Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
The hype surrounding the new Batman film (Batman 3 or The Dark Knight Rises… it’s up to you what you call it) is getting bigger and bigger, with the entire world stalking its every movement.
Seriously. No other film has been as spied on during the shoot like this one has.
And there’s more of it. And it’s great. How about a giant fight scene, a video of Batman and Bane going at it and a sneak peak of Catwoman on a motorbike? If you’re crying ‘YES PLEASE!’, then get yourself over the jump.
Batman: The Dark Knight Rises, is probably the most highly anticipated film release floating around the ether at the moment. The superhero genre has been revitalised by the brooding adventures of Bruce Wayne and everyone is intrigued as to how the whole thing will wrap up.
As such, each little morsel and near-set fanvid has been met with many a watering mouth.
And here’s the news: it’s pretty much a certainty that Christopher Nolan’s revamp will be getting shown in six-minute prologues in various cinemas at Christmas time. BUT WHERE? Well…
Michael Jackson’s Misery Concert Of Cash Cowdery And Crassery (or: Michael Forever Tribute) is going ahead next weekend in Cardiff, despite the fact that absolutely no-one from Michael’s family wants it to go ahead, for fear of distracting everyone from the trial of Dr Conrad Murray.
Wait. What’s that?
Sorry, nearly everyone in the Jackson family doesn’t want it to go ahead. So who is letting the side down and letting money come first? It couldn’t be anyone else! That’s right! It’s La Toya Jackson and she’s going to actually perform at the show too! What a gasping idiot.
Over in America, Dr. Conrad Murray is being accused of administrating some mental sounding drugs into Michael Jackson and causing him to carry out his last boogie.
However, it isn't just the remaining members of the Jacksons that he has to prove his innocence to. The singer?s children also want answers and then, we have the fans that all seem to have been touched by Michael in their own special way.
The Moonwalking For Justice trial is expected to last for months, but this hasn't stopped a cultish gathering of Jackofans to gather in Cardiff on Saturday 8th August. There, the king of pop’s life will be celebrated whilst a man is still being tried. With both events happening at the same time, some say it's a bit sickening. But hey, they?ll be mincing their words now. After all, the gig has been injected with totally mad and uber kewl Fearne Cotton. Who wouldn't want to go?
As a doctor, presumably you know when a human is a lost cause. That’s why Dignitas exists, right? And so, if the rumours that Michael Jackson was knocking back Propofol like milk, he probably thought ‘sod it’.
And who can blame him?
During the Moonwalking for Justice trial, it seems that MJ was dying in his bedroom while Dr. Conrad Murray spent 45 minutes on the telephone, calling a cocktail waitress (according to the prosecution). He probably wanted a Long Island Iced Tea or something from doing all that hard work staring at Jackson’s increasingly peculiar face.
The Jackson family are born performers aren’t they? Those that numbered up the Jackson 5 all loved the limelight and, in later years, so did Papa Joe with that belt-brandishing look in his eye and, of course, world-weary mother Katherine.
We also got LaToya and Janet thrown in for free too, which is nice. Not to mention the champion hurdler Colin and Hobbit botherer, Peter.
What a family! However, Michael Jackson’s son is not like the rest of his clan. He’s ‘nervous’ about testifying in the trial related to his dad’s death.
Catwoman, oh Catwoman. Good looking, sexy and kinky in the ’60s and regrettably less-so from the ’90s onward, you are going to return to our pathetic lives in your figure-hugging suit with your wily charms and depraved purring.
But we’re slightly worried. Anne Hathaway is the new Catwoman and we’re not sure we’ve ever seen her in a role that convinces us that she’ll be able to vamp it up enough for Batman 3, or The Dark Knight Rises to give it the proper title.
Does she look the part? Well, there’s some pictures of her on-set with Christian Bale and Gary Oldman. Make your own ‘purr’ jokes like ‘purrfect’, ‘purrlease!’ and such.
Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, roll up for what promises to be the greatest court case spectacle that the world has ever seen!
In the UK, we only get hastily sketched drawings of court proceedings, sometimes making us think that cartoon characters actually carry out heinous crimes. But in America, good old fashioned family time can be spent watching an alleged murderer on TV! AMAZING!
we're not sure if the court case brought against Dr. Conrad Murray will suffer a similar fate, but after endless delays and arguments, the trial is set to go ahead. No doubt it'll drag on forever and the eventual outcome will be appealed, but for now, everything is running correctly. One of the most difficult tasks was the jury selection process and, after months of screening potential jurors, twelve have been selected. Are there any questionable doubts? Of course there are, stupid. It is a Michael Jackson trial after all.
With the Michael Jackson v. Conrad Murray’s Syringe court case imminent, we need to keep Jacko in the news because come the trial, we’ll need to convince ourselves that we’re informed.
There’s no danger of you lot being uber-informed though because, chances are, you have absolutely no life outside of scouring the internet for articles about the former King Of Pop (since MJ’s death, the crown has been handed over to Pitbull).
However, as Michael is completely and utterly dead, we have to look elsewhere for stories. And so, we bring the tale of Jackson’s daughter – Paris – sleeping with a jacket. Isn’t jacket one of Michael’s other children?
Michael Jackson’s death may well be very sad for those who still bought his albums post-Dangerous (yes, these people actually exist), but it hasn’t been all bad news for the world.
You see, like deep sea creatures gorging on the carcass of a dead whale, Michael Jackson’s cadaver has created something of a cottage industry, where everyone is making a nice living out of an injection of Propofol.
And one person doing very well out of Michael’s death is Jermaine Jackson who, ironically enough, is paying his mortgage by scalding everyone who is making money out of Michael’s deathly mishap.
