For some reason, we’ve credited you slobs with some intelligence. Christ knows why. We’ve read the comments you leave. Either way, some of you ain’t so bad. Some of you have probably only seen Jersey Shore out of morbid curiosity.
If you watched it, you probably thought ‘By Jove! This is faker than Kim Kardashian’s wedding!‘
If you’ve been watching the antics of Snooki & Co, thinking that it’s BLATES REAL (or whatever you wobbling colostomy bags say these days), then we’ve got news for you. And someone with more spare time has made a video which proves it. OKAY?
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You know Jersey Shore? That’s right – the thing you can blame dreck like Geordie Shore and The Only Way Is Essex on. Well, one of the stars of the show – The Situation – is a monumental penis who has somehow weaselled his way into the VIP section.
So all is well? Not quite.
See, while he’s the star of a hit MTV show, some people aren’t so taken with him. Despite the free advertising that comes with appearing on a widely watched show, Abercrombie & Fitch have posted a statement on their website asking Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino to stop wearing their clothes. That’s how much they hate him.
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Mr. Bean is always getting into scrapes isn’t he? Remember that thing he did and it was really funny? He made that funny ‘dawp’ noise? Well, even though he’s not on television anymore, he’s still at it, this time, crashing a high performance sports vehicle!
What a japester!
He’s crashed it in such a hilarious manner that he’s had to go to hospital. The doctors and nurses must be gathered around his hilarious frame, beside themselves with mirth as he tries to form basic vowel sounds to relay the fact he’s in crippling pain. Oh how we wish we could be there! It’s probably the funniest thing happening on Earth right now! This is nearly as funny as when Rick from The Young Ones had a quad land on his head!
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You know Khloé Kardashian right? She’s the one who got her boob out on TV. She’s the one who makes us angry because we have to put an accent on her name. She’s the… uh… she’s one of the Kardashians. Those guys. The identical rich women who totter around doing… uh… y’know… famous shit.
So what famous things is Khloé doing now? Well, she’s showing excellent celebrity sympathy after her husband killed someone with the Butterfly Effect. No, KK’s husband, Lamar Odom, didn’t lob the DVD case of Ashton Kutcher’s ‘The Butterfly Effect’ at someone ’til they died. Owners of that particular movie are more likely to take the casing to themselves in a hope to end the ordeal of having watched such an awful, awful movie.
What has actually happened here is that Odom has managed to play dominoes with vehicles, seeing some poor sod getting killed at the end of the cause-and-effect.
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While we like to deal mainly in crass joke, poor taste and hearsay, there’s something rather unsettling to the response to Ryan Dunn’s untimely death. Of course, by now you’ll know that he died in a car-crash, with Dunn and another passenger dying on a road in Pennsylvania.
Perhaps it shouldn’t come as a surprise that one of the Jackass team should meet an untimely end. Collectively, they had such wilful disregard for their own safety and a need to seek a thrill, that at some point, one of them was going to go too far.
And it certainly appears that the car which Dunn travelled in was speeding, reportedly leaving the road at 110mph, which is clearly reckless and dangerous… but that’s no surprise coming from someone who entered the Gumball rallies and earned money from jumping into sewerage and having toys inserted into his anus. However, with his corpse barely cold, people are already looking to defame Dunn, which, even by our low standards, seems in very poor taste.
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Okay. This is weirdly sad news. The only wholly likeable one from Jackass, Ryan Dunn, is reportedly dead. No-one expected that and now our collective faces don’t quite know what to do. It has been reported that Dunn died in a car crash in Pennsylvania early this morning.
The story has been confirmed with Bam Margera’s mother, who of course, is the Aunt of Dunn.
As we don’t know what to do in times of grief, we tend to make jokes. However, because this is weird, we can’t quite form them properly. Suffice to say, they revolved around ‘at least he won’t have to put up with Bam anymore’ and something to do with a toy car being shoved into his colon.
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Snooki – a cross between a shaved Har Mar Superstar and a tin of off-creosote – is, once again, being filmed for some vapid, gaspingly bad television programme for MTV, the music channel that doesn’t show any music videos.
And while shooting (with cameras, not guns sadly) the fourth season of Jersey Shore this weekend, good ol’ Snooki managed to crash into a police car that was accompanying them, injuring two officers.
The astonishing thing there is, of course, that Snooki has enough faculties to actually have a legal driving license. Beggars belief.
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Juliette Lewis is a strange lady isn’t she? She’s part actor, part singer in a rock band and, weirdest of all, not particularly attractive yet still quite fanciable. Sadly, she’s a Scientologist which means she’s dafter than a rucksack full of eye balls.
To her list of achievements, you can now add ‘injured in a hit-and-run crash’.
Yep, Lewis has been involved in an accident in Burbank, police said. So was Lewis hammered on Thetan juice behind the wheel, crashing into Scientology naysayers? Read More >>>
