Pint Sized Canadian Pop Prince, Justin Bieber, really is the gift that just keeps on giving.

Fresh from “definitely” fathering a love child in a sweaty 30-second romp with a woman whose testimony is as reliable as that of Dr. Conrad Murray, Bieber has decided to, once again, showcase how empty the space between his ears is on national television.

Bieber’s lack of geographical knowledge was previously showcased on television in New Zealand, when he admitted, in a somewhat uncomfortable and borderline racist moment, that they don’t have the word German in America.

But now he’s taken his ignorance to the next level, by going on the David Letterman show and failing to be able to name all 7 of the Earth’s continents.

Justin had stated to Letterman that he believed he had performed on every continent, only to have the late night legend challenge him to name the continents he has performed on.

Asia, North America, South America. Boom, Bieber was almost half way there, but after that strong start he began to struggle. After a few seconds he pulled Africa out of the bag and quickly followed it up with Antarctica.

But that’s where the knowledge train de-railed and Bieber began to clutch at straws. His next 2 answers were The North Pole and Canada, neither of which are actually continents, just in case you didn’t already know.

Thanks to a little prompting by Letterman, Bieber was able to just about struggle his way to the end of the list, although he did refer to Oceana/Australasia as just Australia, so even after being handed the answers he still managed to get it wrong, Letterman obviously overlooked this glaring error in order to keep the show moving, otherwise he’d have been there all week. Pedantic? Us? Never.

We’ve included the video of the bumbling Bieber’s inability to name the 7 continents below, so you too can sit there and shout at him for being so thick.

Let’s just hope Justin isn’t asked to name the children he’s sired on each contient!

For a brief moment in Britain, everyone felt kinda good when Prince William and Kate Middleton (or The Duchess of Skelmersdale or whatever she is these days) got married. Not that there was a sense of national unity brought about by an old-fashioned state event.

Rather, everyone seemed to agree that the little car they drove around in was nice and that Pippa Middleton has a very pleasing arse.

Of course, this good feeling lasted all of about 30 seconds and everyone went back to wondering what exactly the Royal Family offer us. And in the build-up to an official trip to Canada, one politician decided to vent spleen in their direction in a volley of abuse that is almost hecklersprayesque in quality and pettiness.

The Quebec Solidaire party (we’re sure they’re very, very important and not at all meaningless to the rest of the yawning chasm of the universe) launched into some impressive venom about the Royal couple.

Amir Khadir, a chap who is a member of the Quebec Solitaire Players Club, described the monarchy as

“a parasitic system that was inherited from ancient times”.

He added:

“A nation worthy of the 21st Century has no need for a monarchy or people with a bloodline.”

He wasn’t finished there either. Y’see, when you slag the Royals off, you’re always met with the cries of ‘yes, but think of the tourism!’, which Khadir amusingly batted away with

“If this is a tourist attraction, I would at least appreciate it if the stakeholders involved knew that we are bringing them here kind of like we do with circus tours.”

Quebec’s Intergovernmental Affairs Minister Pierre Moreau (yes, yes, we’re sure he’s a very important man who the world couldn’t possibly manage without) didn’t like Amir’s lip, saying rather charmingly:

“Being at odds does not excuse being impolite.”

It seems a little impolite to ask Canadian taxpayers to cough up $2 million in security for the visit of two equally unimportant, grinning poshos, right?

Protests are expected, but alas, Canadians aren’t nearly as mental when it comes to having an itchy trigger finger like their American cousins, which is a saving grace of sorts.

Unless you’re the kind of person who actually enjoys assassinations of course. Please hand yourself over to the police immediately. Many thanks.

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There’s nothing worse on this earth than being so scared to leave your own home that you sit inside eating biscuits, drinking tea with rum in it and writing snarky articles on the internet to compensate for the bitterness you feel in other people’s success.

Well, aside from being a hecklerspray, writer where our existence is punctuated by near-constant beatings and humiliation based around one’s ability (or inability) to compare Robert Pattinson to a skirting board or to liken Calvin Harris to having all the charm of a gaping shrapnel wound.

It’s a tough life, but not as tough as Justin Bieber’s. The Canadian boy with the voice as smooth as one of Isaac Hayes’ wet dreams but containing the thinly-veiled, saccharine sex references usually held back for an orgy at a Tate & Lyle factory, has stated that he’s scared of his own fans. That’s a real pity actually, because they love him so much that they’d be willing to kill to be with him. Or near him. Or sniff his hair. Or have him look at them, even in disgust.

The problem for young Justin is that he has become the focal point of an army of loyal fans who are so fanatically devoted to the floppy-haired pop prince that they’re willing to threaten people he spends time with or even people who write about him with futile, mis-spelled threats which are primarily designed to disguise the inevitable realisation that young Justin is just another Disney-loving scamp with less talent than a castrated poodle.

For anyone reading this thinking; “Am I a Justin Bieber fan?”, if you’ve just screamed the words “Oh my God, Justin. I love you so much that it hurts my vagina when I think about you!” in text-speak then yes, you’re a Justin Bieber fan.

If reading that sentence made you think, “Wow, what a rude website. I’ll leave them a disparaging comment surrounding their obvious lack of research,” in text-speak then yes- again- you’re a Justin Bieber fan. If the mere mention of Selena Gomez makes you recoil in fear at the thought of having a sexual rival then yes, you guessed it, you’re a Justin Bieber fan.

If you are a Justin Bieber fan then you’re part of the problem. You love him too much and now he’s scared to go anywhere without an armoured convoy containing heavily armed men, a stylist, a publicist and someone to straighten his hair should one wandering lock fall out of place. When asked why he didn’t stop to greet fans at an airport, Bieber burbled;

“It wouldn’t have been safe for me. The screams and stuff, I haven’t really got used to that. It’s still crazy to me.”

Yes, the banshee-like screams of 3 million young women all reaching climax at the same time do take some getting used to but Justin is worried about his safety as opposed to the sexual enjoyment of his fans. Luckily (for some), no harm came to the prince and he was able to perform for his legion of braying caterwauls in peace. Because no one screams at gigs. Ever.

The lesson here is a simple one. If you’re a Justin Bieber fan then stop it. Just stop it. He doesn’t even want you to like him anymore. Go and scream at The Wanted or One Direction or something instead.

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Scarlett Johansson – one of the most beautiful actresses in the world who could literally take her pick of any man alive – has just got married.

But who has Scarlett Johansson got married to? A king? James Bond? A philanthropic playboy billionaire? Pre-goose Fabio? No. Scarlett Johansson has got married to Ryan Reynolds – the man who you’ll probably recognise as the bloke you wanted to punch square in the face for the entire duration of that Definitely, Maybe film your girlfriend made you go and see.

Apparently Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynold’s wedding was a small, quiet affair attended by only a handful of people. That’s not to say that more people weren’t invited – they just never got round to replying because they’ve all been scratching their heads and going “Ryan Reynolds? Why?” ever since the invitations arrived.

When most people watched Van Wilder, their main thoughts were probably either “If this film doesn’t finish instantly I’m going to thumb my bloody eyes out,” or “Why am I watching a film that revolves around someone eating a doughnut filled with dog semen?” But not Scarlett Johansson.

When Scarlett Johansson saw Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder, she thought “Who is this sexy hunk of sex photographing a bulldog getting wanked off into some cakes? I don’t care if his face is obviously too small for his head – he must be mine!”

And now he is. By some absurd quirk that we’re going to put down to either brain damage or long-term hypnosis, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got married this weekend. People reports:

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds made it official with a wedding this weekend, Reynolds’s rep, Meredith O’Sullivan, confirmed to PEOPLE. Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.

A remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver? Wait, that’s… isn’t that… all of Canada?

Anyway, this news isn’t a huge surprise, because Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got engaged back in April. Back then, however, they both made out that it was going to be a long, relaxed engagement that wouldn’t result in anything for ages – not that they were going to wait five months, then run off to get married down the woods.

But still, as inexplicable as this wedding is, at least both Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds can look each other in the eye and know that they’re both a step up from their last partners. That’s because one of the last women Ryan Reynolds was with was Alanis Morissette, and after he dumped her she wrote an album all about what a twat he was. And one of the last people Scarlett Johansson was linked to was Justin Timberla…

OK, no, we take that back. Scarlett Johansson hasn’t done very well out of this marriage at all, has she?

Hecklerspray has a quick test for you. Try saying the words ‘seal cull hunt’ three times very quickly without using the c-word.

It’s not easy is it? Well, it certainly wasn’t for one poor newsreader on Sky last weekend, who dropped a major clanger by mentioning the c-word live on air during a story about Canada’s annual seal cull. When describing the clubbing to death of seals, he accidentally lets it slip – quite forcibly – what he really thinks about people who cull seals.

Or maybe he just doesn’t like Canadians…or maybe it’s the seals he thinks are cunts.

Anyway, it somehow managed to make a very serious topic into a funny one. Well, they do say Sky are dumbing down the news.

Good spot by The Daily Goss