born fully-qualified airline pilots - but now the truth is finally out.
The first pictures of Jennifer Lopez's twin babies have been published on the front cover of today's People magazine. And the good news is that, judging by the pictures, both of Jennifer Lopez's twins look perfectly fine - although if we were Marc Anthony might want a DNA paternity test just to clear up any lingering suspicion that Jennifer wasn't knocked up by a Boobah. Really, the resemblance is uncanny.
