Matthew McConaughey had so much to celebrate – like his inability to wear shirts and the sudden reversal of his baldness.

But now there’s more. Yesterday morning, Matthew McConaughey welcomed a baby girl into his life. A baby girl named Vida Alves McConaughey. The meaning of the name is a little unclear – while Vida is Portuguese for ‘life’, it’s also an anagram of ‘diva’, which could be a reference to the baby’s mother; or ‘a div’, which is almost certainly a reference to her father.

Still, we’re thrilled that Matthew McConaughey had a baby girl – in our experience, girls have a slightly increased tolerance to the stream of insultingly bad romantic comedies that McConaughey makes for a living, so at least they’ll have something to bond over.

Little Vida Alves McConaughey is going to lead a pretty charmed life. This is a bold prediction for someone only a few hours old, but we’re pretty sure that Vida will be able to do whatever the hell she likes in life without fear of reprisal from her father. And that’s because nothing she can ever do will be as genuinely moronic as being caught by the police dancing around her living room in the nude and playing the bongo drums while surrounded by drug paraphernalia, as Matthew McConaughey was in 1999.

So, if you’re Vida Alves McConaughey finding this article on the internet in about 2020 after googling your dad’s name, be sure to remind him of that the first time you’re arrested for shoplifting or sniffing glue or whatever it is that you futuristic just-born kids will get up to in 2020.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves have just become parents to a little girl named Vida Alves McConaughey, as Matthew McConaughey mentioned in a blog post that we presume was primarily written to demonstrate that he still doesn’t know that you need to use the letter G when describing things in the present continuous tense:

“Happy New Year everybody!!! On Sunday, Jan. 3rd at 12:13am, Camila gave birth to a healthy 7lb. 7oz. baby girl named “Vida Alves McConaughey”…. Vida is Portuguese for “life” and that’s what God gave us this morning… Camila’s recovering wonderfully and we are both truly honored to welcome this little lady into our family… thanks for all your well wishes and prayers along the way. another blessed day. we give thanks. just keep livin, Matthew and Camila”

It’s an undeniably sweet name – Vida means life and, in Vida, that’s what God gave Matthew McConaughey and Camila Alves – and it’s certainly better than the other names they were mulling over. Matthew and Camila were apparently keen on the whole ‘Portuguese translation of things that God gave them in the baby’ thing, which is why we heard it was a toss-up between Vida (Life), Noites Insones (Sleepless Nights), Mamilos Dolorosos (Sore Nipples) and Placenta Indesejados Gigante (Giant Unwanted Placenta). In retrospect, Vida seems like the decent choice.

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Are you tired of hearing about all the celebrity babies being churned out, giving job security to the next generation of therapists and rehab facilities?

So are we, but until a drunk David Hasselhoff is videotaped eating a hamburger on the floor, or Paris Hilton pees in the back of another cab, babies is all we got.

The latest baby announcement comes from Matthew McConaughey, who announced on his website that his girlfriend Camila Alves is pregnant. It’s nice to see Matthew found something productive to do besides being shirtless all the time. 

Yes, Matthew McConaughey, a man who likes to make romantic comedies that test the limits of our gag reflex, be tanned, and apparently have some sort of ban against wearing a shirt, is going to be a daddy. He’s been dating Brazilian model Camila Alves for over a year now, which puts him behind the pack in celebrity years.

He should have already proposed to Camila on the Eiffel Tower, had a Scientology person follow Camila around constantly, had the baby, and kept it in hiding for several months already.

Matthew McConaughey made the announcement on his website, as he stunned us all with his accurate account of how the miracle of life came about. It doesn’t sound hick or redneck at all:

"My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together. It's 3 months growin in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far."

That’s precious, Matt. And he seems to be well past the failed birth control ranting phase as he continues to share his elation:

“We are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and this gift from God, and so excited for the adventure that will come in raising this child, being mother and a father, and shepherding him or her through this life."

There you have it folks. Two major announcements in one. Matthew McConaughey is going to have a baby, and Matthew McConaughey is going to become a shepherd. Hey, whatever keeps him from making movies with Kate Hudson and that dude, Sarah Jessica Parker.

Read more: 

Matthew McConaughey: I'm Going To Be a Dad - People