There’s no bond stronger than that between a deranged singer and the man who mashes drugs into her food.

And that’s why Britney Spears and Sam Lutfi were so special together. Sam was always there for Britney with whatever she needed – pink wigs, empty knicker draws, some anti-psychotic drugs mashed into a pork chop – but things have gone sour.

Sam Lutfi has sued Britney Spears for defamation – a warning that people can’t just slander him without consequence. However, we’ve checked it out and we think we can still call Sam Lutfi a ‘crappy-bearded bellend’ without any trouble. So that’s good.