Articles tagged with: Cash Warren
A little girl has been coaxed out of Jessica Alba’s vagina in what scientists are referring to as a ‘birth’. According to the scientists, who have conducted ‘research’, Jessica Alba had sex with her husband, Cash Warren, approximately nine months ago and, as far as hecklerspray can deduce, this is somehow linked to the emergence of the little girl. They have decided to name the little girl Honor Marie Warren. Giving the girl a tag such as this will help to identify her when there are two or more little girls in the same room and in later life people can call out this name in order to get the girl's attention. Pretty smart when you think about it. Saves a lot of faffing.
As the Bible states, "If thou accidentally knock a girl up and can't convince her to get rid of it, thou has to marry her." And if anyone knows that it's Cash Warren, the man who recently managed to get Jessica Alba pregnant. Because, frightened that God would curse the baby with stupidity or - worse still - not looking like Jessica Alba if He found out that the baby was conceived out of wedlock, Jessica Alba and Cash Warren have snuck off and got married. So congratulations to Jessica Alba and Cash Warren. When we get married, we want it to do it in a last-minute panic because an unplanned pregnancy has ruined the rest of our lives, too. That Jessica Alba, she's so lucky.
Having seen several of her films, we thought that the only emotions Jessica Alba could convincingly portray were low-level dimness and moderate-level dimness.
How wrong we were - it turns out that Jessica Alba is also pretty good at ferocious anger, too. Apparently pregnancy hormones have sent Jessica Alba so mental that she keeps throwing her boyfriend Cash Warren out of their house.
At least Jessica Alba is blaming it on the pregnancy hormones, but she should be more honest - if we'd let a man called Cash knock us up we'd be pretty bloody livid too.
Let's see if Jessica Alba can keep topping those 'Most Sexy' lists when she's waddling about on swollen ankles and throwing up every morning - because Jessica Alba is pregnant.
And Jessica Alba is being refreshingly open about being pregnant - her spokesperson has confirmed that in late spring/early summer 2008, Jessica will give birth to a baby fathered by on-off boyfriend Cash Warren. It's a knotty situation for the global army of obsessed male Jessica Alba fans, who now all have to ask themselves if they have the capacity to marry Jessica Alba and raise another man's child as their own if she asked them, before concluding quite quickly that Jessica Alba would probably ask Ian Huntley to raise her children rather than get within a hundred yards of their flabby, lonely sweat-stink for even a second.
