Brooke Mueller - HecklerSpray

Charlie Sheen Has Decided To Make His Next Ex Wife A Porn Star

February 17th, 2014 By Megan Leitch

So, Charlie Sheen has decided that going back and forth between hating and sharing a crack pipe with each of his ex wives wasn’t enough drama for him to deal with, so he’s going to wife up his sex-on-film-for-pay girlfriend.

Why is he still allowed to make decisions for himself when he is obviously terrible at them? Has anyone tried to call Adult Protective Services yet? Sheen needs himself a Daddy Spears to take over and run his life before he makes any more children that will one day single-handedly support the livelihoods of an entire group of psychiatrists.

Charlie Sheen Is Back To Hating His Other Ex Wife

December 17th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Oh snap, I think someone is drinking dragon’s blood again.? Charlie Sheen is back to writing creepy ass poems and posting menacing pictures on his Twitter account.? Shocking enough, these weren’t aimed at his crack loving ex wife, Brooke Mueller, or the DCFS.? Instead this time Sheen is pissed off at his second ex wife, Denise Richards.

Way to remind everyone why you have custody of NONE of your children, Charlie.? Shit, even Shoot Em Up Mueller has more of a chance of getting them back than you.? That’s just pathetic.

Charlie Sheen is Out For Blood

November 7th, 2013 By Megan Leitch

Charlie Sheen sort of calmed down the craziness for a while.? No more ranting about “WINNING!” or filling his house with?porn stars or?drinking dragon’s blood.? He quieted down, worked on his new show, spent time with his kids, and continued to sleep with one professional sex star at a time.

But shit’s going down now.? Sheen’s ex wife, Brooke Mueller, has been off the crack for more than 2 minutes so she is apparently fighting for more custody of their twins, and Sheen is not having it.? He’s calling Brooke out publicly for the hot mess that she is, and making weird creepy threats against her and the entire Department of Child and Family Services.

The twins are currently under the custody of Sheen’s other ex, Denise Richards.? Even Sheen knows that the former call girl turned his ex wife is more stable than either kid’s parent, which is just sad as shit.

Charlie Sheen’s Ex, Brooke Mueller, Does The Mental Coke Thing In His Place

December 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

When Charlie Sheen went mental, it was briefly hilarious. Basically, he rambled on about tiger blood and being made of win like a man babbling nonsense shortly before his death. It was a glorious and gruesome spectacle for us blood-baying dimwits.

And then he went and spoiled it all by straightening himself out, going on tour and getting dumped by his two live-in girlfriends.

Gone was the chandelier punching, the suitcases of cocaine, the heart-pills and rock-eyed lunacy. ALL IS NOT LOST THOUGH! That’s because Sheeno’s ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has taken up the slack and gone drug-mental in his place!

Charlie Sheen Takes Ex On Holiday Because Everyone Else Can’t Stand The Sight Of Them

August 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! What do you do when everyone’s stopped mockingly humouring you? If you’re Charlie Sheen, you continue babbling your gitspeak and start hanging around your ex and her crackpipe like that was the plan all along.

See, after trying to start some daft Shangri La, where he had two girlfriends at the same time (or goddesses as he demeaned dubbed them), it all fell about his ears when they realised what a massive ghoul he was.

And so, tail between his tottering legs, he started hanging around with his ex wife again, even though they had just got divorced. With no-one to go on holiday with, he thought he’d tap her up again because she’s just about the only person speaking to him currently (including his agent).

Brooke Mueller Has Trouble On A Big Aeroplane Thanks To Being A Massive Berk

July 15th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Brooke Mueller, a woman who was daft enough to have children with Charlie Sheen and rather fond of crack-pipes, may well be thinking of getting back with the former Two And A Half Men chump (once the divorce goes through, confusingly enough), but that doesn’t mean she has to be nice to people on planes.

Mueller got into a spot of bother with the crew of a United jet from L.A. to Cancun (where, we’re told, the crack is AMAZING) and ended up exiting a flight early.

Sadly, she didn’t open the door mid-flight and end up sucking all the passengers out of the plane til there was nothing left but screaming specks on the horizon.

Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Agree Custody Deal That Doesn’t Involve Suitcases Of Cocaine Or Anything Fun

June 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was worth writing about? Okay, it looked like he was going to die and everything, but we don’t care about him emotionally. We just want to mock a stranger’s misfortune right?

So he went about the world saying dumb things about his tiger blood, his fondness for porn actresses and the fact his penis is a cucumber filled with E.Coli or something.

Since then, he went on tour and got in a custody battle, poking him into becoming a massive, massive bore. Even the woman he was in the legal wranglings with, Brooke Mueller, went to rehab and failed to make Sheen vaguely interesting again.

Charlie Sheen Upsets Ex With Rehab Joke And Threatens To Tour The World

May 9th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Charlie Sheen’s Violent Torpedo Of Truth tour has been hobbling around America, confusing and dumbfounding people and making people too thick to think titter every stinkin’ time he wheels out the whole ‘Uh, winning!‘ thing.

Until now, this dreadful spectacle has been confined to the boundaries of mainland America… but not for long. That’s because Sheeno is planning on hauling his pasty backside all over the world where, with any luck, he’ll find out just how tiresome humans find him.

And while he’s at it, he’s violating terms of his custody agreement, which could see him hilariously losing the right to see his long-suffering kiddiewinks. Defeat, it would appear, is most certainly an option.

Charlie Sheen Gets Lifeline From Denise Richards In Now Boring News Item

April 19th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Remember when Charlie Sheen was fun to write about? Remember that? He had people cowering in cupboards, suitcases of cocaine and had a nervous breakdown before our very eyes. And now? He’s gone from meme to admin. How terribly dull.

Instead of standing on rooftops waving a machete around, he’s involved in a boring tour and tangled up in a load of boring court tape.

And so, to provide some brief distraction, his ex wife has gone into rehab and another ex, actress Denise Richards, has appeared from nowhere to say that she’ll look after Sheen’s children for a bit. Yes. We’re writing about babysitting.

Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Lock Horns In Custody Deal (LMAO)

March 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Staying to the common theme of the internet’s response to Charlie Sheen, this article may be a little repetitive in places, for which we can only apologise.

Anyway, here goes.

Hahahahahaha! Hahahahaha! Hahahahaha! Negotiations between Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller LOL LOOOOL LOL LOLMAO have broken down. PMSL HAHAHAHAHA! TIGER BLOOD! Apparently, Brooke is not happy that Charlie just can’t stop his mouth from saying things when she’s concerned about the welfare of her children HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Winning! Ooops. Sorry bro. PMSLMAO