Not Paul McCartney, though, now that his divorce is finalised, he's flown off to the Caribbean to jam his tongue down the throat of his American millionaire friend Nancy Shevell in front of some probably fairly nauseated holidaymakers.

So congratulations to Paul McCartney for moving on. True, Nancy Shevell might not regularly scream the word 'paedophile!' on breakfast TV in a funny voice, nor did she embark on a gruesome 1980s soft-porn career, not does her mouth wriggle sinisterly up one side of her face when she tries to smile, but Paul McCartney was never going to hit the jackpot twice in a row, was he?

Paul McCartney suits the role of husband very nicely, doesn't he? That's partly because he's been almost constantly married for the best part of the last 50 years, and partly because the idea of Paul McCartney's old man fingers creeping seductively towards a woman's bra creeps us the hell out. Mostly the last one, in fact. Imagine Paul McCartney whispering come-ons into your ear. Imagine it. Yeuuurgh.

Anyway, while we may physically shudder at the thought of Paul McCartney putting his hands all over our body like some sort of very old pervert, one person who doesn't is Nancy Shevell. You remember, Nancy Shevell, the woman who Paul McCartney possibly got all kissy kissy with last autumn. Millionaire. American. Young enough to just about be his daughter. You remember.

We thought that Paul McCartney was through with Nancy Shevell about the time that he put the moves on that Arquette woman, but now it's emerged that Paul has flown Nancy to an exclusive resort in the Caribbean to regale her with stories about what John Lennon was like until she lets him put his mouth on her tit. The Mirror reports:

One witness told the Mirror: "They were kissing each other passionately, giggling and smooching just like any other couple in the throes of a new relationship. They were so wrapped up in each other they seemed oblivious to everyone else. Paul certainly wasn't behaving like a world-famous rock star who has been battling a bitter divorce. He seemed like your average middle-aged man keen to impress his girlfriend. The only difference was that he was regaling her with tales of his days on the road with Britain's biggest band. Nancy seemed to be hanging on his every word."

We'd like to think that, after the trauma of his marriage to Heather Mills, Paul McCartney will spend a lot of time in private with Nancy Shevell reacquainting himself with what love feels like again. She seems a lot more suited to him than Heather did – plus every second that Paul McCartney spends with Nancy Shevell is a second that he can't close any ten-a-penny high-profile musical events with a godawful 35-minute singalong version of Hey Jude.

It's perfect – everyone wins. Well, everyone except for Nancy Shevell. But give her an injection of Chloroprocaine, a blindfold and a piece of wood to bite down on and she won't even feel a thing.

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Sir Paul McCartney and new girl Nancy Shevell frolick on beach – Mirror