Some places in the world are stymied by plagues of infertility. Take Uganda for instance, people there haven’t had decent sperm for decades.

So it is the rest of us find ourselves burdened with the unwelcome responsibility of literally flooding that country with entire tankers full of viable spooj. It’s a difficult task, and sometimes their Customs inspectors act like they really don’t even need out reproductive juices. In the end their desire to not die out as a people always wins out, and they stamp the paperwork in the right places and wave our caravans on through.

You’re welcome, Uganda.

Casey Aldridge knows what it is to be cursed with incredible fertility. After all – his knocking up of Jamie Lynn Spears is enough to prove that. If current rumors are to be believed, he’s so fertile that he was even risking another woman’s pregnancy while his precious schnooky-pie Spears was a plump 6 months pregnant.

Like we said, if rumors are to be believed.

Kelli Dawson is a 28 year old woman who wants nothing more than to attend a good prom and pretend like the night will never end. We’ve seen pictures of her, and think she’d look really nice wearing something with poofy green sleeves. Just an idea Kelli, you can wear what you like on your special night.

We actually don’t know if attending more proms is something she really looks forward to, but what we do know is it seems to have been a real possibility in the recent past – she claims to have been ‘hot & heavy’ with young Casey Aldridge while his man-milk magically multiplied into a baby deep inside Jamie Lynn Spears’ pink fortress.

As Monsters & Critics words things:

“Kelli Dawson, a 28 year-old who is the alleged “other woman” is talking about her relationship with Jamie Lynn’s man in the tabloids. Dawson says she met 19 year-old Casey back in November 2006 at the home of her sister. Casey was already dating Jamie Lynn, but according to Dawson that did not matter, they had sexual chemistry.”

You can’t deny love like that, can you? It’s like Antony and Cleopatra, its like that one prince and the Little Mermaid, its like Bruce Boxleitner and Ra, all powerful Egyptian god of the sun. It’s a love for the ages, destined to inspire poets & painters alike. And what specifically will inspire? Stories like this one – a quote from Dawson’s own mouth, according to In Touch Weekly:

“One morning, he called and asked me to meet him in town. I said, ‘You’re supposed to be on a flight right now,’ and he said, ‘I’m not going.’ He called Jamie Lynn and told her that she would have to go by herself. She was irate. I think she knew he was staying because of me.”

Quick! Somebody fetch us a quill, some Indian ink, and a piece of parchment with a delicately frayed border! We’ve got some rhymes a-formin’!

If Jamie Lynn Spears' life was an episode of Maury – which it isn't, yet – it'd probably be called I'm A Pregnant Teenager And My Boyfriend Cheated On Me Even Though I Don't Know If He's The Father Or Not Yet.

Because, keen to make sure she lives up to the staggering level of personal ineptitude that her big sister is so fond of, Jamie Lynn Spears is determined to make her pregnancy one of the worst stage-managed in all of history. We've already had the outrage about Jamie Lynn Spears getting pregnant at 16, then the outrage about statutory rape, and now it's time for some fresh outrage, this time about the way that Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend Casey Aldridge is a 'lying cheating dog' who can't stop getting other girls pregnant. Not enough for you? OK, well what about Jamie Lynn Spears not knowing if Casey Aldridge is actually the father of her baby anyway? Better? Thought so.

Despite what people tell you, pregnancy's a piece of cake. All it involves is a bit of accidentally unsafe sex, nine months of eating coal and – bish bash bosh – there's a baby at the end of it. It's easy. But you wouldn't think that to see Jamie Lynn Spears lumbering through her pregnancy like some sort of clueless moron.

Jamie Lynn Spears is just a few months into her pregnancy, and she's already made a right pig's ear of it. Screaming 'I'm Pregnant' from the cover of a magazine before you've told all of your family is never the best way to start things off, but somehow things have managed to spiral downhill even further from there.

First Jamie Lynn Spears' babydaddy Casey Aldridge split up with her, and then he wanted to marry her, and then everyone wanted to arrest him for statutory rape, and then Mary J Blige was all like "you go girl!" which didn't help anyone in the slightest, and now it's been claimed that Casey Aldridge keeps cheating on Jamie Lynn Spears even though nobody knows if he's even the father of the baby or not.

Let's start with the 'Casey Aldridge cheating' thing. A friend of Jamie Lynn Spears has said that Casey can't stop cheating, is cheating on her now and had even got another girl pregnant last year. Bear in mind that if this source really is a friend of Jamie Lynn Spears then she's clearly a teenage girl and therefore probably got all this information from some Tippexed graffiti on a pencil case she saw during double science when Mr Barming had his back turned to check the bunsen burners:

“I think Casey is a serial cheater who has lied to Jamie Lynn and betrayed her time and time again. Even though I’m sure she knows in her heart that Casey’s a lying, cheating dog, Jamie Lynn is head over heels in love with him. She continues to take him back regardless of how awful he treats her. This past spring Casey was forced to tell Jamie Lynn that he’d cheated on her and gotten that girl pregnant. Jamie Lynn was devastated. She swore Casey out of her life forever.”

But then, the source goes on to blather, Jamie Lynn took Casey back the second that the pregnant girl miscarried, only to discover that Casey's apparently 'sneaking around' with someone inexplicably called Whitney Seals even though Jamie Lynn is pregnant – but is Casey Aldridge the father? An insider speaking to Page Six doesn't seem to think so:

"We have been hearing increasing rumors that Casey is not the baby's father. Jamie Lynn will not tell anyone who the actual father is…. Apparently [Jamie Lynn’s mother] Lynne is trying to cover the truth of it by making an arrangement with Casey. They may be paying him to pose as Jamie Lynn’s boyfriend and the father of her baby in order to protect her and her future.”

So what's the truth here? We're arsed if we know, but excited too. After all, if Jamie Lynn Spears can squeeze in uncertain paternity, infidelity, marriage, a split and statutory rape murmurs into three short months of pregnancy, what on earth should we expect from the next six? One thing's for sure – if this isn't building to a climax featuring the birth of a giant robot lizard with laser eyes then we're going to be sorely disappointed. Or apathetic.

Probably apathetic. 

Read more:

Jamie Lynn’s baby-daddy a ‘lying, cheating dog’ – MSNBC 

Casey: NOT the Father? – PageSix 

Creepy sterile men, form an orderly queue – Jamie Lynn Spears, the newly-pregnant 16-year-old sister of Britney Spears, might very well be back on the market.

Less than 24 hours after Jamie Lynn Spears announced to the world via OK! magazine that a boy she met at church had knocked her up, it's looking increasingly like the pregnancy has driven a wedge between her and the baby's father Casey Aldridge. Yesterday Casey Aldridge took to his MySpace page to poetically express the profound complexity of young love torn asunder by sudden biological maturity. In other words, Casey changed his mood to 'Blah' and listed his status as 'Me and Jamie are over '. It's hard to know how Jamie Lynn Spears will react to such a poignant display of heartbreak, although experts are guessing it'll either be :'( or x_x depending on how heavily the hormones are kicking in.

Despite everything else that's happened, 2007 will be seen as the year that teenage childrens' TV stars went bad. Obviously Vanessa Hudgens is the architect of this trend, and Hannah Montana the disappointing follow-up, but it looks like all the thunder has been stolen by Jamie Lynn Spears, the newly-crowned queen of sexually irresponsible youth.

Jamie Lynn Spears was almost there yesterday when she told the world that she was pregnant at 16, but there was something in her way. After all, you can't be the queen of sexually irresponsible youth if you met the boy who got you pregnant at church when you were 11 and have been going steady with him ever since. That's just a bit too, you know, stable – especially from a Spears girl. Jamie Lynn Spears should have got knocked by a grubby middle-aged travelling biker in a public lavatory, and she knows it. The girl has a family reputation to uphold.

It's too late for that to happen, though, which is why Jamie Lynn Spears has done the next best thing and split up with Casey Aldridge, the father of her unborn tot. Yesterday Casey went onto his MySpace page to drop the following bombshell in his status bar. You should probably try reading the following in a 'blah' voice, by the way, because that's how Casey describes his mood:

"Me and Jamie are over "

Nobody knows what caused Jamie Lynn Spears and Casey Aldridge to split up, although the fact that she's having a baby and he probably hasn't learnt to shave yet might offer the smallest of clues. It must be an impossibly upsetting time for both Jamie Lynn and Casey, but Casey has resolved to throw himself into work as hard as he can – those newspapers will have never been delivered so intensely.

That's if this split story is true, of course – it's just as likely that Casey is trying to throw the media off ahead of his stint as a contestant on the brand-new reality TV show America's Next Top Potential Statutory Rapist.

And maybe being single is what's best for Jamie Lynn Spears now, especially as the pregnancy has flushed her career down the crapper. After all, pregnant schoolchildren are ten a penny these days, but pregnant single schoolchildren? That's enough to keep Jamie Lynn Spears in lucrative Jeremy Kyle guest-spots for the rest of her life. 

Read more: 

Jamie Lynn Spears' love split – Monsters And Critics 

You have to hand it to Jamie Lynn Spears – not many 16-year-old girls would try and take the heat off their messed-up older sisters by getting themselves pregnant at a ridiculously young age.

But that's just the kind of socially-conscientious girl Jamie Lynn Spears is. Now that her older sister Britney Spears is being heralded by many as the world's most famous bad mother, Jamie Lynn wants to have a go, too – so she's announced to the world via OK! magazine that she's 12 weeks pregnant with a baby fathered by her long-term boyfriend Casey Aldridge. News of Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy might seem like the Spears family has now reached critical mass when it comes to sexual irresponsibility, but you haven't seen anything yet – the cover of next week's Us Weekly consists of a close-up photo of baby Sean Preston's face alongside the quote "Dude! I Totally Knocked Up 15 Thai Sluts Last Week!"

Remember when we told you that Britney Spears' mother was writing a parenting guide? Well, our advice to you would be don't buy it. Don't even look at it. In fact, don't even think about the Spears family parenting guide, because we're starting to get the impression that if the thought of it even creeps into your mind for even a second, then all your children will instantly get pregnant regardless of their age, fertility or gender. Either that or they'll become petty shoplifters. Either way, it's nothing to brag to your friends about at the bus stop.

Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old sister of everyone's favourite befuddlingly clueless vagina model Britney Spears, has announced to the world that she's pregnant. And before she's even a high school senior, too! See, Hannah Montana? That's how you do teenage pregnancies right.

Anyway – details. Apparently, according to the screaming front cover of OK! magazine, Jamie Lynn Spears is 12 weeks pregnant and the father is long-term church-met boyfriend Casey Aldridge. Jamie Lynn Spears decided to tell her mother that she was pregnant at Thanksgiving, something that went down about as well as could be expected:

"I told my parents and my friends. I was scared, but I had to do what was right for me. [Mom] was very upset because it wasn't what she expected at all. A week after, she had time to cope with it and became very supportive… I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait. But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."  

Hilariously, it looks as if Jamie Lynn Spears hadn't bothered to inform Britney Spears that she was pregnant. Last night she was still screaming at reporters that her sister wasn't pregnant, even though newsstands were full of pictures of Jamie Lynn saying that was at exactly the same time.

However, we're sure that once she's spoken to Jamie Lynn, Britney will do everything she can to help her little sister through the transition into motherhood. Britney is a world expert on how to drive children around dangerously and a foremost authority on the best way to spook your kids by farting, crying and babbling in a made-up language at them, remember. That sort of stuff is invaluable.

So Jamie Lynn Spears is happy that she's pregnant, her mother is happy that she's pregnant, Britney Spears will be happy that she's pregnant as soon as she finds out and Casey Aldridge is so happy that he's probably trying to start a new life in Mexico under an assumed identity as we speak – but what about Nickelodeon? Jamie Lynn Spears is the star of the network's show Zoey 101, and it's bound to be a headache to have a teen sitcom star suddenly swelling up like an infected wound in front of a confused audience of children. But here's Nickelodeon's take on the pregnancy:

"We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being."

"Well, that and trying to work out how we can sack her and replace her with a sterilised 13-year-old lookalike," the company added under its breath when nobody was listening.

So what now for Jamie Lynn Spears. Having a child means that all her free time will be spent raising it, which puts her professional life in jeopardy. Oh, who are we kidding – she'll be signed up to High School Musical 3 by the end of the day. 

Read more:

Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney's Sister, Is Pregnant - MTV