Articles tagged with: car
With Video: America’s Next Top Cattle Stampede
America's Next Top Model is known for two things - delaying the credits for a full sixty minutes even though nothing seems to be happening, and sometimes ripping off that 24 show. Surely that last bit confused you - we're talking about the various bomb configurations Top Model management always forces their contestants to run from. As we understand it, this is an excellent way to tell if they're still photogenic while they think they're going to die. Take their recent bomb scare, for instance - it happened at a casting call, and let us tell you - most of those girls seemed very un-poised.
America's Next Top Model is known for two things - delaying the credits for a full sixty minutes even though nothing seems to be happening, and sometimes ripping off that 24 show. Surely that last bit confused you - we're talking about the various bomb configurations Top Model management always forces their contestants to run from. As we understand it, this is an excellent way to tell if they're still photogenic while they think they're going to die. Take their recent bomb scare, for instance - it happened at a casting call, and let us tell you - most of those girls seemed very un-poised.
Science And Technology Used To Track Simon Cowell’s Every Dull Movement
The only reason, and we do mean the only reason, we'd ever be seen following Simon Cowell all over town is if we'd gotten reliable word that there's a fist-sized diamond lodged somewhere inside him, and he's carrying a lunch-pale chock full of old fruit. If that were the case, we'd follow him alright - but still only if he looked kinda like he was walking with his knees hinged together. He'd never know we were tailing him though - because we have three different disguises to choose from. Two of them are Russian themed, and the third is a girl-Bugs Bunny. Not everybody is so stealthy - like the paparazzo who stuck a tracking device on Cowell's undercarriage.
The only reason, and we do mean the only reason, we'd ever be seen following Simon Cowell all over town is if we'd gotten reliable word that there's a fist-sized diamond lodged somewhere inside him, and he's carrying a lunch-pale chock full of old fruit. If that were the case, we'd follow him alright - but still only if he looked kinda like he was walking with his knees hinged together. He'd never know we were tailing him though - because we have three different disguises to choose from. Two of them are Russian themed, and the third is a girl-Bugs Bunny. Not everybody is so stealthy - like the paparazzo who stuck a tracking device on Cowell's undercarriage.
Keanu Reeves Didn’t Run Over No Stinking Paparazzi
Like many people, we've often dreamt of jiggling around flashing lights into Keanu Reeves' face as he attempts to drive a car. But we've been too scared to do that, because of that paparazzo who claimed that Keanu Reeves mercilessly mowed him down while he was doing that exact same thing. But our days of worry are far behind us, readers - Keanu Reeves has been cleared of liability over the accident. You know what that means? It means that Keanu Reeves didn't run over photographer Alison Silva last year, yes, but mainly it means that we're all allowed to be as infuriatingly intrusive towards Keanu Reeves while he's in his car as we like, and he almost certainly won't drive into us as fast as he can, shattering our pelvis into a million pieces. Almost certainly. Result!
Like many people, we've often dreamt of jiggling around flashing lights into Keanu Reeves' face as he attempts to drive a car. But we've been too scared to do that, because of that paparazzo who claimed that Keanu Reeves mercilessly mowed him down while he was doing that exact same thing. But our days of worry are far behind us, readers - Keanu Reeves has been cleared of liability over the accident. You know what that means? It means that Keanu Reeves didn't run over photographer Alison Silva last year, yes, but mainly it means that we're all allowed to be as infuriatingly intrusive towards Keanu Reeves while he's in his car as we like, and he almost certainly won't drive into us as fast as he can, shattering our pelvis into a million pieces. Almost certainly. Result!
Shia LaBeouf Far Too Adorable To Be Charged With DUI
Wow, this really is a lucky escape for Shia LaBeouf - every single copy of his bad new movie Eagle Eye has been destroyed in a fire. Only kidding. In reality Shia LaBeouf has had another kind of lucky escape that's less lucky than nobody being able to ever watch that rubbish new film of his but still lucky nonetheless - he won't be charged for DUI after flipping his car upside down a few months ago. It's not all good news, though, because Shia could still lose his licence for up to nine months, because he refused to submit to a breathalyzer test. Worse still, Shia LaBeouf's crash-mangled hand means that the only movies that he's currently being considered for are The Jeremy Beadle Story, Jeremy Beadle Goes To Outer Space and a little-known erotic thriller entitled Let Me Lick Your Wrist-Nub.
Wow, this really is a lucky escape for Shia LaBeouf - every single copy of his bad new movie Eagle Eye has been destroyed in a fire. Only kidding. In reality Shia LaBeouf has had another kind of lucky escape that's less lucky than nobody being able to ever watch that rubbish new film of his but still lucky nonetheless - he won't be charged for DUI after flipping his car upside down a few months ago. It's not all good news, though, because Shia could still lose his licence for up to nine months, because he refused to submit to a breathalyzer test. Worse still, Shia LaBeouf's crash-mangled hand means that the only movies that he's currently being considered for are The Jeremy Beadle Story, Jeremy Beadle Goes To Outer Space and a little-known erotic thriller entitled Let Me Lick Your Wrist-Nub.
Katie Price Maintains Her Classy, Unblemished Image
When Americans think of 'classiness', they pretty much think of Britain's beloved Royal family. Granted they don't actually do much apart from shoot peasants, laugh at the poor and eat huge slices of swan pie stuffed with £50 notes, but that doesn't matter. Sadly the illusion that the general British public speak like the Queen are usually shattered. Enter a typical London market place and instead of hearing "would you like some apples?" you'll get "Eearrrrrrrrrrrrrr youuuuuuuu. Wanna buy sommmmmmme aaaaapples to gooooooo wiv da stairs?" Tourists will also be shocked by the amount of people pissing in the street, vomiting into hats and having sex in cars. Just ask Katie Price and her schizophrenic alter-ego Jordan how it feels. It happened to her the other day with her plasticine lover Peter Andre.
When Americans think of 'classiness', they pretty much think of Britain's beloved Royal family. Granted they don't actually do much apart from shoot peasants, laugh at the poor and eat huge slices of swan pie stuffed with £50 notes, but that doesn't matter. Sadly the illusion that the general British public speak like the Queen are usually shattered. Enter a typical London market place and instead of hearing "would you like some apples?" you'll get "Eearrrrrrrrrrrrrr youuuuuuuu. Wanna buy sommmmmmme aaaaapples to gooooooo wiv da stairs?" Tourists will also be shocked by the amount of people pissing in the street, vomiting into hats and having sex in cars. Just ask Katie Price and her schizophrenic alter-ego Jordan how it feels. It happened to her the other day with her plasticine lover Peter Andre.
Drew Barrymore Chases Driver Who Rammed Her Car, Kills Him. Doesn’t Kill Him.
As Jeremy Thomas, Tom Green, Jane Pratt, Fabrizio Moretti & the people in charge of food on the set of Music & Lyrics might tell you, Drew Barrymore's bad side is not a place you want to be. Justin Long might tell you that too, but give him a week or so. And why don't you want to incur her anger? because if you do she'll chase you down, pounce on your right shoulder and suck your heart out through a hole she bites in the back of your neck. That was actually a recurring dream we had for most of the sixth grade. We still can't watch her films without trembling. Another person who will probably never be able to stand the sight of her again (especially enlarged like that on the silver screen), is the guy that just made her the victim of a hit and run. He didn't get away. She chased him in her car at speeds in excess of 35 mph. Hey - we're serious here.
As Jeremy Thomas, Tom Green, Jane Pratt, Fabrizio Moretti & the people in charge of food on the set of Music & Lyrics might tell you, Drew Barrymore's bad side is not a place you want to be. Justin Long might tell you that too, but give him a week or so. And why don't you want to incur her anger? because if you do she'll chase you down, pounce on your right shoulder and suck your heart out through a hole she bites in the back of your neck. That was actually a recurring dream we had for most of the sixth grade. We still can't watch her films without trembling. Another person who will probably never be able to stand the sight of her again (especially enlarged like that on the silver screen), is the guy that just made her the victim of a hit and run. He didn't get away. She chased him in her car at speeds in excess of 35 mph. Hey - we're serious here.
Britney Spears In Yet Another Godforsaken Car Crash
Looks like this is the week for Britney Spears to revisit her old tricks. First Britney Spears sauntered back onto the set of How I Met Your Mother for her much-heralded follow-up cameo and now she's started crashing her car again with all the wild abandon you'd expect from a recovering psychiatric patient who's too unfit to look after her own children. It's been reported that Britney Spears yesterday ploughed her Mercedes into the back of another woman's car near Sunset Boulevard. Nobody was hurt in the crash, but we should all be aware of the wider implications of this; if Britney Spears really is revisiting her old tricks then everyone needs to take cover right away before she starts waggling her grotty old flim-flam around all willy-nilly again.
Looks like this is the week for Britney Spears to revisit her old tricks. First Britney Spears sauntered back onto the set of How I Met Your Mother for her much-heralded follow-up cameo and now she's started crashing her car again with all the wild abandon you'd expect from a recovering psychiatric patient who's too unfit to look after her own children. It's been reported that Britney Spears yesterday ploughed her Mercedes into the back of another woman's car near Sunset Boulevard. Nobody was hurt in the crash, but we should all be aware of the wider implications of this; if Britney Spears really is revisiting her old tricks then everyone needs to take cover right away before she starts waggling her grotty old flim-flam around all willy-nilly again.
Sandra Bullock Still Making Rubbish-Looking Film Despite Crash
Few of us can imagine the horror of not being injured in a laughably minor car crash with a 20mph drunkard, but Sandra Bullock is obviously special. And although Sandra Bullock probably still has trouble sleeping after Saturday night's accident, because every time she closes her eyes she's presented with the terrifying vision of a tipsy lady manoeuvring her car towards her very slowly indeed, she's not letting the shunt affect her work schedule. Truly the woman deserves a medal. Sandra Bullock has refused to let her 20mph not-really death-smash get in the way of her new movie The Proposal, a warning if there ever was one that not even irresponsible drivers can stop Sandra Bullock from making identical romantic comedies that you can accurately guess the ending to just by reading their titles. Better luck next time, dangerous boozehounds.
Few of us can imagine the horror of not being injured in a laughably minor car crash with a 20mph drunkard, but Sandra Bullock is obviously special. And although Sandra Bullock probably still has trouble sleeping after Saturday night's accident, because every time she closes her eyes she's presented with the terrifying vision of a tipsy lady manoeuvring her car towards her very slowly indeed, she's not letting the shunt affect her work schedule. Truly the woman deserves a medal. Sandra Bullock has refused to let her 20mph not-really death-smash get in the way of her new movie The Proposal, a warning if there ever was one that not even irresponsible drivers can stop Sandra Bullock from making identical romantic comedies that you can accurately guess the ending to just by reading their titles. Better luck next time, dangerous boozehounds.
