Brooke Shields - HecklerSpray

Brooke Shields Nude Photos Reveal Every Part of Her Body (YES!)

Brooke Shields was one of the original child stars who came with an OSM (Overbearing Stage Mom). OSM Teri Shields managed to scandalize the world when she pimped out 12-year-old Shields in “Pretty Baby,” featuring her as a child prostitute, complete with adolescent nude scenes.

She followed this with lots more sex and innuendo on film in movies such as “Blue Lagoon” and “Endless Love” and in risque Calvin Klein ads that implied 15-year-old Shields went “commando” in her jeans and she wanted everyone to know it.

Brooke Shields In World’s Rubbishest Plane Crash

October 8th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Brooke Shields can do nothing right – even the aviation disasters she participates in are underwhelming.

You see, Brooke Shields was in a plane crash. Don’t worry, though, because it was crap. There was no fire, no twisted shards of steel and glass. Not even any injuries, in fact – Brooke Shields’ plane simply rolled backwards after landing and damaged a car’s wing mirror.

That sounds quite mediocre, but we’re not done yet. The plane’s other passenger was Jim Belushi. Brooke Shields and Jim Belushi in a pointlessly minor plane crash. You just can’t get more mediocre than that. Not without the involvement of Keane, anyway.

Kiefer Sutherland Free To Headbutt Anybody He Likes, Sort Of

July 22nd, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Getting headbutted by Kiefer Sutherland would be amazing – it’d be like Rembrandt painting you a picture.

Because Kiefer is a master headbutter. Sure, it’d be better if he tied you to a chair, put your feet in a bucket of water and electrocuted you with a cable torn from a standard lamp but that’s hardly practical on a day-to-day basis. No, Kiefer Sutherland’s headbutt is the perfect expression of form and content.

The Manhattan District Attorney’s office realises this, so it won’t be prosecuting Kiefer Sutherland for allegedly headbutting that guy back in May. What a heartwarming story. About headbutts.

Brooke Shields Wishes More People Stuffed It Up Her

May 26th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

If you were Brooke Shields, what would you change about yourself? Your eyebrow-grooming regime, perhaps?

Or your failure to achieve any kind of meaningful career as a high-profile moviestar. Or the way your stagename makes you sound like a sinister insurance company. But no, Brooke Shields wishes that she let more schoolboys do it with her. More or less.

Brooke Shields regrets staying a virgin until she was 22. We agree – if she had sex earlier, maybe an unwanted pregnancy would have stood between her and fame, meaning that we’d never have to tell you any of this old crap now.

Kiefer Sutherland Charged With Being A Headbutty Maniac

May 8th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Kiefer Sutherland isn’t Jack Bauer. Hard to believe, we know, but they’re different in just about every way.

Jack Bauer, for instance, breaks the law in all sorts of spectacular ways to save America from terrorists then gets pardoned by the president afterwards. Kiefer Sutherland, on the other hand, commits petty crimes to save 1980s actresses then gets charged afterwards.

Kiefer Sutherland has been charged with minor assault following his alleged headbutting incident this week. Sad – we wanted to see how far he’d take this hobby. Maybe he’d end up shoplifting a Chunky Kit Kat for Molly Ringwald or something.

Kiefer Sutherland: How Long Will He Go To Jail For This Time?

May 7th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

As the star of 24, Kiefer Sutherland knows a bit about the law. For instance, it’s completely OK to suffocate your brother to death.

Also, the good guys are always bad, and the bad guys are always good. And never trust the brown ones. So when Kiefer Sutherland allegedly headbutted Jack McCollough on Tuesday, it made him a bad guy. But then again, Kiefer Sutherland was protecting the honour of Brooke Shields – so he’s a good guy.

Then again, he’ll probably spend a few more months in jail for it. So he’s bad. Or good. Oh, let’s just settle on depressing.

Kiefer Sutherland Headbutts Guy To Save Brooke Shields’ Life Or Dignity

May 6th, 2009 By Shawn Lindseth

As anyone who has ever seen 24, Lost Boys or his mugshot already knows – Kiefer Sutherland is tougher than a t-rex’s calcified colon.

Sure, he likes talking about little baby ponies a little more that your typical hero, and he refers to his favourite shirt as the ‘one covered in speckled rainbow,’ but aside from that he has got what it takes to save people’s lives. On TV.

Also sometimes he awkwardly intervenes on behalf of distressed damsels in real life too. For instance, he recently came to the aide of an ‘assaulted’ Brooke Shields.