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Britney Spears

Britney Spears & The Camo-Clad Stalker

by Shawn Lindseth

Celebrity Stalking  is an art – one few have perfected. We did though – don’t believe us? Then how do you explain us living in Dom DeLuise‘s pantry for almost a month. Our trick was to dress as something that wasn’t food. It doesn’t really matter what – that’s the only stuff that used to [...]

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Does Britney Spears Want K-Fed Back? Really? Oh Jesus

by Stuart Heritage

Those eyes, that belly, the ridiculous desire to become a rapper – let’s face it, Kevin Federline is a catch.

Oh wait, no, that was a typo. We actually meant to say that you’d probably catch a number of highly contagious diseases from Kevin Federline if you stood face to face with him. Yes, that’s much better. Sorry for the confusion.

But, hey, just because we think that Kevin Federline is a bit of a sleazy reality-divorced greaseball, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone out there for him. And that someone might just be Britney Spears. Again. Terrifying, isn’t it?

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Top Four Embarrassing Celebrity Girlfriends

by hecklerspray staff

There was a time, probably in the 1980s and 1990s, when having a celebrity girlfriend would make you the coolest guy in the world.

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Adnan Ghalib Gets Banned From Britney Spears Forever

by Stuart Heritage

Adnan Ghalib was famous for being the only man alive who could make Kevin Federline seem sort of decent.

The past tense was correct, by the way. An LA judge has just granted Britney Spears and her family a longterm restraining order from Britney’s ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib – leading to fears that, without Britney Spears to piggyback around on, Adnan will fold up neatly, slot into his disgusting beard-slug and crawl away never to be heard of again.

So Adnan Ghalib, it was nice knowing you. Even though we didn’t actually know you. And it was the scientific opposite of nice.

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Britney Spears Gets New Boyfriend, Lets World Down

by Stuart Heritage

Oh Britney Spears, you were doing so well – screaming about your vagina during a concert was a masterstroke.

But now this? This is disgusting. You knew the pattern as well as anyone, Britney Spears – first you scream about your minge, then you run off and get knocked up by the first scummy-looking waster to cross your path even though he looks like he’s probably got public lice.

That’s the natural order of things, Britney Spears. You certainly don’t get a 37-year-old boyfriend who probably wears a suit for a living. So what have you done? Exactly that very thing. Ugh.

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Britney Spears Wants You To Know About Her Genitals. For Once

by Stuart Heritage

In the past, when people have said that Britney Spears is back, it was always a little bit meek and halfhearted.

But now Britney Spears is BACK! Because, fair enough, some people might think Britney Spears is a best-selling pop megastar, and the release of her recent album does reflect a kind of resurrection in that respect.

The rest of us, though, know Britney Spears as the woman with a startling obsession with her own vagina. And on Sunday in Tampa, Britney Spears ended a concert by shrieking “My pussy is hanging out!” It’s wonderful to have you back, Britney.

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Britney Spears Does Concert, Stays Sane, People Surprised

by Stuart Heritage

The phrase ‘Britney’s back’ terrifies us – usually because it’s followed by ‘Britney’s bald head’ and ‘Britney’s clodge’.

But this time Britney really is back. Yesterday, Britney Spears kicked off her 32-date comeback tour – almost certainly the most exhausting thing she’s done recently, excluding any activities involving umbrellas, cars or uncontrollable roadside weeping.

And guess what? Britney Spears’ first concert was a success. We know this because the people who consider themselves rabid enough Britney Spears fans to justify spending hundreds of dollars to watch a past-her-prime singer jiggle around in a number of impractical and ill-fitting costumes said it was.

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Nobody Cares About Britney Spears’ Big Comeback

by Stuart Heritage

Tomorrow Britney Spears sets off on her first tour since she went bananas and waved her ladyparts around.

But there’s just one problem. And that’s that, in these times of economic uncertainty, not too many people want to spend hundreds of dollars to sit in a giant room watching a mentally-uncertain pinprick listlessly screech her way through I’m Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman while dressed as a pikey on a hen night.

That’s exactly why people aren’t coming to our one-man show Hecklerspray Wishes It Had Ovaries, and it’s also why Britney Spears isn’t selling many concert tickets.

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Britney’s Ex Adnan Ghalib In ‘Possibly Not Very Nice Man’ Shock

by Stuart Heritage

It takes a special type of man to make people think that, in retrospect, Kevin Federline probably wasn’t so bad.

And Adnan Ghalib is certainly special. You may remember Adnan Ghalib as the awful man who a) romanced Britney Spears at her absolute lowest ebb and b) had a beard that looked like he’d been gargling with animal poo and forgot to wipe his chin afterwards. Well guess what? Adnan Ghalib’s back.

Obviously when we say ‘back’ we mean ‘charged with assault after allegedly running a man over on purpose and breaking his wrist’. You lost a good one there, Britney.

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Britney Spears Still Phoning Old Pals Despite Ban

by hecklerspray staff

A guest blog by the wonderful Amy Grindhouse…

Britney Spears is in trouble with her daddy again. Which one would think is unimaginably hard to do since at this moment in time all Britney is free to do of her own accord is poop and jiggle her rump on stage.

Dungeon Master Spears is having to waste away more precious moments of his life that he’ll never get back on reprimanding his daughter.

This time Britney has broken one of the many restrictions placed on her by reaching out to two people with whom she is not supposed to have any contact; Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib.

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