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At the 2011 Cannes Film Festival, Drive was loved so much that, when the movie finally finished, everyone leapt to their feet to give it a standing ovation. A film. A standing ovation.
One can only assume that this ovation must have been like the tears cried by a hostage when they receive a rare moment of kindness. That’s because Drive is one of the most overrated films on Earth right now.
Only a complete, dithering simpleton would dare disagree.
Cars. Automobiles. Vehicles. Things with engines. On four wheels (sometimes three) that often get covered in ice during winter and, if you get leather seats, are too hot to sit in during the summer. Yes, our four wheeled friends are so much a part of our everyday life that it takes the release of Disney Pixar’s ‘Cars’ to actually make us consider the fact that cars might have feelings too.
Which they don’t.
And that’s a good thing because if certain cars had feelings they would almost certainly see themselves as hideous, nutrient-guzzling windbags with no friends either on the road or in the driveway. It would likely drive them to self harm, presumably by slashing their own tires while sitting in a puddle. Who knows? It’s rarely a good idea to personify inanimate objects too far as they are likely to take on a terrifying edge the next time you clamber into one to pop down to the shops.
Strength! Something that is always to be admired, right? We like our toilet paper to be strong enough to hold fruit while under a running tap and we really appreciate old Atlas holding the Earth up for us so we don’t plummet through space toward an icy death.
Naturally, with great strength comes huge responsibility. If you could lift a building up and lob it into the sea, while that would be fantastically impressive, it wouldn’t be a particularly nice thing to do, especially if there were people inside minding their own business, having their tea.
However, wilful destruction is sometimes a hoot! How about a car that can yank a chimney to the floor? That sounds like fun doesn’t it?
Presenter, pertrolhead, slipper wearer, tall chap and all round good egg James May has been hospitalised after a severe head injury while filming for Top Gear’s Christmas Special.
The floppy haired one took a tumble while filming Top Gear’s attempt to drive from Baghdad to Bethlehem, presumably an exploding caravan was involved, or an expensive supercar, or something phenomenally fast. Or maybe just a bit of rope.
Yes, we’ve checked. It was a bit of rope. Read More >>>
This is awkward. Despite currently resembling the bastard child of River Phoenix and Alanis Morissette it seems Ed Furlong has gotten himself married without anyone really realising. Not only that, but the straight-to-dvd ‘star’ has been howling-at-the-moon crazy for so long it’s a wonder he’s still at liberty.
And we’ve overlooked it. Give us a break. Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen have been keeping us busy.
But it turns out he’s nuttier than the both of them, squared. Read More >>>
There are plenty of places you don’t want to see DMX – like in a movie, for example. Actually, mainly a movie. Seriously, have you seen Father Of Lies?
But one other place where you don’t want to see DMX is anywhere where he has access to a car. Because, by christ, DMX is a titting maniac when he gets behind the wheel of a car. DMX has already been arrested perhaps a million times in the past for driving like a berserk twonk, and now he’s flipping well at it again.
DMX has been arrested for bombing up and down an Arizona freeway at 114mph. There’s just something so warmly familiar about hearing that DMX has been driving like a dickhead again, isn’t there? It’s like putting on a comfortable pair of slippers, albeit a large metal and glass pair of slippers on wheels that are being driven by a monumental turdhole.
