As well you know, Ashton Kutcher is a oddly hairlined berk. He’s managed to make a career out of… well… playing himself. Which is notably, a dunderhead with a six pack and blank look on his head.
Still, at least he’s aware of this. How?
Well, the pro-goofball – who was recently announced as Charlie Sheen’s replacement on Two And A Half Men – says that his landing the role ‘feels like winning the lottery’. As you know, the lottery is a game of chance which showers someone with vast fortune despite them not having ever really earned it. Nice of him to underline how unfair the world can be for us all.
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After the horrendous Single Ladies seven-year-olds scandal of a few weeks back – which can never be expunged from our brains – we bring you more news of children being inappropriate.
Today’s scandal is brought to you by someone who isn’t old enough to know poop isn’t a food stuff, and yet they’ve racked up over one million views with their YouTube video. The video in question is from Baby Gaga, better known to those getting a visit from the social as three-year-old baby girl Keira Ladrow. The child was filmed as she sang along to Lady Gaga’s Telephone single. She does very little in her video, except smile at the camera and scrunch her little nose, and yet her video is still causing outrage. Oh, the adorable horror – when will it end?
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So Adam Lambert from AI kissed a man at the AMAs and GMA freaked out until CBS gave him some TLC. OK?
Yes, that’s perfectly clear. Although Good Morning America had scrapped an Adam Lambert performance in the wake of the kiss, in case he suddenly went all gay and started bumming a cameraman or something, CBS’s The Early Show had no such qualms. That’s why Adam Lambert appeared on the show in all his gay glory yesterday.
OK, not all his gay glory. The Early Show actually blurred out Adam Lambert’s kiss, despite showing an uncensored version of the Madonna/ Britney Spears kiss moments later. Which is obviously controversial because Madonna’s like all old and crap, and that’s worse.
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Hats off to CBS – it’s thought long and hard about how to end to the financial crisis and, by jingo, it’s done it!
How? Why, by giving John Mayer his own TV show, of course. No, bear with us. You see, if there’s an hour a week where John Mayer is on TV, it’s bound to scare the public into rushing from their homes screaming – straight to the high street. Thanks to CBS and John Mayer, we’re sure the tinned food, DIY bunker and shotgun industries will all easily avoid collapse!
Seriously, John Mayer’s got a TV show. We’re terrified.
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Hats off to CBS - it's thought long and hard about how to end to the financial crisis and, by jingo, it's done it!
How? Why, by giving John Mayer his own TV show, of course. No, bear with us. You see, if there's an hour a week where John Mayer is on TV, it's bound to scare the public into rushing from their homes screaming - straight to the high street. Thanks to CBS and John Mayer, we're sure the tinned food, DIY bunker and shotgun industries will all easily avoid collapse!
Seriously, John Mayer's got a TV show. We're terrified.
Doesn't matter where you're from, Big Brother always manages to recruit some heavy-duty arsehandles.
In the UK, Big Brother mainly comes undone whenever racism is brought up – sometimes to the extent where entire South Asian subcontinents communally burn little wicker Jade Goodys.
Not in America, though – mental illness is their thing. The latest season of Big Brother there has come under fire because a housemate called Adam decided to reveal that he thinks all autistic people are 'retards' who have bad haircuts. Which is remarkably insensitive, given that up to 85% of all Big Brother housemates worldwide are probably a little bit retarded themselves.
What? It's true.
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