In the first 2 weeks of the Apprentice we saw the candidates tackle Bangers and Beaches. This week our intrepid job-seekers took on another couple of words starting with the letter b, namely baking and boredom.

Lord Sugar told his gaggle of personality deficient buzzword soundboards that they had to go about, “turning flour into serious dough.”

What followed was an hour of television that was less interesting and engaging than waiting in line at Greggs.

Jedward/Bulldog hybrid Melissa and constantly ignored Joanna were sent over to Synergy, with the incredibly dynamic Chris and some doctor named Shibby going the other way. Lord Sugar claimed this was to stop all the bickering, but the truth is it was probably an attempt to stop Laura from crying every 2 minutes.

Then some baking happened, or something, someone got upset and project manager Melissa managed to spend the entire task not actually answering a single question or being able to use a calculator properly.

The only glimmer of excitement came when Apollo project manager, Dr Shibman, had to go tell an hotelier that he’d only managed to make 16 of the 1000 bread rolls he’d ordered. But there was no bust up, no fireworks and nothing even resembling entertainment.

Laura didn’t even cry, that’s how dull this task was!

After what seemed like an eternity of bad bread based puns and whinging by serial job-dodger Sandeesh about having to bake bread, ON A BAKING TASK, we got to the boardroom. Where one team was predictably deemed the winner on the basis they made more of a profit than the other team. Hooray for them.

By now all of the candidates had gelled into one useless, grey entity that excretes white noise and words you’d usually see on a power-point presentation from your bank manager. This made it impossible to tell who actually won, all that anyone could really be certain of is that the Shib-daddy proved to be the most incapable of the lot and was summarily fired for achieving such an incredible feat.

At least in Greggs there’s a chance you might see a punch up.

Best Moment: Stuart stroking a snake whilst surrounded by dancing girls. No! Not like that! Get your mind out of the gutter you perverts!

Worst Moment: Shibby telling the hotelier that he should advise his customers to go on the Atkins diet, after he failed to deliver 984 of the 1000 bread rolls that were ordered.

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This could be Hillary Clinton's last week of trying to be the next American president, so now's the time to bring out the big guns.

Well, alright – not the big guns exactly. But at least the elderly, debauched, paunchy guns have been wheeled out. And by that we plainly mean Jack Nicholson. 

Ahead of this week's vital Ohio and Texas primaries, Jack Nicholson has put together a campaign video of him in some of his most famous roles to drum up support for Hillary Clinton. And we're sure Jack's pro-Hillary message will get through to the two or three people who saw it and didn't cack themselves at the sight of the drunk-looking, growling, dishevelled jowl-monster who pops up at the end like the obese ghost of your abusive grandfather.

Hillary Clinton is in serious trouble. Convinced that she'd finish off her rival Barack Obama early, she threw everything she had at Super Tuesday and has since struggled to get a foothold in the running again when that tactic didn't pay off. Worse still, her Tony Soprano impersonation is just awful.

Meanwhile Barack Obama has all the momentum in the Democratic candidacy race. He hasn't just captured the youth vote like few others before him, but he's also captured the smelly old hippy vote as well, creating a deadly pincer-style movement hinged on recreational drug use and a staunch rebellion against tucking shirts into trousers. There's no way that Hillary Clinton can match strategic campaigning power like that. Or is there? 

Tomorrow sees Hillary Clinton's last meaningful throw of the dice, with hugely important primaries in Ohio and Texas. If she loses them to Obama, she'll come under more pressure than ever to withdraw from the race. These are desperate times, and desperate times call for desperate measures, and nothing is more desperate than getting Jack Nicholson to endorse you by cobbling together a YouTube video made up of old films he's been in. The Associated Press reports:

Nicholson, who is backing Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton for president, took his endorsement to the Internet on Saturday with a humorous collection of clips that put his support into the mouths of his most film famous characters. "And now folks, it's time for who do you trust. Hubba, hubba, hubba. Money, money, money," Nicholson, as The Joker, asks his audience in the video titled "Jack and Hill." Then he goes on to make it clear he puts his in Clinton.

This heavy-handed show of political support is a slight departure for Jack Nicholson. Usually Jack Nicholson only speaks in public when young actors suddenly die and it reminds him of when he nearly drove a car off a cliff once, because at all other times he's running round the back of a speedboat trying to slap the arses of girls a third of his age who don't mind that a saggy old man is molesting them because he might buy them a car.

Oh, we've teased you for long enough. Here is is – the Jack Nicholson Hillary Clinton campaign video…

We know, we're just as relieved as you that there weren't any scenes of Jack Nicholson waggling his strap-on cock around. Maybe he's saving that for when semi-humorous viral clips fail and the time for direct threats of dildo-based violence comes. So Wednesday, then.

Still, at least we know now that "there is nothing on this earth sexier than a woman you have to salute in the morning." Which was certainly true of that well-known busty sexpot Margaret Thatcher. Right boys? Boys? Where are you going? Boys?

Read more:

Nicholson Films Make Case for Clinton – AP