Articles tagged with: celebrities and babies
W: Now With Babies Chomping On Angelina Jolie’s Knockers
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moved to Europe partly to escape the slavering media attention they have to deal with all the time in America. That should be applauded - it's easy to forget that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are real people. As such they need to protect their privacy with as much vigour as they possibly muster. There are some things that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have to keep for themselves, and we should respect that. Unless, you know, Angelina Jolie's got a new film coming out, in which case it's perfectly OK for Brad Pitt to take a picture of her with a baby's mouth clamped around the end of her boob and then sell it to W magazine for cash as a covershot. That's right kids - those Angelina Jolie breastfeeding photos you've been anticipating with equal horror and arousal are finally here.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie moved to Europe partly to escape the slavering media attention they have to deal with all the time in America. That should be applauded - it's easy to forget that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are real people. As such they need to protect their privacy with as much vigour as they possibly muster. There are some things that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have to keep for themselves, and we should respect that. Unless, you know, Angelina Jolie's got a new film coming out, in which case it's perfectly OK for Brad Pitt to take a picture of her with a baby's mouth clamped around the end of her boob and then sell it to W magazine for cash as a covershot. That's right kids - those Angelina Jolie breastfeeding photos you've been anticipating with equal horror and arousal are finally here.
Brace Yourself, World: Paris Hilton Wants Babies
The Simple Life all but proved that Paris Hilton will be a bad mother - she can't even photocopy, so what's stopping her from dropping a baby down the toilet? However, little things like common sense and concern for the future of humanity don't matter to Paris Hilton, which is why she's told People that she's desperate to have children. Don't be too alarmed by Paris Hilton's claims, though - if she does have a baby it'll be an interesting genetic experiment - in four short generations the Hilton family has gone from billionaire hotel chain founder to Paris Hilton, so if our charts are right the fifth generation will mostly resemble the mutant teleported dog from the beginning of The Fly 2.
The Simple Life all but proved that Paris Hilton will be a bad mother - she can't even photocopy, so what's stopping her from dropping a baby down the toilet? However, little things like common sense and concern for the future of humanity don't matter to Paris Hilton, which is why she's told People that she's desperate to have children. Don't be too alarmed by Paris Hilton's claims, though - if she does have a baby it'll be an interesting genetic experiment - in four short generations the Hilton family has gone from billionaire hotel chain founder to Paris Hilton, so if our charts are right the fifth generation will mostly resemble the mutant teleported dog from the beginning of The Fly 2.
Angelina Jolie Gets Covered In Tattoos For Her Twins
Angelina Jolie has physically changed since the birth of her twins, and not just because now you could easily drive a tractor up her birth canal. No. Instead, Angelina Jolie has decided to change by getting two more tattoos etched onto her left arm to commemorate the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. According to reports, the tattoos come in the form of map coordinates explaining exactly where the twins were born. They're not the only coordinate tattoos Angelina Jolie has - in fact, she's a long-time proponent of them. Angelina Jolie's arm also bears the coordinates of the birthplace of Maddox, the birthplace of Zahara, the birthplace of Shiloh Nouvel, the birthplace of Pax Thien and the exact location of where Angelina Jolie decided to steal Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston forever.
Angelina Jolie has physically changed since the birth of her twins, and not just because now you could easily drive a tractor up her birth canal. No. Instead, Angelina Jolie has decided to change by getting two more tattoos etched onto her left arm to commemorate the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. According to reports, the tattoos come in the form of map coordinates explaining exactly where the twins were born. They're not the only coordinate tattoos Angelina Jolie has - in fact, she's a long-time proponent of them. Angelina Jolie's arm also bears the coordinates of the birthplace of Maddox, the birthplace of Zahara, the birthplace of Shiloh Nouvel, the birthplace of Pax Thien and the exact location of where Angelina Jolie decided to steal Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston forever.
Angelina Jolie Has Post-Natal Depression, Say Sources
FROM DIETPIXIE - It seems Angelina Jolie is human after all. There was us thinking that the Lara Croft star was finding juggling motherhood, her career and various charity commitments a breeze. Not so, say sources close to Angelina and Brad, who have revealed the reason we have not seen her much since the ...
FROM DIETPIXIE - It seems Angelina Jolie is human after all. There was us thinking that the Lara Croft star was finding juggling motherhood, her career and various charity commitments a breeze. Not so, say sources close to Angelina and Brad, who have revealed the reason we have not seen her much since the ...
Brad Pitt Throws Furious Giganto-Strop Over Secret Baby Photos
You're probably wondering what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins look like, because you're nosy and have nothing better to do. But you mustn't. You mustn't look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's babies - especially if you're looking at the paparazzi photos secretly taken with a high-powered telephoto lens that were recently taken. Look at those and Brad Pitt will sue your sweaty loner arse all the way to the moon and back. He's said so himself. But don't get the wrong idea - Brad Pitt isn't going to unusually strong legal measures to protect the privacy of his family. He's doing it to protect you. Those babies are so genetically perfect that if you even glance at them you'll instantly leave your wife because their beauty will show her up to be the ugly old trollop that she really is.
You're probably wondering what Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new twins look like, because you're nosy and have nothing better to do. But you mustn't. You mustn't look at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's babies - especially if you're looking at the paparazzi photos secretly taken with a high-powered telephoto lens that were recently taken. Look at those and Brad Pitt will sue your sweaty loner arse all the way to the moon and back. He's said so himself. But don't get the wrong idea - Brad Pitt isn't going to unusually strong legal measures to protect the privacy of his family. He's doing it to protect you. Those babies are so genetically perfect that if you even glance at them you'll instantly leave your wife because their beauty will show her up to be the ugly old trollop that she really is.
Angelina Jolie Twins: What Does Old Estranged Grandpappy Think?
Since Angelina Jolie is the only woman in the history of time itself to have ever given birth, it's only right that people want in. Ever since Angelina's twins Knox and Vivienne were born this weekend, they've had to battle for attention with all kinds of blithering nonentities determined to spout of about what they think of them. And that even includes Angelina Jolie's dad, Jon Voight. Even though he's been estranged from Angelina Jolie for the best part of a decade, Jon Voight has still felt the need to rush off and tell the nearest media organisation how happy he is about the twins on the off-chance that Angelina will let him see them. Sounds heartbreaking, we know, but don't be fooled - Jon Voight stars in the National Treasure movies, so it's only natural that Angelina wants to keep the kids as far away from Nicolas Cage as possible.
Since Angelina Jolie is the only woman in the history of time itself to have ever given birth, it's only right that people want in. Ever since Angelina's twins Knox and Vivienne were born this weekend, they've had to battle for attention with all kinds of blithering nonentities determined to spout of about what they think of them. And that even includes Angelina Jolie's dad, Jon Voight. Even though he's been estranged from Angelina Jolie for the best part of a decade, Jon Voight has still felt the need to rush off and tell the nearest media organisation how happy he is about the twins on the off-chance that Angelina will let him see them. Sounds heartbreaking, we know, but don't be fooled - Jon Voight stars in the National Treasure movies, so it's only natural that Angelina wants to keep the kids as far away from Nicolas Cage as possible.
Nice’s Mayor Makes Jolie-Pitt Twin Birth Official, Just So You Know
The mayor of Nice officially welcomed the newborn Jolie-Pitt twins into the world yesterday, begging the question, who gives a giant rip? It’s not like there’s anything worthwhile about it. But, according to hecklerspray financial analysts, that’s not entirely true if you’re a newborn Jolie-Pitt twin. Having the mayor of Nice welcome little Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt into the world is worth roughly the equivalent of four of each of the adopted Jolie-Pitt children, a baker’s dozen Suri Cruises, 237 giant panda twins born to Gou Gou last week, or over one thousand of any of the Spears' spawn, especially the illegitimate one. All of which are quite surprisingly positive values considering the detrimental impact of oil prices on the economy as of late.
The mayor of Nice officially welcomed the newborn Jolie-Pitt twins into the world yesterday, begging the question, who gives a giant rip? It’s not like there’s anything worthwhile about it. But, according to hecklerspray financial analysts, that’s not entirely true if you’re a newborn Jolie-Pitt twin. Having the mayor of Nice welcome little Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt into the world is worth roughly the equivalent of four of each of the adopted Jolie-Pitt children, a baker’s dozen Suri Cruises, 237 giant panda twins born to Gou Gou last week, or over one thousand of any of the Spears' spawn, especially the illegitimate one. All of which are quite surprisingly positive values considering the detrimental impact of oil prices on the economy as of late.
Angelina Jolie Gives Her Babies Depressingly Normal Names
So Angelina Jolie has finally given birth to those baby twins she seems to have been pregnant with for the last 28 months. And now that Angelina Jolie has increased her ever-expanding brood of biological and adopted kids to six, you'd expect that she'd be thrilled, wouldn't you? Well think again - if the babies' names are anything to go by, Angelina Jolie bloody well hates the pair of them. Why? Because we all know that Angelina Jolie loves to give her children all sorts of zany names, but these new ones? Angelina's actually given them names that they'll be able to pronounce? Urgh! Worst of all, they're not even made up-names! One's called Leon and the other one's called Vivienne - Angelina may as well have just slapped them both in the face at birth and had done with it.
So Angelina Jolie has finally given birth to those baby twins she seems to have been pregnant with for the last 28 months. And now that Angelina Jolie has increased her ever-expanding brood of biological and adopted kids to six, you'd expect that she'd be thrilled, wouldn't you? Well think again - if the babies' names are anything to go by, Angelina Jolie bloody well hates the pair of them. Why? Because we all know that Angelina Jolie loves to give her children all sorts of zany names, but these new ones? Angelina's actually given them names that they'll be able to pronounce? Urgh! Worst of all, they're not even made up-names! One's called Leon and the other one's called Vivienne - Angelina may as well have just slapped them both in the face at birth and had done with it.
