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Britney Spears

Britney’s Ex Adnan Ghalib In ‘Possibly Not Very Nice Man’ Shock

by Stuart Heritage

It takes a special type of man to make people think that, in retrospect, Kevin Federline probably wasn’t so bad.

And Adnan Ghalib is certainly special. You may remember Adnan Ghalib as the awful man who a) romanced Britney Spears at her absolute lowest ebb and b) had a beard that looked like he’d been gargling with animal poo and forgot to wipe his chin afterwards. Well guess what? Adnan Ghalib’s back.

Obviously when we say ‘back’ we mean ‘charged with assault after allegedly running a man over on purpose and breaking his wrist’. You lost a good one there, Britney.

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Britney Spears Still Phoning Old Pals Despite Ban

by hecklerspray staff

A guest blog by the wonderful Amy Grindhouse…

Britney Spears is in trouble with her daddy again. Which one would think is unimaginably hard to do since at this moment in time all Britney is free to do of her own accord is poop and jiggle her rump on stage.

Dungeon Master Spears is having to waste away more precious moments of his life that he’ll never get back on reprimanding his daughter.

This time Britney has broken one of the many restrictions placed on her by reaching out to two people with whom she is not supposed to have any contact; Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib.

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Britney Spears Sued By Her Rubbish-Bearded Former Manager

by Stuart Heritage

There’s no bond stronger than that between a deranged singer and the man who mashes drugs into her food.

And that’s why Britney Spears and Sam Lutfi were so special together. Sam was always there for Britney with whatever she needed – pink wigs, empty knicker draws, some anti-psychotic drugs mashed into a pork chop – but things have gone sour.

Sam Lutfi has sued Britney Spears for defamation – a warning that people can’t just slander him without consequence. However, we’ve checked it out and we think we can still call Sam Lutfi a ‘crappy-bearded bellend’ without any trouble. So that’s good.

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Britney Spears Goes On Tour With Her Kids, Those Lucky Kids

by Stuart Heritage

The most important thing to Britney Spears is her kids. Well, her kids and her vagina. And wheat-based snacks.

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Uptight Ninnies Hate Britney Spears’ Naughty Song-Language

by Stuart Heritage

Since it’s been about 18 seconds since Britney Spears last got into trouble, we’re well overdue a new outrage.

And, God bless Britney, that’s what we’ve got. The new Britney Spears single is called If U Seek Amy – which, when said quickly, sounds a bit like ‘F-U-C-K me’. And parental groups have reacted furiously to this.

Not because of the bad language, you understand, but because of the inaccuracy. Nobody wants to F-U-C-K Britney Spears any more, do they? They want to vomit and run off because her scary red eyes are freaking them out. And she shouldn’t lie to kids.

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Britney Spears To Autobiographically Stretch Her Life Over 3 – 5 Thin Books

by Shawn Lindseth

What we like most about the new administration doesn’t have to do with change, but that our 20-year-old petition for a Lando Calrissian Star Wars spin-off may finally get some White House backing.

Seriously, our script has been yellowing in our closet. Lucas doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it – he must be racist. Why else would he refuse our package at the door? Again?

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Britney Spears Moves House. Look Interested

by Stuart Heritage

We’ve got some good news and some bad news for you. The bad news is that this is the dullest Britney Spears story in the world.

Britney Spears is moving house. That’s roughly it. She lived somewhere, soon she’ll be living somewhere else and that’s it. On a Twitter post, Britney Spears claimed that she’d shown her kids around the new house and they apparently love it. This is the bad news.

The good news is that Britney Spears decided to sell her old home at the height of this economic crisis. We assume that means Britney Spears is still slightly mental. Win.

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WEBTHUMP! Wednesday 7 January 2009

by Stuart Heritage

9 – Anyone want to know what Kelly Clarkson looks like now that she’s decided she wants to be famous again? – Popjustice

8 – We don’t know what’s the worst thing about this, the fact it happened or the unsettling sensation that it’s moments away from being turned into a Jim Carrey movie – ABC

7 – The best-selling videogame ever is the reason you couldn’t move your arms that one Christmas – VGChartz

6 – Want to make your fingers smoke? Us neither, but here’s an impressively complicated way to do it anyway – I Am Bored

5 – Make it through a minute of this and you’ll be rewarded by the sound of a man ejaculating – Best Week Ever

4 – Kate Winslet wears a hat. That is all – Popsugar

3 – Reasons why Twitter is brilliant: Britney Spears’ vagina edition (thanks Suzybeth!) – Gigwise

2 – The only martial art we’ll ever want to learn – Artofmanliness

1 – Best news of all time: it’s good for children if you’re relentlessly cruel about their physical defects! – Telegraph

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Britney Spears’ Dad Gets More Money To Look After His Own Child

by Stuart Heritage

As Britney Spears’ conservator, Jamie Spears spends most of his days saying “No Britney, don’t lick the plug socket,” and performing on-the-spot underwear checks.

And how much is that worth? What? You think that Jamie Spears should be doing that for free because, as one of the parents who pushed Britney Spears into showbusiness at the expense of a normal childhood, he’s directly responsible for her recent psychiatric problems?

Don’t be daft. Jamie Spears thinks that looking after Britney Spears is worth $16,000 a month – or $75 an hour. Wow, what we’d give for a mentally ill millionaire daughter! Jamie’s sure is a lucky guy!

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WEBTHUMP! Tuesday 16 December 2008

by Stuart Heritage

9 – Note to self: write these down. It’s a matter of time, kid – Holytaco

8 – How to smuggle. If you are an idiot – Cracked

7 – Terrible superhero movies. The most deserved number one we’ve seen in a list for a long time – Mania

6 – You suck at Photoshop. A tutorial – Atom

5 – BABY ON A ROLLERCOASTER! – YouTube

4 – Thank you Japan, for giving cats the comeuppance they’ve deserved for so long – YouTube

3 – A video of some disturbing eggs – I Am Bored

2 – Dear the present. We hate you for not being like this – YouTube

1 – Some children deserve pain. This is one of them – Collegehumor

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