Kittens, as everyone knows, are adorable. But then they grow up to be cats, and everyone knows that cats can’t wait to kill you in your sleep.

If only there was some way to capture the essence of a kitten and then trap it behind a screen so that it will never grow up with the desire to slash your throat with its razor-sharp cat-talons. Wait a minute! There is!

After the jump is a little downloadable app with a kitten on it. You can stroke the kitten with your mouse and it’ll react with joy instead of a vicious attempt to take one of your eyes out. Download it and it’ll do even more stuff. After the jump…

9 - Here’s a cat doing an impression of hecklerspray – YouTube

8 - Insane oligarchs, why not pay $100m to punch Lennox Lewis in the face – Dailymail

7 - Once again, David Spade defies logic – Monsters And Critics

6 - Dear The Cheeky Girls, OK that’s enough now. Thanks. Love from the world – Holymoly

5 - By accident, William Shatner opens his mouth and says something that isn’t paranoid and angry – YouTube

4 - A lesson in rose-tinted nostalgia – Kontraband

3 – Ten fairly solid reasons why Kanye West in an idiot - Mamapop

2 - So, hey, drive-by shootings just got easier - Google Maps

1 - Turns out that bloke from Twilight is the boringest man on Earth. Who knew?  - Best Week Ever

9 – Christopher Biggins wears some glasses. That’s literally the news – Popsugar

8 - Hey Terrence Howard! You’re not going to be wearing this any time soon - Slashfilm

7 - An unusually small dog. Go “aww” at this and you’re banned from here forever – I Am Bored

6 - ‘I Am Under 18′ Button Clicked For The First Time In The History of The Internet – Theonion

5 - Proof that God is basically Bansky, although He probably went to a less wanky school and is more imaginary – Environmentalgraffiti

4 - Are you following us on Twitter yet? - Twitter

3 - John McCain possibly does a bit of a swearword - Bestweekever

2 – And, for the sake of impartiality, a build-at-home paper Barack Obama! – Buildobama

1 - Do you think the Google Android G1 phone is cool? Watch this, you’ll change your mind within 20 seconds…

9 - Transporter 3, the uplifting coming of age tale about a lost soul finding a voice in society - Moviemoron

8 – Alesha Dixon’s new music video. It’s, um, sort of OK. Probably – Popjustice

7 - Swedish people touching an electric fence. Not as much death as you’d hope for - I Am Bored

6 – Apparently some idiots still leave tips for waitresses. Cuh - Consumerist

5 - A statue of an acorn – Geograph

4 - Anyone get the feeling that this cat only likes scuba because its legs can’t support its own weight on land…

3 – A bleak history of pubs – Newsweek

2 - Robots made of typewriters. We want one – Technabob

1 – 900-pound squid joins the cast of The View - The Onion

5 - Busuu.com – it’s like Facebook but you learn a new language doing it rather than get publicly ridiculed for the way you’re beginning to resemble members of bad 1990s American jam bands. So it’s better – Busuu

4 – It’s a hamster that looks like a cake. And it looks delicious, which is probably counterproductive - Gawker

3 - The hecklerspray IT department in full force

2 - Known Gary Glitter Aliases. From The Onion, so just as funny as you’d expect – The Onion

1 - How to make Spider-Man 4 not so awful that it makes us want to punch Tobey Maguire in the face as hard we can. Tough job - IGN

5 – The all-time feline champion of What’s The Time Mr Wolf…

4 – The top 25 covers of Yesterday by The Beatles. And 23 of them are crap. Redux

3 – Boyzone’s new single. We can tell if you click this, and we’ll hunt you down if you do. Popsugar

2 - Official Guitar Hero 4 set-list. Good news if you like Tool. Bad news if you have ears. AV Club

1 - It’s the world’s smallest man posing with the woman with the world’s most unforgiving hairdo. Best Week Ever

And with that went my chance of making any money out of Paddy Power this week!

I had my lolly on creepy Mario and his plastic wife Lisa. Surely that was a banker of a bet? But no – the voting public thought otherwise and ousted pretty young thing Steph, the only one to really stand up to the gruesome twosome and their childish bullying.

Apart from those two sad acts, she was probably the only one who expected her name to be called by Davina, too. The faces of the others told that story quite clearly.

But hey… who will remember Steph now? It’s a cruel game this BB one and the blonde 19-year-old looker will be forgotten just like all those other first-week failures.

It’s a shame, I know. It was fun while it lasted Steph. But them’s the breaks. Honestly, it wasn’t you, it was me.

I just want us to be friends. And that’s the last time I will see you… until we meet in an Essex nightclub, you picking up your £200 appearance D-lister appearance fee for two songs and a snog with Adrian from Crawley on his birthday!

So it’s time to move on and take a look at the odds for the outright winner again.

Cookie-mad Thai Teletubby Kat is 2/1 to beat the rest of the field – but how long will we be able to put up with that screechy voice and those missing Rs?

Kat’s sweet, yes, but only in the same way a stick of rock is sweet. Eat too much and it leaves you rotten, rotten to the core.

No, I can’t see her still being everybody’s cup of tea (with eight sugars) this time next month, let alone in week 13.

So who’s next? Well, it’s chirpy northern Luke (3/1), who I read this week is a wrestling announcer! It’s a strange, old world sometimes. I would have had him down for a white coat and hairnet in an Eccles cake factory in Halifax, but there’s nowt queer as folk, as they say oop north.

Then comes the rest of the field – and at this stage, it might be fun to stick your hand in your pocket and play that field a little.

There’s Blind Mikey (9/2), Albino Darnell (10/1), Straight-and-Narrow Rachel (12/1), Masterchef Rex (14/1), Dishy Dale (16/1), Top-heavy Becky (25/1), Flirty single mum Jen (28\1), Everyone’s mate Mohamed (33/1), Gay dancer Dennis (66/1) and Sultry Sylvia. But this bunch are surely going to be around for another week at least.

That’s because this week it will be between this threesome (and what a horrible thought that is!): undercover shaggers Mario (100/1) and Lisa (80/1) – and the vile (but entertaining) Alex (200/1).

One of these three will go this week to shake it up a bit more – and, of course, there’s always the possibility of NEW HOUSEMATES! Not that I know anything, mind! Honest

Paddy Power will be offering odds on the next eviction just as soon as the nominations are announced.

Story by Richard Hughes

Hey, cat owners! Tired of your pet basically ignoring you and dragging half-dead frogs into your house all the time? Well, why not cover them in sticky tape as a sort of freakish revenge ploy!

That seems to be the gist of this clip, anyway – it looks as if you can really bugger up a cat's ability to walk by strapping a load of sticky tape across its fur. We think – not being able to speak Japanese, we have no idea whether this is a specially-trained tape cat or whether you can make all cats walk around like wankers if you bung a strip of masking tape on their backs. You can always try it on your cat to find out, you know. And video it. And send us the Youtube link. 

And, no, this definitely isn't cruel to cats. Well, it might be a bit cruel. But it's funny. And isn't that more important?