9 - Perhaps the greatest response to an R Kelly song you will ever read – Mychemicaltoilet

8 - Brooke Hogan’s new album cover is the single worst thing any of you will ever see - Amygrindhouse

7 - Some Very Important Headwear News – Interestment

6 - Public etiquette upon meeting females, as explained by a potential germaphobe - Shoutingatcows

5 – Here’s the end to your problems, you oniony wuss – Domesticsluttery

4 - Here’s our old friend Mr T singing a song about baseball - Bestweekever

3 - These fossils are quite breathtaking – Geekologie

2 - Oh Courtney Love, have you EVER made sense? - Twitter

1 – Here’s a video of the Beastie Boys from the other night. Not funny or thought-provoking, but we quite like the Beastie Boys, so shut up…

True, Brooke Hogan might be so freakishly hell-bent on getting famous that she’ll try anything from hopeless singing careers to toe-curling opportunistic reality TV shows to get it, but for the simple fact that she isn’t Hulk Hogan or Nick Hogan, we’re prepared to give Brooke Hogan the benefit of the doubt.

Because Brooke Hogan’s hardly planning to exploit her own family’s real-life woes by getting naked for Playboy in the blind hope that it’ll give her the attention she thinks she deserves, is it? What? That’s exactly what she is doing? Fine – disregard everything you’ve just read. We’ll start again after the jump.

We used to feel a bit sorry for Brooke Hogan, you know. There she was, the result of an experimental genetic splice gone horribly awry between a bald, middle-aged sausage-coloured T-shirt ripper and a worryingly masculine woman, Brooke was also named after 1980s DJ Bruno Brookes. You couldn’t help but feel for the poor girl.

If you stand back, tilt your head to a certain angle and squint like you’ve never squinted before, you can probably even find a way to excuse Brooke Hogan for Brooke Knows Best, the reality TV spin-off from Hogan Knows Best that appears to exist solely to rape the dying carcass that is her family life.

No, really, you can – look at it this way. Brooke Hogan’s mother and father are getting divorced, her mother has run off with Brooke’s old schoolmate and Brooke’s brother is in prison for driving like an incredible tit and wrecking the rest of his best friend’s natural life. If you were Brooke Hogan you’d be feeling a bit strapped for attention too.

And, as we all know, it’s girls who don’t get any attention that you’re probably able to get naked the fastest. Which is why, with the sort of tragic inevitability that could bring planes from the sky, Brooke Hogan is dangerously close to agreeing to strip naked for Playboy magazine. The New York Daily News reports:

Brooke Hogan has been approached to pose nude for the famous men’s magazine, her publicist told the Daily News on Wednesday. And she didn’t say no…. “No decision has been made at this time,” her rep said.

No decision has been made, if you don’t know, is Playboy code for “Jack up my fee old man!” Well, that or “Three grand extra and I’ll get my fanny out as well.” It’s all in the inflection and we’re not experts.

But Brooke! Don’t go naked for Playboy! You’re still young. One day you’ll regret being in Playboy, and it’s not something that you can ever take back. We know you’re feeling sore about your family, but this isn’t the way to get back at them. If you really want attention then you should channel everything you have into accomplishing something good with with your life, something positive that you can look back on and be proud of. Getting naked for Playboy is not the answer.

Also you kind of look like a bloke, and that’s a bit weird.

They weren’t – as soon as the show finished Hulk Hogan and Linda Hogan got divorced and took up with insanely young new partners, Nick Hogan wrapped his car around a tree and went to jail and Brooke Hogan… well that chin of hers isn’t looking any less weird, is it?

So what’s going on? Maybe we’ll never know – after all, the Hogans have sold themselves out to the media before and it’s ended in tears, so the sensible thing to do would be to close ranks and figure out their problems in private. Or, if you’re Brooke Hogan, you’ll just go on Access Hollywood and yammer on about it for ages instead. Which is much more fun. Thanks Brooke!

Looking at the Hogan family, it’s remarkable that they stayed together this long. One parent is a veiny, abnormally large brute with bad hair and skin the colour of a bruised testicle who runs around in tiny red knickers for a living, and the other one is Hulk Hogan.

It couldn’t last, and it didn’t. Linda Hogan filed for divorce from Hulk Hogan right after the family’s reality TV show Hogan Knows Best stumbled to a conclusion, claiming that the marriage was ‘irretrievably broken’ – which we think is code for ‘my husband just beat me in an arm wrestle for the first time ever and it’s affected my sense of self-worth’.

Meanwhile, son Nick Hogan crashed his car so badly that his passenger will remain in constant care for the rest of his life, and he’s ended up doing solitary in jail for it. It’s not a perfect state of affairs by any means, and you get the feeling that if the family ever made another reality TV show it’d probably be called something like Look At This Awful Bunch Of Clueless Dickheads.

But, anyway, what about Brooke Hogan? Now that her brother’s in jail, she’s left all by herself – torn between a father who had it off with one of her friends and a mother that’s currently having it off with a boy she used to go to school with.

What would you do in Brooke Hogan’s situation? Go on Access Hollywood and spout off about all your family’s darkest problems in front of an audience of millions for no constructive reason whatsoever? Good, because that’s what Brooke Hogan chose to do as well. MSNBC quotes Brooke:

“I don’t know it’s — it’s been pretty nuts… I have to admit I did have a little bit of a breakdown one time about that ‘cause my brother and I are inseparable… I do feel like if someone can see me slip up, you know, they would love it because it would complete the family craziness.”

Good for Brooke Hogan, we say. She’s seen the damage that a reality TV show can do to people and – regardless of how stupidly the rest of her family has decided to act in public in the wake of Hogan Knows Best – she’s determined to live the rest of her life with as much dignity as possible, keen never to repeat the past mistakes made by herself and those around her.

Congratulations, Brooke! We have nothing but respect for you!

Brooke Hogan’s new reality TV show Brooke Knows Best debuts on VH1 this Sunday. We’re not making this up. Christ, what a hopeless jizzpot that girl is.

But that’s not enough for Hulk Hogan’s kids. First Hogan’s son Nick wrote off his car – and any chances of his passenger having a normal life – in a spectacular crash, and now it turns out that Hulk Hogan’s daughter Brooke has been in a car crash of her own.

Brooke Hogan getting into a car accident just days after her younger brother was sentenced to eight months in prison for his crash is just plainly irresponsible. If only Brooke had the foresight to make the news for something unrelated to an automobile accident – maybe stabbing a pensioner in the neck or becoming a prostitute – we’re sure her father would be sleeping much more easily at night.

Even for a retired professional wrestler with freakish sausagey arms, traditionally homosexual facial hair and a bandana constantly on his head forlornly trying to convince the world that he isn’t bald, Hulk Hogan’s had a particularly crappy year.

And it’s all thanks to his family. Hulk’s wife Linda decided to get a divorce, Hulk’s son Nick was sentenced to jail after getting arrested for a crash that’s left his friend in a nursing home for the rest of his life, and now even Hulk’s daughter Brooke has let him down.

No, Brooke Hogan hasn’t let her father down by continually clinging onto a dream of becoming a famous singer instead of getting a proper job, even though the public has proved time and time again that it’d rather buy a CD of Josef Fritzl whispering a number harrowing threats than a Brooke Hogan album. No, Brooke has let her father down by crashing her car.

Not that it was her fault, of course – according to reports, Brooke Hogan’s car was hit head-on by an out-of-control driver in Florida on Sunday. Although her car was pushed into a concrete wall, causing $3,000 of damage, Brooke Hogan and her passenger were left uninjured – something that Brooke puts down to her seatbelt. People reports:

“I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves . . . As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us,” Boella wrote in a MySpace post. “It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight.”

Thank heavens for seatbelts, huh? If it wasn’t for Brooke Hogan ordering her stupid passenger to fasten her seatbelt, then chances are she’d have been flung through the windscreen, skidded for 50ft along the road on her face, hit by an oncoming convoy of juggernauts and spent the rest of her life in a vegetative state replaying the moment she chose not to wear her seatbelt over and over again. Truly, if anyone is the hero here, it’s the seatbelt. And Brooke Hogan.

Oh, did we mention that the Hogan family is being sued for millions of dollars by the family of John Graziano, the boy who sustained such serious injuries when Nick Hogan crashed his car that he’ll have to spend the rest of his life under constant care? And that the Hogans appear to have been passive-aggressively implying that Graziano’s injuries are all his fault because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt?

We did mention that? Oh. Then we can’t for the life of us work out why we decided to point it out again now.