Articles tagged with: Britney Spears
This Just In: Miley Cyrus Is A Legitimately Awful Human
Let's be serious for a moment - if you were the parent of a child like Miley Cyrus, you'd be appalled. Just think of the implications. If you were the father of a child like Miley Cyrus then you, by definition, would be just like Billy Ray Cyrus. And that doesn't even bear thinking about, does it? You'd have to grow a girl's haircut. And a funny little beard that makes your entire face look like a stripper's vagina. It'd be horrible. Oh, and you'd also be appalled because your child would end up being named as the worst celebrity influence of the year, just like Miley Cyrus has.
Let's be serious for a moment - if you were the parent of a child like Miley Cyrus, you'd be appalled. Just think of the implications. If you were the father of a child like Miley Cyrus then you, by definition, would be just like Billy Ray Cyrus. And that doesn't even bear thinking about, does it? You'd have to grow a girl's haircut. And a funny little beard that makes your entire face look like a stripper's vagina. It'd be horrible. Oh, and you'd also be appalled because your child would end up being named as the worst celebrity influence of the year, just like Miley Cyrus has.
Britney Spears Releases Another Song About Her Manky Old Clodge
Britney Spears has a new single out. It's called 3, so presumably it's about the highest number she can count to. Just kidding. It's about the amount of braincells Britney Spears has left. Just kidding. It's about the number of industrial-sized bottles of toilet cleaner that Britney Spears had to drink before allowing Kevin Federline to marry her. Just kidding. It's about the number of people who have an unblocked view of Britney Spears' vagina at any given time. Just kidding. It's actually about Britney Spears having sex with two people at once. We think we preferred the toilet cleaner one.
Britney Spears has a new single out. It's called 3, so presumably it's about the highest number she can count to. Just kidding. It's about the amount of braincells Britney Spears has left. Just kidding. It's about the number of industrial-sized bottles of toilet cleaner that Britney Spears had to drink before allowing Kevin Federline to marry her. Just kidding. It's about the number of people who have an unblocked view of Britney Spears' vagina at any given time. Just kidding. It's actually about Britney Spears having sex with two people at once. We think we preferred the toilet cleaner one.
Kevin Federline To Slim Down On Telly!
Sometimes, after a messy break up, it's the broken woman who gets all of the attention. Just look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Whilst she was going commando in clubs and giving herself weird haircuts, very few people spared a thought for poor Federline - alone in a big house somewhere, playing Toxic over and over again, gorging on chocolate bars and eating what must have been about nine meals a day. It was only when he emerged from his post-wedding grief the size of a house that anyone stopped and pointed their cameras at him again. Yes sir, that man has been eating. So much so that the rumour zipping through Hollywood is that he's going to sort himself out not by privately hitting a local gym, but by getting broken down and built back up again on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club in February next year. He's got guts. Quite literally.
Sometimes, after a messy break up, it's the broken woman who gets all of the attention. Just look at Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. Whilst she was going commando in clubs and giving herself weird haircuts, very few people spared a thought for poor Federline - alone in a big house somewhere, playing Toxic over and over again, gorging on chocolate bars and eating what must have been about nine meals a day. It was only when he emerged from his post-wedding grief the size of a house that anyone stopped and pointed their cameras at him again. Yes sir, that man has been eating. So much so that the rumour zipping through Hollywood is that he's going to sort himself out not by privately hitting a local gym, but by getting broken down and built back up again on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club in February next year. He's got guts. Quite literally.
Top 26 Pop Star Babes
The pop industry has a lot to answer for. It has created a lot of monsters. Simon Cowell and Kerry Katona spring to mind immediately. But female pop stars are not all talentless bints who clutter up newspapers and snarky entertainment sites (thanks for that) with their inane chatter and their lady bits. Some of them look nice too. In fact, some of them are incredibly sexy. Oh, and some of them can sing too - but not that many.
The pop industry has a lot to answer for. It has created a lot of monsters. Simon Cowell and Kerry Katona spring to mind immediately. But female pop stars are not all talentless bints who clutter up newspapers and snarky entertainment sites (thanks for that) with their inane chatter and their lady bits. Some of them look nice too. In fact, some of them are incredibly sexy. Oh, and some of them can sing too - but not that many.
VMA Nominations: Beyonce & Lady Gaga Fight To The Death (Hopefully)
The MTV VMAs always excite - they only reward the best, most exciting, most innovative artists working today. Or Britney Spears, which is what happened last year. But given that no major pop stars have had terrifying nervous breakdowns and then agreed to make a documentary for MTV that's basically 90 minutes of them sobbing forlornly this year, hopefully the VMAs will be business as usual. Except this year's MTV VMA nominations have just been announced and, along with Beyonce, Lady Gaga has gained the most nods. So by 'business as usual' we mean 'tedious, deliberately controversial, badly dressed and worryingly mannish'.
The MTV VMAs always excite - they only reward the best, most exciting, most innovative artists working today. Or Britney Spears, which is what happened last year. But given that no major pop stars have had terrifying nervous breakdowns and then agreed to make a documentary for MTV that's basically 90 minutes of them sobbing forlornly this year, hopefully the VMAs will be business as usual. Except this year's MTV VMA nominations have just been announced and, along with Beyonce, Lady Gaga has gained the most nods. So by 'business as usual' we mean 'tedious, deliberately controversial, badly dressed and worryingly mannish'.
K-Fed Fed & Fed & Now He’s Fat
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer's body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still - it was a dancer's body. And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder. Well he's not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted. What we're getting at here is the man has gained weight - and boy has he!
Remember when K-Fed had a dancer's body? Sure it was covered in bad tattoos, cornrows made without the aid of a mirror and a layer of congealed body grease, but still - it was a dancer's body. And he used that body to scoop up Britney Spears and steal her away to a life most view as exotic fantasy and wonder. Well he's not scooping things up with that body any more. Except burritos, corn chips, and maybe an entire half-pig flame-broiled and basted. What we're getting at here is the man has gained weight - and boy has he!
Television Review: Britney Spears Saved My Life
In this age of getting mediocre celebrities to try their hand at something new for the telly, it's an amazing coup for BBC Three to sign Britney Spears up for a one off documentary where she performs open heart surgery - with crazy consequences! As entertaining as that would be, it would require several things that this program doesn't have: A budget, willing patients and, crucially, Britney Spears. This is a documentary about her fans, not just those that have an album or two, but the absolutely hardcore mentalist ones, the ones that own red catsuits and you'd cross the road to avoid. Especially if you were Britney Spears.
In this age of getting mediocre celebrities to try their hand at something new for the telly, it's an amazing coup for BBC Three to sign Britney Spears up for a one off documentary where she performs open heart surgery - with crazy consequences! As entertaining as that would be, it would require several things that this program doesn't have: A budget, willing patients and, crucially, Britney Spears. This is a documentary about her fans, not just those that have an album or two, but the absolutely hardcore mentalist ones, the ones that own red catsuits and you'd cross the road to avoid. Especially if you were Britney Spears.
Britney Spears Isn’t Even Slightly Dead
This is getting ridiculous. Michael Jackson has dominated the news to such an extent that there's no other news. Honestly. No news. The Iranians have stopped demonstrating to do a mass moonwalk in honour of Michael Jackson, Bernie Madoff only got 150 years in jail to commemorate a dance remix of Smooth Criminal that runs at 150bpm and even climate change is too traumatised to kill any more polar bears this week. So what news is there? Well, Britney Spears hasn't died. Yes, it's just like when Jeff Goldblum didn't die on Friday but, well, about Britney Spears. It's news, honest.
This is getting ridiculous. Michael Jackson has dominated the news to such an extent that there's no other news. Honestly. No news. The Iranians have stopped demonstrating to do a mass moonwalk in honour of Michael Jackson, Bernie Madoff only got 150 years in jail to commemorate a dance remix of Smooth Criminal that runs at 150bpm and even climate change is too traumatised to kill any more polar bears this week. So what news is there? Well, Britney Spears hasn't died. Yes, it's just like when Jeff Goldblum didn't die on Friday but, well, about Britney Spears. It's news, honest.
