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Britney Spears

Britney Spears Gets To Pay K-Fed’s Bills, The Lucky Cow

by Stuart Heritage

Hey kids, don’t bother trying hard at school; it turns out that the quickest way to financial success is to knock up a borderline-deluded superstar a couple of times – just ask Kevin Federline.

As we’ve told you every day since pretty much the dawn of man, Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are currently fighting for custody of their two children. If she didn’t act so crazy, Britney would have been the obvious choice for custody because a) she’s the mother, b) the father is Kevin Federline, a man who looks like he still needs to use children’s safety scissors and c) she’s loaded. Even though she does keep acting crazy, though, the last point still stands true. But if Britney Spears wanted to exploit that by riding the custody battle out until Kevin Federline runs out of money and gives up, she’s in for a shock – Britney Spears has been ordered to pay for Kevin Federline’s legal bills as well as her own.

Hey kids, don't bother trying hard at school; it turns out that the quickest way to financial success is to knock up a borderline-deluded superstar a couple of times - just ask Kevin Federline. As we've told you every day since pretty much the dawn of man, Kevin Federline and Britney Spears are currently fighting for custody of their two children. If she didn't act so crazy, Britney would have been the obvious choice for custody because a) she's the mother, b) the father is Kevin Federline, a man who looks like he still needs to use children's safety scissors and c) she's loaded. Even though she does keep acting crazy, though, the last point still stands true. But if Britney Spears wanted to exploit that by riding the custody battle out until Kevin Federline runs out of money and gives up, she's in for a shock - Britney Spears has been ordered to pay for Kevin Federline's legal bills as well as her own.
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Report: Britney Spears Spends Cash On Several Different Things

by Stuart Heritage

One of the downsides to Britney Spears’ custody battle is the obvious mental and emotional turmoil it puts her through, but one of the upsides is that we get to see exactly what Britney Spears spends her money on, so really it all evens out.

Thanks to court papers released yesterday, the world at large can now see exactly where Britney Spears’ money goes. While it’s no surprise that Britney Spears earns more in a month than Kevin Federline does in a year, it might come as a bit more of a shock to see that Britney Spears carefully budgets for everything. For example, Britney Spears has mortgages and charitable obligations, which is why she only spends $102,000 a month on ‘entertainment, gifts and vacations.’ If only everyone had the financial prudence of Britney Spears, surely the world would be a far better place.

One of the downsides to Britney Spears' custody battle is the obvious mental and emotional turmoil it puts her through, but one of the upsides is that we get to see exactly what Britney Spears spends her money on, so really it all evens out. Thanks to court papers released yesterday, the world at large can now see exactly where Britney Spears' money goes. While it's no surprise that Britney Spears earns more in a month than Kevin Federline does in a year, it might come as a bit more of a shock to see that Britney Spears carefully budgets for everything. For example, Britney Spears has mortgages and charitable obligations, which is why she only spends $102,000 a month on 'entertainment, gifts and vacations.' If only everyone had the financial prudence of Britney Spears, surely the world would be a far better place.
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Britney Spears Ditches Interview For Shower

by Stuart Heritage

Blackout is probably the most important album that Britney Spears will ever release, so how she goes about promoting is key – for example, Britney wouldn’t want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower.

No, wait, our mistake – Britney Spears would want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. Yesterday morning in what appears to be her only piece of actual promotion for the album that could make or break her future as an artist, Britney Spears had a telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest in which she exclusively revealed her love of cookies and how she thinks the world is slightly cruel. Then Britney abruptly cut it short to listlessly meander off to shower.

Still, at least we know that Britney Spears showers now. We had wondered.

Blackout is probably the most important album that Britney Spears will ever release, so how she goes about promoting is key - for example, Britney wouldn't want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. No, wait, our mistake - Britney Spears would want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. Yesterday morning in what appears to be her only piece of actual promotion for the album that could make or break her future as an artist, Britney Spears had a telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest in which she exclusively revealed her love of cookies and how she thinks the world is slightly cruel. Then Britney abruptly cut it short to listlessly meander off to shower. Still, at least we know that Britney Spears showers now. We had wondered.
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Britney Spears Allowed To Babble & Fart At Kids Twice-Weekly

by Stuart Heritage

Britney Spears was supposed to regain custody of her kids yesterday, but it seems that evil Kevin Federline managed to stay one step ahead of Britney by pulling cruel tricks like communicating with the children sometimes, the wily git.

The judge in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight has ruled not to allow Britney Spears custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James just yet. It’s all thanks to a report by Britney’s parenting coach, who worries that Britney Spears doesn’t ever talk to, or play with, her young sons and lacks the routine that children crave. But rather than banning her from seeing the kids, the judge is allowing Britney Spears to see them twice a week until the next hearing. The rest of their time will be spent with Kevin Federline, who does have a strict routine with the children.

True, the routine mainly includes listening to Popozao, counting his divorce settlement cash and ordering his infant children to make him cups of tea, but it’s still a routine.

Britney Spears was supposed to regain custody of her kids yesterday, but it seems that evil Kevin Federline managed to stay one step ahead of Britney by pulling cruel tricks like communicating with the children sometimes, the wily git. The judge in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody bitchfight has ruled not to allow Britney Spears custody of Sean Preston and Jayden James just yet. It's all thanks to a report by Britney's parenting coach, who worries that Britney Spears doesn't ever talk to, or play with, her young sons and lacks the routine that children crave. But rather than banning her from seeing the kids, the judge is allowing Britney Spears to see them twice a week until the next hearing. The rest of their time will be spent with Kevin Federline, who does have a strict routine with the children. True, the routine mainly includes listening to Popozao, counting his divorce settlement cash and ordering his infant children to make him cups of tea, but it's still a routine.
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Britney Spears Sits On A Priest’s Lap, Annoys Catholics

by Stuart Heritage

Now, the more religious of you might look at Britney Spears and think “there’s a young lady going straight to hell” – but Britney Spears is determined not to go to hell, and she doesn’t care how many priests she has to seduce to avoid it.

Although the whirlpool of custody cases and drug allegations and head-shaving, vagina-baring madness has overtaken Britney Spears’ life at the moment, it’s good to see that Britney hasn’t completely turned her back on what she’s good at – annoying the clergy. One of the booklet photos for Britney Spears’ new album Blackout has caused controversy among Catholics because it shows Britney Spears sitting on a priest’s lap in a short skirt. If anything, though, the Catholics should be pleased by this – the priest in the photo clearly isn’t aroused at all by Britney Spears, and is instead wearing a facial expression halfway between “What’s that smell? Has someone farted?” and “Oh Christ no, not the vagina again!”

Now, the more religious of you might look at Britney Spears and think "there's a young lady going straight to hell" - but Britney Spears is determined not to go to hell, and she doesn't care how many priests she has to seduce to avoid it. Although the whirlpool of custody cases and drug allegations and head-shaving, vagina-baring madness has overtaken Britney Spears' life at the moment, it's good to see that Britney hasn't completely turned her back on what she's good at - annoying the clergy. One of the booklet photos for Britney Spears' new album Blackout has caused controversy among Catholics because it shows Britney Spears sitting on a priest's lap in a short skirt. If anything, though, the Catholics should be pleased by this - the priest in the photo clearly isn't aroused at all by Britney Spears, and is instead wearing a facial expression halfway between "What's that smell? Has someone farted?" and "Oh Christ no, not the vagina again!"
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Britney Spears’ Ma Writes Ill-Judged Parenting Guide

by Stuart Heritage

As humans, it’s only natural that we look at Britney Spears from time to time and think “Golly, someone really did a bang-up job of raising that little delight to be a well-rounded and conscientious member of society.”

However, our feeling of admiration at the exemplary way that Britney Spears was raised into the angel she is today is often tempered with a deep burning resentment at the fact that, no matter what we do, we’ll never be able to bring up our children to be anywhere near the glowing standard of saintly humanity that Britney Spears has set. So we can’t believe our luck that Britney Spears’ mother Lynne Spears is all set to publish Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World next year. It’s basically a how-to manual for anyone who wants to raise their kids to be just like Britney Spears. We’re especially looking forward to the chapter about pushing your young child relentlessly through the machinations of fame at the obvious cost of her mental safety.

No, wait, that’s the whole book. Our mistake.

As humans, it's only natural that we look at Britney Spears from time to time and think "Golly, someone really did a bang-up job of raising that little delight to be a well-rounded and conscientious member of society." However, our feeling of admiration at the exemplary way that Britney Spears was raised into the angel she is today is often tempered with a deep burning resentment at the fact that, no matter what we do, we'll never be able to bring up our children to be anywhere near the glowing standard of saintly humanity that Britney Spears has set. So we can't believe our luck that Britney Spears' mother Lynne Spears is all set to publish Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World next year. It's basically a how-to manual for anyone who wants to raise their kids to be just like Britney Spears. We're especially looking forward to the chapter about pushing your young child relentlessly through the machinations of fame at the obvious cost of her mental safety. No, wait, that's the whole book. Our mistake.
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