Buzz Aldrin - HecklerSpray

Tara Reid Back With That Guy You Never Knew She Was With In The First Place

July 30th, 2010 By Ralph Sanders

Look, I know you're busy, so I'll make this quick.

What with all the problems with the economy, the BP oil spill, those contagious monkeys hanging round your flat, that growth on the inside of your right nasal passage and all that stuff, you probably haven't been keeping up with the latest news involving ?kind of used to be famous, scarily orange girls who fall out of nightclubs for a living?, such as Tara Reid.

God knows you haven't been following her straight-to-video film career, right? I mean, no one has. Most of the films she made in the last two years don't even have Wikipedia pages. How is that possible? Even Hitler Bacon has an entry, and that sounds made up (and totally delicious).

Nicole Scherzinger Wins Dancing With The Stars: Surprise!

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

When this year’s Dancing With The Stars began, and you looked at all the contestants, who did you think would win?

Nicole Scherzinger. You obviously thought that Nicole Scherzinger would win. That’s partly because Nicole Scherzinger dances on a day to day basis for a living, and partly because the other Dancing With The Stars contestants were either octogenarian astronauts or reality TV stars who’d given birth so many times that they could barely get through a Paso Doble without tripping up on their own saggy vaginas. No, Nicole Scherzinger was always going to win Dancing With The Stars. Always.

And last night Nicole Scherzinger won Dancing With The Stars. Oh, at least try to look surprised.

Dancing With The Stars: Pamela Anderson Tossed Overboard

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

The calibre of this year’s Dancing With The Stars is so high that we’ve barely mentioned Pamela Anderson.

Kate Gosselin? Yes. Buzz Aldrin? Yes. That reality show pilot idiot who got kicked off last week and doesn’t even have a Wikipedia page? Yes. But not Pamela Anderson. This is either because Dancing With The Stars can afford to book stars big enough to can eclipse Pamela Anderson, or it’s because Pamela Anderson isn’t very famous any more and we don’t particularly like to dwell on the image of her dancing – an image of a bright orange warped Lionel Richie Hello-style sculpture of 1990s Pamela Anderson being dragged around the stage by an alcoholic self-loathing puppeteer.

But anyway, it’s all too late. Last night Pamela Anderson left Dancing With The Stars for not being That Girl From The Pussycat Dolls Who’s Obviously Going To Win Dancing With The Stars. Basically.

Someone Who Isn’t Kate Gosselin Leaves Dancing With The Stars

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

This has been the most impressive Dancing With The Stars roster yet – there’s an astronaut there, for crying out loud.

And a booby model. And, um, about four people we’ve never heard of. But still, Dancing With The Stars has plenty going for it. And yet the only thing that anyone can talk about is Kate Gosselin. They talk about how awful she is at dancing, about how much everyone who works on Dancing With The Stars hates her, about her constant blind self-centred stupidity and about the extent to which she must be neglecting her children to take part in the show.

Yesterday, a celebrity was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars. And it wasn’t Kate Gosselin. Honestly, you people are idiots.

Kate Gosselin To Make Dancing With The Stars All About Her

March 2nd, 2010 By Stuart Heritage

Finally, after years of constant disappointment, Dancing With The Stars has booked its first real celebrity.

Kate Gosselin. We’re so excited! We’ve waited so long for someone to inject some genuine celebrity glamour into Dancing With The Stars, and it looks as if Kate Gosselin is going to be the woman to do it. Obviously by ‘genuine celebrity glamour’ we mean ‘witless screeching about how hard her life is’ and ‘up to 23 simultaneous terrible haircuts’, but it’s more or less the same thing.

Sadly, though, Kate Gosselin isn’t going to be the only contestant to appear on this year’s Dancing With The Stars. Some old duffer called Buzz Aldrin is also going to take part. Apparently he’s walked on the moon, whatever that is. Hey Buzz, back the hell off! This is Kate Gosselin’s time to shine, you hear?