When people first started mentioning Adele, we thought she was a South American footballer who was destined to sign for a club with more money than sense. To the best of our drunken recollection, most people with one name have amazing ball control and dribbling technique.

Sadly, it turns out that Adele isn’t someone from the world of sport. Instead, she belts out pop songs that are either ballads or she whines about an issue that you, dear listener, can relate to, thus making her accessible to all.

Be it a messy breakup from an ex or forgetting £5 worth of cheese. Adele is back in our lives with her second album “21” but she is dangerously close from altering her status of “aww she’s quite nice” to “Christ why can’t she bugger off back to bloody Brit School or something?”

At the moment, Adele is pestering the singles and album charts. To be fair, “Someone Like You” is an alright song. However, like anything, repeated exposure to one particular product or thing can wear thin after a while.

Nearly every radio and TV station plays ‘Something Like You’ at least a bazillion times a day and advertisers use the calming soothing piano chords to soundtrack adverts for products like goat repellent and laser eye surgery.

We expect the government to start playing ‘Something Like You’ on a constant loop to make terror suspects confess in to falsely admitting they were going to blow up a slipper shop or something. We’d take a lengthy jail sentence instead of listening to Adele on solid rotation for a month.

But why all the animosity to Adele? You mightn’t think it, but we are trying to look out for her. We don’t want her to turn in to Canadian pleb Bryan Adams and release music that everyone immediately gushes over and continues to grow in popularity.

Songs like ‘Someone Like You’ are bought by people who don’t like music. It was bought by people who like Bryan Adams’ awful, awful, awful, ‘Everything I Do’.

That’s right: A mega-ballad. This scientifically proves to us that if you want to become successful in the music world, release something which has a speed of about 20BPM, pen lyrics about being confused and there you go.

Adele has supposedly broken some records, according to Digital Spy anyway:

“The mega-selling singer has now managed the longest reign in pole position on the chart this century. By returning to the top spot on the UK singles chart with ‘Someone Like You’, Adele also celebrates achieving the chart double for a fifth week. Her 2008 debut album 19 also holds steady in the runner-up spot, making this the third week in the last five that the London singer has managed to occupy the top two spots on the ranking.”

We bet Janet Jackson has never done that.

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Hardly a day passes without hearing about Amy Winehouse inching towards an inevitable premature death – but finally help is at hand.

Has Amy Winehouse finally realised that her drug addiction is serious and that she has to get urgent help? No. Have Amy's friends and family staged a dramatic life-altering intervention to finally see sense and show how the damage that she's doing to herself?

No. But Bryan Adams has written a song that might vaguely make the occasional reference to Amy Winehouse. Amy, consider yourself cured.

Despite her recent Grammy wins, Amy Winehouse's life is still just as tattered and depressing as it's ever been. Amy's husband Blake is still in prison for an alleged vicious attack on a pub barman and subsequent justice-perverting, the video of Amy Winehouse smoking crack has proved that she's still ravaged with a serious drug problem and she's also been blamed for the single-handed destruction of Africa. 

Don't worry, though, because Bryan Adams has written a song about Amy Winehouse so everything's going to be OK. Hello reports:

Lyrics for the new track, which include the words "Nobody saw the tears in your silk and lace, the scarred little kid behind your face", show just how much the 48-year-old has taken Amy under his wing. Titled Flower Grown Wild, it appears on Bryan's recently released disc 11. It seems that Bryan's song has hit a chord with Amy who, the Daily Mirror reports, has agreed to sing it on stage with the Canadian star when he begins his tour later this year. 

Now we know what you're thinking, because we're thinking the exact same thing as well. If Bryan Adams wrote a song about you, you'd probably start upping your crack intake until the sound of blood thumping through your veins drowned out whatever lazily-rhymed croaky-voiced dollop of MOR dirge he'd cobbled together.

And the timing of this news is slightly uncomfortable, too. Bryan Adams' album only came out on Monday and – since nobody's really cared about Bryan Adams since 1992 – you can't help feeling that he's only started spouting off about this Amy Winehouse song because she sells a lot of records and she's in the news all the time and he needs all the publicity he can get. 

If it works, though, fair play to Bryan Adams. Maybe he's summed up Amy Winehouse's plight so perfectly that millions of people will buy the album just to listen to Flower Grown Wild so they can sit around all teary-eyed wailing "It's true! Nobody did see the tears in your silk and lace, or the scarred little kid behind your face! It's true! We're the monsters!"

And if that happens, we'll just have to applaud Bryan Adams on a job well done. Maybe he'll start dedicating a song on all his subsequent albums to other celebrities with addiction problems. We're especially looking forward to hearing  The Ballad Of Keith Chegwin, if that's the case.

However, perhaps we're being too cynical. Perhaps Bryan Adams really did write this new song to help Amy Winehouse. And perhaps it'll work. After all, Bryan Adams did take Lindsay Lohan under his wing in 2006. And, as we all know, nothing she did after that was ever a problem again.

Read more:

Bryan Adams writes new song about friend Amy Winehouse - Hello