Articles tagged with: Catholics
Whenever Ron Howard adapts a Dan Brown book into a movie, three things are guaranteed to instantly happen. Firstly, Tom Hanks will grow a terrible haircut. Secondly, reams of fat American tourists will start plodding around wherever it's set loudly carping on about the Catholic church because they think that listening to a rubbishy airport book on audiotape once makes them the world's sweatiest, most badly-dressed professors of theology. And thirdly Ron Howard will wring his hands and unconvincingly claim that he doesn't hate Catholics. Angels & Demons is released soon, so you'll never guess what Ron Howard has done.
You don't want to get on the wrong side of the Vatican - not only does it have the power to send you to hell, but it can also deliver quite a nasty movie review, as The Golden Compass is discovering.
The Vatican newspaper l'Osservatore Romano has launched a scathing attack aimed at The Golden Compass, and what it calls the movie's "cold and hopeless world." Quite what the Vatican's problem is with The Golden Compass, a movie about shifty-eyed bishops trying to kill children that may as well be called All Catholics Smell Of Bumholes, we don't know. But when you go and see The Golden Compass, just you remember that it isn't really the Pope's cup of tea. He much prefers Piss Crazy Lesbian Sluts 2, you see, and says it's a high watermark of the piss crazy lesbian slut genre. Or something. Possibly.
Now, the more religious of you might look at Britney Spears and think "there's a young lady going straight to hell" - but Britney Spears is determined not to go to hell, and she doesn't care how many priests she has to seduce to avoid it.
Although the whirlpool of custody cases and drug allegations and head-shaving, vagina-baring madness has overtaken Britney Spears' life at the moment, it's good to see that Britney hasn't completely turned her back on what she's good at - annoying the clergy. One of the booklet photos for Britney Spears' new album Blackout has caused controversy among Catholics because it shows Britney Spears sitting on a priest's lap in a short skirt. If anything, though, the Catholics should be pleased by this - the priest in the photo clearly isn't aroused at all by Britney Spears, and is instead wearing a facial expression halfway between "What's that smell? Has someone farted?" and "Oh Christ no, not the vagina again!"
