It’s Cher who we feel most sorry for, of course. We thought that Cher had the Batman 3 Catwoman role all sewn up.

But, no, Megan Fox had to waltz in and snatch it from her. Damn you, Megan Fox. What’s your Catwoman going to like, huh? All young and sexy, probably. Well that’s not good enough – we wanted Batman 3 to feature a doddery 63-year-old Catwoman dressed in a vicar’s doily who’d been scientifically reconstructed from scraps of medical waste. And now you’ve spoilt it, Megan Fox. Because you’re the new Catwoman, aren’t you?

Aren’t you? What’s that? Probably not? Oh.

With filming set to begin on Batman 3 next year, speculation has never been so rife. How many subordinates will Christian Bale bellow at during the filming? Which promising young star will die right before the movie’s release? If Christian Bale gives Batman that silly voice again for a third film, how far into the movie will it be before his larynx shears in half like a rusty pipe? We must know!

But at least we know who’s going to play Catwoman in Batman 3 now. It’s our dear friend Megan Fox, who’s presumably been chosen over Cher because Christopher Nolan didn’t want a Catwoman who looks as if chronic osteoporosis would hamper her whip skills, and chosen over Angelina Jolie because she’s about 40 times cheaper.

Except, well, don’t get your hopes up. Megan Fox hasn’t officially been signed to play Catwoman in Batman 3, and that’s probably for the following reasons:

1 - If Megan Fox starred in Batman 3, then Catwoman would be 12 years younger than Batman. Therefore, the sexual relationship between Batman and Catwoman would be replaced by scenes where Batman takes Catwoman to play on the swings and washes her by spitting into a tissue and then rubbing it all over her face.

2 – Megan Fox recently slagged off her latest Transformers movie, so big action franchise producers will be weary about working with her.

3 - This is plainly a lot of bollocks from Megan Fox’s camp because she wants to play Catwoman instead of Rachel Weisz, who is currently the favourite to get the role.

But let’s play along for a bit anyway. Hey The Sun, why would Megan Fox make a good Catwoman?

The Transformers stunner follows in the pawprints of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry. But Megan, who has a slightly darker edge than her two predecessors, will be brilliant as Selina Kyle.

Oh, it’s because Megan Fox has a dark edge. That makes sense. We can see it now. Batman 3 will be about Catwoman – who turned to crime after realising that she wasn’t very good at acting – holding Gotham City to ransom by doing some acting for them, paralysing the population with the impossible choice of telling her that she’s not a very good actress and letting her carry on thinking that she’s a good actress just because she’s quite pretty.

And we just thought that this was news because it happens to be Bring Your Horny Teenage Son To Work Day at The Sun. Shows what we know, eh?

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It only makes sense. If you were creating a comic book story, wouldn’t you draw the hottest women you could think of? So, obviously, when it comes to turning these scribbles into real people for Movieland, you really have to find the cream. And, for the most part, the studios get it right.

So much so, that crunching them down into just 26 was one of the hardest tasks we have ever done. But it was worth every minute. Enjoy.

26. Maria Bello
Notable comic book movie appearance:  A History Of Violence (2005)

Some of you may or may not know that A History Of Violence is a comic book movie. Probably because it doesn’t involve anyone with in tights with superpowers. However, Maria Bello comes close to a superwoman.

25. Natalie Portman
Notable comic book appearance: V for Vendetta (2005)

Another pants film, but Natalie Portman is always worth watching. Terrible accent though.

24. Tanya Roberts
Notable comic book appearance: Sheena (1984)

Possibly the worst movie ever made, but Tanya Roberts does a topless bathing scene. Unfortunately, it has been taken down. If anyone can find it, please send it to us.

23. Maggie Gyllenhaal
Notable comic book appearance: The Dark Knight (2008)

We’d all like to give her a bit of a spanking.

22. Naomi Watts
Notable comic book movie appearance: Tank Girl (1995)

We all had to start somewhere. Definitely prefer her Ring though.

21. Adrienne Barbeau
Notable comic book movie appearance: Swamp Thing (1982)

Her jiggle was the movie’s most memorable special effect.

20. Leonor Varela
Notable comic book movie appearance: Blade 2

A bit of a favourite among the hecklerspray crew. Mind you, with a name that sounds like fabric conditioner it’s only natural she’d clean up.

19. Eva Mendes
Notable comic book movie appearance: Ghost Rider (2007)

Eva Mendes really needs a new agent. She stars in the worst films ever. Ghost Rider certainly falls into that category, but Eva certainly made it slightly watchable.

18. Liv Tyler
Notable comic book movie appearance: The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Is it wrong to prefer with pointy ears?

17. Kelly Hu
Notable comic book movie appearance: X-Men 2 (2000)

Kelly Hu kicked ass in X Men 2. Although you wouldn’t want her to rake her claws down your back.

16. Helen Slater
Notable comic book movie appearance: Supergirl (1984)

More girl next door than hot babe, but it’s always the quiet ones.

15. Kirsten Dunst
Notable comic book movie appearance: Spider-Man trilogy (2002-2007)

Not everyone’s cup of tea, but certainly sexy enough to deserve a place on here.

14. Jennifer Garner
Notable comic book appearances: Daredevil (2003) and Elektra (2005)

Again, both Daredevil and Elecktra were pants, but Jennifer Garner dressed up in that outfit helped ease the pain.

13. Halle Berry
Notable comic book appearances: X-Men trilogy (2000-2006) and Catwoman (2004)

Catwoman sucked big time, but her outfit almost made it worth watching. Almost…

12. Jennifer Connelly
Notable comic book appearance: Hulk (2003), Rocketeer (1991)

Maybe there is something wrong with us, but Hulk was so bad we kept hoping it would end like Requiem For A Dream. That would have woke a few people up.

=10. Malin Akerman and Carla Gugino
Notable comic book movie appearance: Watchmen (2009)


OK, we know this is cheating as the movie is not out yet, but, come on, just look at them. Problem is the office is divided over who is better, so we bottled it and slung them together.

9. Rebecca Romijn
Notable comic book appearances: X-Men trilogy (2000-2006)

She may not have looked at her best in X-Men – unless you are turned on by scaly, blue things – but there is no doubt behind the make-up Rebecca is a real class act.

8. Michelle Pfeiffer
Notable comic book movie appearance: Batman Returns (1992)

Batman Returns was a poor follow-up to Batman, but Michelle Pfeiffer certainly livened things up in that suit. OK, we avoided the obvious pussy jokes.

8. Jane Fonda
Notable comic book movie appearance: Barbarella (1968)

Some of you maybe scratching your heads right now, but Barbarella is indeed based on a comic book. A French one by Jean-Claude Forest to be exact. Of course, it is just another excuse to stick a picture of Jane
Fonda in loose-fitting clothing on our site.

7. Lena Headey
Notable comic book movie appearance: 300 (2006)

We would all would have liked to have gone Spartan on the sexy British actress.

6. Rosario Dawson
Notable comic book movie appearance: Sin City (2005)

Living in sin with Rosario Dawson? OK, where do we sign up?

5. Famke Janssen
Notable comic book appearances: X-Men trilogy (2000-2005)

We all would not mind being between Famke’s thighs – even if she is squeezing you to death. Oh, bollocks, wrong movies. Thing is, being turned into dust particles doesn’t work as well, does it?

4. Milla Jovovich
Notable comic book movie appearance: Ultraviolet (2006)

OK, the movie sucked, but Milla is always worth watching.

3. Emmanuelle Vaugier
Notable comic book movie appearance: Painkiller Jane

The Saw actress even outshines Kristanna Loken in the TV movie of Painkiller Jane. Not an easy task.

2. Jessica Biel
Notable comic book movie appearance: Blade: Trinity

It was difficult separating Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba for the top spot, but we’d love to give it a try.

1. Jessica Alba
Notable comic book movie appearances: Sin City, Fantastic Four

Take your pick which role you prefer out of the sexy stripper from Sin City or the angelic Susan Storm in the Fantastic Four, there is no doubt Jessica Alba is one of the hottest women in Hollywood right now.

But that’s potentially going to change with the release of Batman 3, or whatever the sequel to The Dark Knight is going to be called. That’s because, according to The Mirror, Christopher Nolan’s first choice to play Catwoman is none other than 62-year-old surgically modified warbler Cher.

Phew, and to think that Angelina Jolie was almost Catwoman, too. That would have just been sick.

We’re in a brave new world here, people. The Dark Knight isn’t just not the top movie at the box office any more, it isn’t also not the best movie ever made any more according to recent statistics. And, whisper it, but The Dark Knight is also isn’t not the movie that isn’t not going to won’t beat Titanic to the all-time top-grossing movie title. We think. We may have got a little confused back there.

Anyway, our point is this – now that we’re living in a world where The Dark Knight hype is starting to wilt, it should be time that Batman 3 hype got a kick up the old wazoo. But first, let’s see where we stand with Batman 3 hype at the moment.

It’s a concrete, rock-solid, set in stone fact that neither The Penguin or Catwoman will be appearing in Batman 3, just as it’s scientifically unequivocal that Catwoman will be in Batman 3 and played by Angelina Jolie. But now a new report is suggesting that Catwoman will be in Batman 3 and played by Cher. And, since it’s the most recent, we’re more inclined to believe it. The Mirror reports:

Cher has been lined up to play Catwoman in the next Batman movie. Cher, 62, was invited to join a cast which includes Johnny Depp as The Riddler. A studio executive revealed: “Cher is Nolan’s first choice to play Catwoman. He wants her to portray her like a vamp in her twilight years. The new Catwoman will be the absolute opposite of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry’s purring creations.”

Actually, once you’ve got over the shock of Cher as Catwoman – and brace yourself, it’ll probably take up to six or seven hours for the news to sink in and the terror-sweats to stop – it actually makes a twisted amount of sense. After all, Cher and Catwoman are incredibly similar. Look…

1) They both have a terrible dress sense.

2) They both have problem hair.

3) They’re both gay icons.

4) Both of them believe in life after love.

5) Catwoman once had a ginger son with a face like a club foot, exactly like Cher did in the film Mask.

Spooky, huh? So, on the whole, we’re generally convinced that Cher being Catwoman is a perfectly good idea, although news of an older Catwoman has kind of given the game away that Batman 3 will revolve around the theme of vaginal prolapse. Oh well, we’ll get over it.

Michael Caine hasn’t smacked a gypsy on the head with a shovel? Morgan Freeman hasn’t accidentally fallen down a lift shaft? Good, then that really is the end of interminable Dark Knight hype. So let’s start hyping up Batman 3 instead, then.

Although nobody knows for sure who the Batman 3 villain will be, Catwoman is emerging as a fan favourite, for some completely unknown reason. And Angelina Jolie seems to be the frontrunner to play her. That’s not just berserk internet lust talking – definitive 1960s Catwoman Julie Newmar seems to think she’d be a good fit, too. Still, if that falls through there’s always Kerry Katona. Or death. Let’s go with death.

With The Dark Knight storming past all kinds of box office records at the moment, it’s become clear that topping it will be an insanely difficult job for Christopher Nolan. Surely the only way to make Batman 3 longer or more depressing than The Dark Knight would be to make it about a leukemia patient choking on his own vomit in slow motion for six solid hours.

So perhaps Christopher Nolan should try a different tack for the follow-up. Maybe he could make Batman 3 happier, by having The Joker return as an actual joker who dances round giving balloon animals to children and making everyone jolly. And there’s always the Bat-Nipples. Never forget the Bat-Nipples.

Of course, Christopher Nolan’s easiest escape route would be to shove Catwoman into Batman 3 and hope that there are enough creepy men around to go and see it for no other reason than because they’re perverts. After all, if people have been going crazy because The Dark Knight has giant IMAX footage of a bank robbery, imagine how crazy they’ll go if Batman 3 has giant IMAX footage of Catwoman’s vulva outlined through a rubber catsuit.

Yes yes, we know that there are reports suggesting that Catwoman won’t be in Batman 3, but we’re not so sure. Especially now that Angelina Jolie is reportedly interested in the role.

Julie Newmar – the greatest Catwoman ever according to everyone who isn’t an idiot – has come forward as saying that Angelina Jolie would be the best choice to play Catwoman in Batman 3, and she’s even gone as far as to suggest that Angelina is already lobbying for the part. According to the New York Daily News:

“Angelina would own the part. My industry friends tell me [she] has made inquiries about the role… I can understand how it would pique her interest. Catwoman is Batman’s one true love. She’s tremendously popular with women because she’s both a heroine and a villainess.”

That’s great. True, all we’ve got to go on is the blithely-spoken word of a 74-year-old who hasn’t been Catwoman for 40 years, but a little thing like that won’t stop us getting excited. Especially since Christopher Nolan’s fondness for real-life explanations for the Batman world would mean that Angelina Jolie would probably have to play a Catwoman with some kind of serious psychological condition. Mental illness is sexy!

However, we’re only prepared to accept Angelina Jolie as Catwoman in Batman 3 so long as our new hero, French police spokeswoman Olivia Poupot, can also be cast as Commissioner Gordon’s brilliantly dismissive European sidekick. She’s already fairly incredible at being bored by Angelina Jolie, you see.

In fact, people are going so potty over The Dark Knight that they’ve started to pretend that they’ve already seen it just so they can move onto speculation over Batman 3. So we may as well do the same. It’s not like we’ve got anything better to do.

Batman screenwriters David Goyer and Jonah Nolan have responded to claims that the baddies in Batman 3 will be Catwoman and The Penguin by saying that the baddies in Batman 3 definitely won’t be Catwoman and The Penguin. They’ve got a whole raft of other villains to chose from, so why pick the two most obvious? Especially when nobody’s put Lola Lasagne in a Batman movie yet.

Believe what you read and you’ll hear that The Dark Knight is as good as The Godfather II, that The Dark Knight is so profound that your life will be changed forever by two and a half hours of watching a man in a silly rubber costume riding a bike, and that Heath Ledger’s performance as The Joker is so perfect that all Oscars past present and future should be posthumously given to Heath, melted down and made into a single giant Oscar that does the dance from 10 Things I Hate About You every hour on the hour.

Is The Dark Knight that good? Buggered if we know, but we’ve been suckered in by the hype as much as anyone else. So, to try and combat our feelings of market-manipulated vulnerability, let’s try and take control by starting up a bunch of hype about Batman 3.

Christian Bale is already keen to make another Batman movie and, so long as Christopher Nolan decides that he wants to, it’s pretty much a done deal already. Which begs the question – which of Batman’s villains will feature in Batman 3?

Obviously the two main choices are The Penguin and Catwoman. They’re just as iconic as The Joker and they’ve as yet been ignored by the Nolan Batman series. However, we have our reservations.

For example, The Penguin is usually seen as a comedy character, and Christopher Nolan would rather cut his balls off than have a moment of light relief in one of his Batman films. And as for Catwoman… given what Nolan has done to The Joker, we’re not sure that we’re ready to have our life-long Catwoman fetish ruined by a scar-covered mess with matted hair and a freaky make-up job.

Luckily, Batman writers David Goyer and Jonah Nolan agree with us, although their reasoning has slightly less to do with the preservation of a slightly unnatural sexual fantasy than ours. Totalfilm reports:

“In the first movie we use Ra’s Al Ghul and The Scarecrow, who had not been in the movies before, and had not been in the sixties TV show before. And there are dozens if not hundreds of other characters that fit that bill. Everyone says its gotta be The Penguin or Catwoman… well I completely disagree.”

Of course, there are hundreds of various Batman villains that could be used in Batman 3, so we’ll just have to sit and wait to see which ones get used.

Needless to say, we’ll never be happy until Schwarzenegger reprises his role as Mr Freeze, because if there’s one thing that Christopher Nolan is shit at, it’s the ice-based pun.

What would you rather have – a critically-acclaimed immersive crime drama or a great big European guy painted blue shouting things like “You’re not sending me to the cooler!”? Mr Freeze wins every time. It’s not even a contest.